When someone is in love with another person, it’s natural that one has the ‘desire’ to be loved by that person, and if the other person also has the ‘desire’ to love this person, and to be in a relationship with this person, one ‘expects’ that being in a relationship means there should be ‘commitment’ among them towards each other, one starts to have the ‘possessiveness’ to ‘own’ the other person and the relationship, thinking that this person is in a relationship with ‘I’, this relationship belongs to ‘I’, this person is ‘mine’, this person should be faithful and loyal to ‘I’.
One also has the great expectation that since ‘I’ love you so much, you should be loving me as much as ‘I’ love you, and expect the relationship to be the way that ‘I’ think it should be. And one gets so disappointed, upset and angry when the other person also have other ‘desires’ to be fulfilled, and those desires are nothing to do with ‘I’. Anger, hatred and jealousy over-powering the ‘love’ that we think we have for the one who we think we ‘love’. It clearly shows that we don’t really love that person, but just want to possess him or her to be ‘mine’. And if we don’t get what we want, we are not happy and are very angry.
It also shows that we don’t love ourselves either, as we are hurting ourselves with anger, hatred and jealousy. If we don’t even love ourselves, how can we love another person ‘properly’, as we will expect that person will give us what we want that will make us feel loved and feel good?
It doesn’t have to be like this.
We can just love, and let him or her to be free to be who he or she is, and let him or her go if that is what he or she desires.
If we know how to love without any selfish desires, expectation and possessiveness, we only wish the one that we love will be happy as he or she is, whether he or she loves us or not, or had loved us but not anymore, and whether he or she loves another person and not us. We are happy as we are, as we love unconditionally. Without expecting him or her to love us the way that we want it to be.
May all who desire to love another, or be loved by another, be free to love and be loved unconditionally.
When two people truly love one another, there is no ‘commitment’ that needs to be observed. There’s no need to have faithfulness or loyalty. Naturally they will stay in that relationship, no matter they are together, or not.
By having expectation towards the one whom we think we love to be faithful and loyal to us, clearly indicates that we don’t love this person actually. We only want to fulfill our selfish desire to be loved the way that we want it to be.
Falling in love with someone whom we like very much should be something sweet, content, joyful and happy, but it is not necessarily so, if we start to have doubts, jealousy, anger, disappointment, guilt, fear and worry being in that love relationship, as we attached to that love and the relationship, have clinging onto the feelings of love and sweetness, afraid of impermanent changes, or afraid of losing it, or afraid of some other people will come into the relationship and cause disturbance and destruction in that relationship, and so on.
So unpeaceful, anxious and restless to fall in love and to be in a love relationship, if we don’t know how to love ‘freely’ without attachment and expectation. We are not free for loving someone, and the person whom we love ‘very much’ also is not free for being ‘loved’ by us.
May all beings be free to love and be loved.