There’s nothing wrong if our mind suffers unhappiness and depression as it reacts with disappointment, feelings of hurt and anger, when it feels disturbed by some unpleasant or undesirable experiences in life. But, this is not necessarily. The mind can be free from suffering of anger, hurts, and all sorts of unhappiness, if it is free from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation. This suffering of unhappiness has nothing to do with other people’s attitude and behavior, that people should behave in certain ways, but they didn’t, or they shouldn’t behave in certain ways, but they did.
When our egoistic mind perceives and feels hurt and angry by somebody’s actions or speech that it thinks and believes as hurtful or wrong, it’s normal that the mind will think and believe that “I am a victim of other people’s bad and wrong attitude and behavior”, at the same time it expects empathy and sympathy from some other human beings. When it gets the reaction and response that it expected, it feels better about itself by getting the support that it wants and it thinks it deserves. But when it doesn’t get the reaction and response that it expected, the mind becomes more disturbed and unhappy, not because of the initial undesirable experience that it had, but it didn’t get the support that it wanted and deserved.
Some people feel empathy or sympathy towards other people’s suffering, most probably will think that these suffering people should be feeling hurt by other people’s bad and wrong behavior unto them, and they should be angry. But this will only feed and intensify the anger and unhappiness in them, it won’t help them to be free from the root cause of suffering, which is ignorance and egoism, and their side products of anger, hatred, feelings of hurt, defensiveness, offensiveness, craving and aversion, expectation, and etc.
We need to have the wisdom and courage to admit that ‘what we think and thus how we feel’ (being victimized, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, unhappy, angry, depressed, and etc), is our very own responsibility. It’s not coming from other people’s bad and wrong attitude and behavior, or how other people treat us. It’s coming from our own mind perception of names and forms, and how our mind reacts based on what our mind believes what things are, under the influence of ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation.
Under the influence of ignorance and egoism, we expect all human beings should behave in certain ways that we think it should be. We expect ourselves should be treated in certain ways that we think we deserve to be treated. We expect other human beings should treat ourselves or one another in certain ways. When we feel disturbed, hurt, unhappy, disappointed, frustrated, angry, and etc, it’s not because of other people’s attitude and behavior are bad and wrong according to what our mind believes as bad and wrong, but it is because of our desires, carving, aversion or expectation are not being gratified the way that we think it should be. We are getting something that we don’t like and don’t want. We are not getting the things that we like and want, the way that we think it should be.
If we truly want to be happy and be free, we need to learn how to let go of the thinking and belief about “I am a victim of other people’s bad and wrong attitude and behavior”, and stop seeking empathy, sympathy and support from some other human beings. Nobody has the obligation to give anyone extra care, or attention, or special treatment that we think we deserved, the way that we think it should be, to make us feel better.
People are nice to other beings is out of loving kindness, compassion and free-will, it’s not an obligation. Be grateful if there are people who are nice and be kind to us. But we cannot expect other people should be nice and be kind to us or to one another.
If other people are not nice and unkind to us or other beings, that is their freedom and their responsibility. We don’t have to be disturbed and suffered for other people’s attitude and behavior that we think and believe is not nice and unkind. It doesn’t mean that we support other people to be bad and wrong, if we are not affected or determined by other people’s ignorant behavior. But we don’t have to suffer for other people’s ignorance. Ourselves are under the influence of ignorance if we think we have to suffer for other people’s ignorance. We are suffered is because of our own ignorance.
It requires great degrees of non-attachment, non-identification, self-awareness, self-discipline, correct understanding, patience, perseverance, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, forgiveness and compassion for us to be able to allow the reality to be what it is even if we don’t like the reality and disagree with it, and let go of past experiences, not clinging onto the pleasant experiences, nor holding onto the unpleasant experiences, without being disturbed or determined by both pleasant and unpleasant experiences, to be compassionate towards ourselves, by free our mind from feelings of hurts, anger, longing or expectation.