There are many different ways to cope with all kinds of suffering in the world to an extent, or even to be free from suffering. Especially in the suffering involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences. Some people might keep to themselves hiding in the dark, while some people might try to get help from professional psychologists or spiritual healers, and some might turn to drugs or engage in some sorts of activities to escape the pain. Most of the time, when people try to look for help from the outside, it would involve third parties showing loving kindness, sympathy, empathy, supports, actions of sharing, caring, listening, and giving helps physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally to the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, as well as to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. If one doesn’t know how to be free from continuously be disturbed by painful experiences (past and present), it will affect one’s relationships with everyone.
In the teachings of yoga, it’s beyond third parties showing love and care and supports towards the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, or to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. But it is guiding and allowing them to help themselves and love themselves without the need of sympathy/empathy/supports from third parties, to see the truth of suffering through silencing the mind, to be free from the root cause of all sufferings – ignorance and egoism. A lot of times, the teachings of yoga that lead the impure suffering ignorant egoistic minds to the realization of the truth of suffering are not something that the worldly conditioning minds would agree with or like to hear/practice, particularly the minds who think and believe they are ‘good’ and ‘kind’, that are conditioned by worldly thinking and are still functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism.
Those who are free from suffering through the self-realization of the truth of suffering, there is no anger, or hatred, or fault finding, or blame, or condemn, or avenge, or punishment towards ‘the suffering’, ‘the sufferer’, ‘the cause of suffering’, or ‘those who directly or indirectly inflict the suffering’. There’s no need to forget, or to escape, or to be healed, or to be bitter, or to be shameful about, or to attain revenge. One acknowledges/confronts the experience or the memory of the experience which couldn’t be undone without attachment, identification, aversion, anger, hatred, or fear. One is free and has peace undetermined by unpleasant past experiences inflicted by ignorant beings out of ignorance.
The experience of suffering, or ‘I’ am suffering (whether ‘I’ think it’s because ‘I’ am ‘bad’ and ‘sinful’ or it’s because other people are ‘bad’ and ‘evil’), is born out of ignorance. The actions and the performers of the actions that inflict suffering onto others or themselves, whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, are born out of ignorance. But ignorance is not ‘the one’ to be blamed for suffering either. There’s none/nothing to be blamed at all for the existence of suffering inflicted by ignorant behavior.
Those who have realized the truth of life existence consisting the impermanent and selfless existence and function of the impure/ignorant/egoistic mind and the impermanent limited physical body, whom have realized selflessness and compassion, they won’t be traumatized/disturbed/hurt/abused by what the worldly conditioned impure/ignorant/egoistic mind think and believe as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’ or ‘abusive’ life experiences. They are free from suffering that actually derived from conditioned reactions out of ignorance and egoism from one’s impure mind towards what the mind perceives as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’, or ‘abusive’ experience.
This doesn’t mean that the abuse, the victim of abuse, the abuser and the abusive behavior don’t exist at all, or the mind has incorrect recognition about the unpleasant/unkind abusive experience. But, the liberated mind has no identification as ‘the victim of the abuse’, and has gone beyond the experience that the mind recognizes as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or ‘abusive’, and it confronts/observes the experience and those whom directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally involve in the experience with compassion, being aware of all kinds of disturbing/abusive/hurtful/torturing actions are born out of ignorance. The realization of selflessness and compassion transcends all kinds of suffering inflict by ignorant behavior born out of ignorance. Meanwhile those who perform ignorant behavior out of ignorance will bear the consequences of their actions even though ‘the victim of other people’s ignorant behavior’ doesn’t suffer for ‘other people’s ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ behavior out of ignorance’.
All minds have the right and freedom to feel angry, hurt, traumatized, or depressed, when they experience something that the minds recognize as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’, or ‘hurtful’ and ‘abusive’. But why should we suffer for other people’s ignorant behavior that our minds think and believe as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’? We don’t have to. We have the choice not to suffer for other people’s ignorance. By allowing ourselves to suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior is actually self-harming/self-abusing our body and mind, out of ignorance and egoism. People are not aware that actually everyone has been constantly hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind with ceaseless impure egoistic reactions of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and etc, from the past to the present, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Those who realized selflessness and are compassionate, they stop hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind as their minds are from ignorance and egoism, as well as they don’t suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, even though there might be damages or painful/unpleasant sensations in the body and mind caused by other people’s ignorant behavior. When one is free from suffering, it doesn’t mean that one is agreeing or supporting other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, or actionlessly allowing ignorant beings to inflict ignorant behavior onto one’s body and mind. One can do one’s best to prevent/protect oneself from other people’s ignorant behavior, but one has no attachment towards one’s actions and the result of the actions, and has complete understanding towards all the impure actions and reactions in the world are born out of ignorance and egoism.
If one realizes the truth of selflessness and compassion, one will be free from feeling angry/hurt/traumatized/depressed towards life experience that impure minds recognized or perceived as traumatic, disturbing, hurtful, or abusive. One is able to confront all kinds of ‘suffering’ with peace and compassion, and stands as a witness and be compassionate towards the experience (the suffering), the one who suffers (the body and mind), and the one who inflict the suffering (the ignorant).
May all be free from all kinds of physical, mental, psychological and emotional sufferings through silencing the mind to realize the truth of suffering, selflessness and compassion, and be free from suffering of anger, hatred, jealousy, avenge, hurts, guilt, regret, self-harm, self-blame, disappointment, painful sorrow, fear and worry due to past and present traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences.
It’s everyone’s freedom whether they choose to continually be disturbed or haunted by their past traumatic/disturbing life experience and feel angry and bitter, or they can choose to let it go and have peace.