By-products of the thinking mind

Due to the function of the physical body processing all the physical inputs, there are some by-products (waste products), such as pleasant/unpleasant sensations, sweat, carbon dioxide, dead skin/tissues, pee and shit, and etc.

Similarly, upon the thinking mind processing all the mind inputs, there are also by-products, such as egoism, all kinds of impurity, emotions, feelings, actions, reactions and the consequences of action/reaction, and so on.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s the physical body and its by-products, or it’s the mind and its by-products, they all are impermanent and selfless. And they are not ‘I’.

Learn to be aware of the impermanent changes of the physical body and its by-products as well as the impermanent thinking mind and its by-products (all the mental/emotional modifications/activities), without attachment, identification, craving/aversion, judgment, comparison, or expectation. Allowing all these impermanent and selfless names and forms to be there as they are, arising and passing away.

Due to the function of the physical body, the body processes the food/liquid after eating/drinking, while the by-products of that, of sweat/pee/shit being generated has to be ‘letting go’, and one would just let them go and clean up the sweat/pee/shit and the body by oneself, to maintain personal and public hygiene and cleanliness, to help lower the risk of diseases/illnesses in oneself and others in the surrounding environment. More importantly, when someone is sweating, peeing or shitting, one doesn’t need anyone being there accompanying/watching/listening or to help to clean up the waste products and the body, unless it’s a small infant/child or adult that is physically dependent on others for handling such matters. And there’s nothing wrong if someone wants to ask help from others for handling such matters, even when one is capable to handle it by oneself.

Similarly, due to the function of the thinking mind, the thinking mind processes all the mind inputs, while the by-products of that, of actions/reactions/emotions/feelings/the consequences of action and reaction being generated that need to be ‘letting go’. The mind would just let them go and ‘clean up’ the mind by itself, to maintain personal and public peace and harmony, to help minimize causing ‘disturbs’/’damages’ to itself and others in the surrounding space. When the mind is processing all these mental/emotional modifications/activities of the mind (the by-products of the thinking mind), it doesn’t need anyone being there accompanying/watching/listening or to help to ‘clean up’ the mind, unless it’s a mind that is mentally/emotionally dependent/disabled, whether due to genetic inheritance, sickness or injury. Though there’s nothing wrong if someone wants to ask help from others for dealing with such matters, even when one is capable to deal with it by oneself.

All the food, drinks and oxygen being consumed by the physical body and the by-products of all the sweat, carbon dioxide, pee and shit etc, are not ‘I’.

Similarly, all the mind inputs and the by-products of all the mental/emotional modifications/activities, are not ‘I’.

There’s no ‘I’ that can be found before/during/after the existence/function of this physical body and the thinking mind.

Infants/children can be trained to be physically independent as they grow up day by day, so does the mind can be trained to be mentally/emotionally independent. Yoga and meditation practice can transform the mind if being done with the correct understanding, perseverance and determination. Unfortunately, most minds are being ‘conditioned’/’educated’ by the worldly egoistic society to think and believe that all minds (human or living beings) must depend on ‘something/someone else’ mentally/emotionally. Quite many yoga practitioners/teachers also think and believe that all human beings need to be there for one another to look after one another mentally/emotionally all the time, or else, it’s so sad, terrible, lonely, helpless, joyless and meaningless, if one is being alone by oneself.

Do a self-check on whether the mind is being conditioned/educated to think and believe in certain way, such as, “Being alone, living alone, walking alone, eating alone, doing things alone, or solving problems alone by oneself is so sad, terrible, lonely, helpless, joyless and meaningless.” Most minds will say ‘yes’. But how true is that? It’s not necessarily so. Although people don’t necessary have to be alone by oneself, but minds that are mentally/emotionally independent has no problem/difficulty being alone, living alone, walking alone, eating alone, doing things alone, or solving problems alone by oneself, and are happy and peaceful as it is.

Look after this mind, before it’s too late where it really needs to depend on others/substances to be able to function/think/behave properly.

Be free.

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Verbal diarrhea?

The yoga and meditation practice are supposed to be quieting the restless outgoing talkative mind. Usually after a complete session of traditional yoga practice or a meditation sitting in silence, the mind would be rendered so quiet that there’s nothing to say, or talk, or share, or complain about, especially for the next few hours or so. However, there are some restless minds that are suffering from ‘verbal diarrhea’ might can’t stop talking immediately after the practice session finished, after being restrained from talking during the 2 – 3 hours of yoga practice or 1 – 2 hours of meditation sitting in silence. This is a common behavior (sort of a side-effect) of the restless mind especially after people finish a long silent yoga and/or meditation retreat. Sincere yoga practitioners need to know how to free the mind from ‘verbal diarrhea’, especially after a long time observing silence.

Yoga practitioners need to be aware of whether their minds are suffering from ‘verbal diarrhea’, which is a sign of a seriously restless mind.

Meanwhile, there are some people who don’t really know/understand about the meaning of yoga and meditation practice which is mainly to silent/quiet the restless outgoing talkative mind, and they would want to engage in social conversation with other people immediately after the ‘yoga class’ finished, they might feel offended by some people whose minds are in silent mode after the yoga and meditation practice, where they are not interested in engaging in social conversation with anyone, but would rather be isolated from the rest of the people, to be alone, to be ‘resting’ in the state of quietness for as long as possible.

Those who attend sincere ‘yoga retreat’ that is about quieting the mind should have an understanding about this, so that they wouldn’t feel offended by some people who’s minds are in silent mode after the practice, and try not to ‘disturb’ these minds that are resting in silence during and after the yoga and meditation practice, which is the ‘precious’ state of mind for sincere yoga and meditation practitioners.

Majority of the people in the society who encourage ‘active engagement in conversation or talking with other people’ for promoting a ‘happier’ state of mind or ‘better’ physical/mental/emotional health, might not understand the greatness of silence, where the mind is free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness or suffering, being in the present moment free from desire of craving and aversion, being undisturbed/undetermined by pleasant/unpleasant or agreeable/disagreeable experiences, where people have nothing that they need to be ‘talking’, ‘sharing’ or ‘complaining’ about to other people.

Be strong and feel empowered?

Many people want to be ‘strong’ and feel ’empowered’, as they think and believe that if they are ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’, they will be ‘belittled’ or ‘intimidated’ by those who are stronger than them, and if they are strong, they won’t become a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’.

In yoga, one doesn’t need to be ‘strong’ or feel ’empowered’ so that one doesn’t become a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of what most minds think and believe as a form of ‘intimidation/belittling’.

One just needs to stop seeing/thinking/believing/identifying oneself as ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’ and one is naturally a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’ that needs to be toughen up and be empowered. One also needs to be free from self-pity as well as expectation or longing for receiving sympathy, empathy, protection, acknowledgement, support, attention, understanding, praise, liking, appreciation, encouragement, or empowerment from others.

It’s stop thinking/believing that oneself or ‘all human beings’ should be treated in certain ways and shouldn’t be treated in certain ways, or oneself deserves to be treated in certain ways while doesn’t deserve to be treated in certain ways.

If the mind is not free from such thinking/belief/identification of “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.” then even though other people are not being intimidating/belittling oneself at all, but one will always feel ‘intimidated’ or ‘belittled’ by other people’s confidence, courage, credibility and straightforwardness, which the perception of being intimidated or belittled is not coming from others, but from within constantly feeling “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.”

Even if other people’s action/speech/behavior is truly unpleasant/unreasonable with the intention to intimidate or belittling oneself, one won’t be intimidated/belittled by that at all, if oneself is free from the thinking/belief/identification of “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.” and would allow other people to act/speak/behave the way as they are, but one is not determined or disturbed by it. Neither does one need to be ‘protected’ from it.

One would stop seeing/perceiving ‘intimidation/belittling’ here and there, but just being aware of people are either being confident, courageous, credible and straightforward as they are which is nothing ‘intimidating/belittling’, or people are acting/speaking/behaving in the way that reflects their state of mind under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, unhappiness, or suffering. Instead of feeling being a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s intimidation/belittling, one will be compassionate towards other people’s unhappiness and suffering.

One will understand that one doesn’t need to be ‘strong’ or feel ’empowered’ at all, as the one who feels weak and vulnerable, who is highly sensitive, who is longing for attention and understanding from other people, who has expectation towards other people’s treatments towards oneself has to be in certain ways and not to be in certain ways, who thinks oneself deserves certain treatments/reactions and doesn’t deserve certain treatments/reactions, who constantly feels intimidated/offended/bullied/victimized/belittled/unattended/unheard/discouraged by other people, who wants to be sympathized, be protected, be heard, be understood, be noticed, be attended, be encouraged, be supported, be liked, be praised, be appreciated and be acknowledged, or who doesn’t like to be unnoticed/unattended, unheard, disliked, disagreed with or criticized, is the ego.

Free the mind from this ego.

One will no longer identify oneself as a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’. One stops seeing other people’s action/speech/behavior that one’s mind perceives/recognizes as unpleasant/unreasonable as a form of ‘intimidation/belittling’, while allowing other people to be free to act/speak/behave the way as they are, to express their unhappiness and suffering in the way that they are, that they know.

Those who understand this, they cannot be disturbed/hurt by other people’s ‘unpleasant/unreasonable’ action/speech/behavior, but they can choose to move away in silence. It’s not a weakness to move away in silence towards other people’s ‘unpleasant/unreasonable’ action/speech/behavior, as these people are in suffering/unhappiness, and they don’t know how to express their suffering/unhappiness in a less unpleasant/unreasonable way.

Be free.

Broken /complicated relationship involving third party?

Broken/complicated relationship involving third party is not something uncommon nowadays.

There might be different kinds of situation exist in any relationship. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation, most people would think and believe and expect that two people should commit themselves to be loyal and faithful towards one another being in a ‘committed’ relationship, if oneself has no sincerity to be ‘committed’ and ‘faithful’ in a relationship, then just don’t get into a relationship with anyone, as whether wittingly or unwittingly, oneself will cause ‘hurts’ to the other person in the relationship with oneself. But in many relationships, two people have love for each other in the beginning, and want to be in a relationship together, but after some time, the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or is not there anymore, where they don’t feel love towards the partner anymore, and either they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or they would want to look for the ‘feeling of love’ in other love affairs/relationships with other people.

For example, A and B is in a so called ‘committed’ relationship, while B is also having an open or secret love affair/relationship with C.

In such relationship that involved ‘third party’, most people would think that A is the ‘victim’, while B and C are the ‘selfish and immoral’ bad people that are hurting A. A should deserved sympathy and support from others, while B and C should be blamed and condemned for being ‘selfish and immoral and hurtful’. But for those who understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, no one is being a ‘victim’ and no one is being ‘selfish/immoral/hurtful’ bad people in a broken/complicated relationship.

There’s neither right nor wrong in ‘love relationship’ even if it’s ‘broken’, whether with or without involving third party. It’s just a relationship didn’t turn out to be the way that most people desire/expect it to be, as well as there’s no ‘love’ in such relationship. And there’s nothing wrong if there’s no ‘love’, or an expected relationship is non-existing, or a relationship is discontinued, for any reason.

If there’s love in the relationship, the relationship won’t be broken/damaged, it’s either a relationship that continues or discontinued/came to an end, due to any reason, in peace. If there’s love from oneself towards the partner, one will have loving kindness, self-control and decency to not commit in any behavior that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner in the relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Even if there’s ‘feeling of love’ in the relationship in the beginning, and the ‘feeling of love’ is impermanent, it will change and disappear. But, if there’s love, then even though sometimes the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or not there anymore, one will still be kind to the partner in the relationship with oneself, and would not behave in the way that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner, not because of the sense of ‘commitment’ or ‘obligation’ towards a ‘committed’ relationship, but out of loving kindness.

There’s nothing wrong either if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry thinking and believing oneself is being ‘a victim’ of other people’s unloving/unfaithful/hurtful/immoral behavior. Everyone has the rights and freedom to feel what they want to feel and react the way that they want to react. But then, one must also understand that if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry, it’s because one doesn’t really love the partner as he/she is, one only loves one’s desire and expectation towards the partner and the relationship has to be in certain ways. One has desire and expectation towards the relationship and the partner to be in certain way, and when things turn out to be not the way that one desires or expects, when one is getting something that one doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with, and when one is losing what one likes (the relationship and the partner being in certain ways that one desires it to be), or what one likes (the perfect faithful loving partner/relationship) is no longer available, or is ‘disturbed’, or has changed into something else, that’s why one feels hurt/disappointed/angry. It’s not because the partner or the relationship is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ that cause the ‘hurts/disappointment/anger’ in oneself, but, it’s because one doesn’t love the partner as he/she is, but only loves what one likes/desires/expects.

It’s how everyone/human beings/the untrained egoistic minds react towards ‘ungratified desires’ of “This is not what I like and want and expect.”, or “I am not getting what I like and want, but I’m getting what I don’t like and don’t want.” or “This is something wrong/bad/hurtful/undeserving happening to me.”

If there’s correct understanding towards ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, then there would be no hard/hurtful/bitter feelings where people can let go the relationship in peace, one won’t see oneself as ‘a victim of the unfaithfulness/betrayal of the partner in a broken relationship’ or ‘a victim of the intrusion of the lover of one’s partner that causes my relationship to be broken’. And there’s no blame or condemn towards the partner and the lover that they should be guilty for being ‘the selfish bad people that cause this relationship to be broken/damaged’.

This is really nothing to do with whether the partner and his/her lover in the love affair/relationship are being ‘selfish’, ‘unfaithful’, ‘disloyal’, ‘immoral’, ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, or not. It’s about how oneself thinks, understands, feels and reacts being in such situation, where one’s partner is involved in a love affair/relationship with another person.

If a person would commit in a love affair/relationship with another person other than the one in a relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly, it indicates that this person doesn’t really ‘love’ the partner. He/she loves it’s desire for satisfaction. When he/she is not satisfied with his/her partner, when he/she is not getting what it desires/expects from the partner, he/she will be looking for something/someone else to gratify its desire for satisfaction, love, passion, pleasure, interaction, or lust. And that’s common ‘human’s nature’, or the normal behavior of the untrained minds under the influence of desires.

Everyone has the rights or freedom whether they want to love anyone, or don’t want to love anyone, or stop loving someone, or having too much ‘feeling of love’ that needs to be shared with many people at the same time, or want to be in many different love affairs/relationships at one time, or whether they are satisfied/dissatisfied being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody.

If one truly loves the partner in the relationship with oneself, one will love this person as he/she is, even if the partner doesn’t love oneself, or stop loving oneself, or being ‘the god/goddess of love’ who needs to ‘love’ as many people as possible. One doesn’t need to be in a relationship with this person, to possess this person to be mine. One doesn’t expect this person to be faithful and loyal, or expect the love from this person doesn’t change, or won’t disappear, or ‘should be for me only’. One allows this person to have or don’t have the ‘feeling of love’ for oneself, or stop loving oneself, or doesn’t love oneself, or prefer to love and be with someone else. One can let go the person that doesn’t love oneself, or let go a relationship that doesn’t have ‘love’ or couldn’t continue, in peace, and allow this person to love and be with other people that he/she loves.

One won’t feel hurt/disappointed/angry towards the partner who doesn’t love oneself or towards the relationship that is not the way that how most people would like it to be. Because if the partner loves oneself, then there’s no need any expectation from oneself, without the sense of obligation to be committed and be faithful in a relationship with oneself, but out of loving kindness towards oneself, he/she will have self-control and decency, where he/she will not do anything that would cause ‘hurts’ or ‘damages’ to oneself or this relationship, not even behind one’s knowledge, regardless of whether there’s the ‘feeling of love’ existing, or not. One would know how to ‘keep a respectful distance’ with others who have the tendency to ‘fall in love’ with oneself, as one doesn’t need to look for satisfaction in ‘love affairs/relationships’.

One cannot expect ‘love’ from anyone, but allowing others whether to ‘love’ oneself, or not. One cannot expect how other people should love oneself or behave in a relationship, but allowing others to love us the way as they are. There’s no such thing as “Once you love me and being in a ‘committed’ relationship with me, you will have to be forever faithful and loyal to me, and loving me only.” And if, one realizes that the partner doesn’t love oneself, one can choose to continue or let go the relationship, in peace, without bitterness. There’s neither right nor wrong, either way.

There’s even no need of ‘forgiveness’, if one truly loves the partner as he/she is, even if the partner is being unfaithful, as one is undisturbed/unhurt by the partner’s ‘unfaithfulness’ at all, but would let go of him/her and the relationship. One doesn’t feel bad about oneself or thinking that one is not good enough, if the partner doesn’t love oneself, if one knows love.

Unfortunately, many people couldn’t let go in peace, and be disturbed by hard/hurtful/bitter/angry feelings that doesn’t help to make things better, and might do things that hurt oneself or the partner and the people whom the partner loves.

There’s nothing wrong if one realizes that oneself doesn’t love the partner, and one should be honest and straightforward to let this person knows that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t feel love for you.” or “I don’t want to be with you in a relationship.” or “I want to be with someone else.” This honesty won’t hurt, if people are matured enough to understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’. But it would cause deeper ‘hurts/disappointment/anger/hatred’ by being untruthful to oneself and the partner, pretending that one loves the partner very much, but in truth, one doesn’t love the partner, and one won’t be satisfied being with that partner, and would try to find satisfaction in some other love affairs/relationships with other lovers. People who are matured enough would let go the person whom they love very much to be with the people whom this person loves, in peace. That’s love.

When two people don’t hurt one another out of dissatisfaction/disappointment/anger/hurts, then even though there’s no ‘feeling of love’ from one or both of them, or they are not in a relationship, that’s love. Where/what is love, if one or two people keep hurting each other out of feeling of hurts/anger/disappointment being in a relationship that is not the way that they like it to be?

If people are not matured enough to accept ‘honesty’ or ‘the truth’ in peace, when people whom they think they love very much are being honest and straightforward telling them that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” or “I want to love and be with someone else.”, then it’s their own responsibility if they don’t like that honesty or the truth, and react with feeling hurt/disappointed/angry for losing what they like and want, or not getting what they like and want, but getting what they don’t like and don’t want. And this relationship won’t be peaceful and harmony anyway, even if they continue to be in a relationship, because they don’t really love whom they think they love very much. There will be lots of ‘tension’ and ‘unhappiness’ derived from ‘ungratified desires’ and ‘expectation’ in this relationship all the time.

Be free, to love or be loved, or not.

A better meaningful way of life?

For many people, spending most of the time being with other people (family, friends, community and other communities), focusing on bonding, socializing, interacting, connecting, sharing, knowing, eating, drinking, talking, listening, looking, laughing, playing, empowering, encouraging, aspiring, inspiring, remembering, projecting, anticipating, expecting, creating, planning, plotting, suggesting, contributing, commenting, complimenting, criticizing, gossiping, complaining, entertaining, enjoying, doing social/community activities together, upgrading their quality of life/standard of living, fulfilling passionate desires and achieving personal worldly ambitions and spiritual or religious goals, getting involve with achieving a world that complies to a particular vision, to attain the sense of in control, satisfaction, goodness and meaningfulness, is living life. For them, “This is a better meaningful way of life.”

For some people, being by oneself most of the time, as much as possible, focusing on one’s action, practice, duty and responsibility, talk less or talk nothing, without commenting on worldly affairs, or gossiping about other people’s affairs, or criticizing/interfering with other people’s different ways of life, thinking, belief, action and reaction, minding one’s life and one’s mind, being at peace unconditionally, respecting everyone being what they are, as they are, neither admiring/praising certain qualities that appear to be superior than others nor condemning/criticizing certain qualities that appear to be inferior than others, and stop contributing impurities, unhappiness, unrest, anger, hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, grudges, conflicts, discrimination, violence, disharmony and disturbance into the surrounding environment or the world, is living life. As for them, having peace in one’s mind free from desire/hostility/animosity/fear/intimidation/offensiveness/defensiveness is the highest form of contribution to the society or the world peace. It’s nothing to do with “This is a better meaningful way of life.” or “Other ways of life is less good and meaningless.”

There’s nothing selfish about that at all, though for many people, the part of ‘not mingling/mixing with the society without getting involve in any form of social activities’ might appear to be ‘selfish’ or ‘rude’ or ‘unhealthy’ or ‘non-progressive’ for those who believe in a better world is about ‘all human beings should be getting involve with the social activities’, ‘community contribution’ and ‘worldly activism’, where they need as many other people as possible to get involve in their social activities to be supporting, cooperating or working with them to create a ‘better’ world that they think how it should be.

Whether wittingly or unwittingly, there will be some people would want to interfere with others who are different from them, whom they dislike and disagree with, and they would try to influence/control/covert/discipline/condemn/punish other people who don’t support or follow their vision for creating a world that they desire, that complies to their liking, values, vision, thinking and belief.

Yoga and meditation practitioners is about having unconditional peace in oneself as contributing peace into the world by focusing on looking after, purifying and quieting one’s mind, and it’s never about trying to influence/control/convert/discipline/condemn/punish others to also be like oneself to make a ‘better’ world that complies to one’s liking, values, vision, thinking or belief, especially those who have realized Impermanence and Selflessness.

The world doesn’t belong to anyone. Many people would think and believe that the world belongs to everyone, and hence, it’s everyone’s duty and responsibility to ‘cooperate together’ to make the world ‘a better place’, but how true is that? The standard and meaning of ‘a better place’ is according to whom and what? Different people desire a world with their own particular way of life according to their own liking, values, vision, thinking and belief. If everyone insist on making the world to be the way that they desire, that they think how it should be, what will happen in the world? People are getting frustrated and fighting against one another, to over-powered one another, in order to create a world that they desire. Even so, it’s everyone’s freedom for their thinking, belief, desire, action and the consequences of their action.

Swami Sivananda taught, “Even if all the leaders are taken out of the world now, the world will run on smoothly, probably more smoothly. Even if all the people retire into the forest, the world will go on.”

The world is so quiet and peaceful when everyone have gone to sleep and there’s nobody performing any actions in the world with the great aspiration to make the world to be in any particular way that different people desire and think how it should be.

In yoga, it’s not about the sense of duty and responsibility towards the world, but out of compassion, love the world as it is, not necessarily the way that ‘I’ desire it to be. One doesn’t claim possession/ownership towards the world being ambitious to make the world to be the way that ‘I’ desire it to be and the way that ‘I’ think how it should be. One just do one’s best to look after one’s mind, to stop contributing impurities and unrest into the world, and respecting the law of nature – Impermanence and Selflessness.

Be free.