Children grow up without a father or a mother or both parents

Of course, it would be good if the children grow up in an environment that they are being loved and supported by both ‘loving’ parents.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, one of the parents is not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if at least there is a ‘loving’ father or mother being there to love and support the children.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, both of the parents are not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if they can depend on some other people’s charity, love and support until they become independent.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, there’s nobody being there to love and support the children as they grow up, that they have to depend on themselves and nature, it would be good if the children know how to love themselves and be independent without self-pity, self-blame and bitterness, no matter how difficult and harsh it can be.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, the children grow up in an environment where one or both of the parents or the care taker, is ignorant, unloving, selfish and abusive, it would be better if the children grow up without the parents or any care takers. Growing up in an environment surrounded by and under the influence of ignorant people with ignorant behavior can be worst than being alone not be surrounded by ignorant people with ignorant influences. Children grow up under the care of one or both of the parents are not necessarily well brought up to have the correct understanding of life and be free from unhappiness and suffering, who won’t hurt themselves or other beings out of ignorance and egoism, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

If life appears to be challenging and difficult, most important is that one knows how to love oneself, and has peace and compassion. It’s not a suffering or unfortunate if one grows up being abandoned or unloved or unsupported or being abused, if one has self-awareness and self-realization, be free from ignorance and egoism. There’s no need of self-pity, self-blame, anger, hatred, envy, bitterness, defensiveness, offensiveness, fear or worry.

Being alone, by oneself, of solitude, is not something ‘bad’ or ‘difficult’ or ‘hardship’ or ‘suffering’. It’s indeed a great ‘fortune’ to immerse into the silence of solitude, of peace and compassion, being free from ignorance and egoism.

Many people are surrounded by some or many other people, of family and friends, but they are not necessarily peaceful and be free from suffering.

Be free.

May all be free from all kinds of suffering especially involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experience

There are many different ways to cope with all kinds of suffering in the world to an extent, or even to be free from suffering. Especially in the suffering involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences. Some people might keep to themselves hiding in the dark, while some people might try to get help from professional psychologists or spiritual healers, and some might turn to drugs or engage in some sorts of activities to escape the pain. Most of the time, when people try to look for help from the outside, it would involve third parties showing loving kindness, sympathy, empathy, supports, actions of sharing, caring, listening, and giving helps physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally to the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, as well as to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. If one doesn’t know how to be free from continuously be disturbed by painful experiences (past and present), it will affect one’s relationships with everyone.

In the teachings of yoga, it’s beyond third parties showing love and care and supports towards the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, or to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. But it is guiding and allowing them to help themselves and love themselves without the need of sympathy/empathy/supports from third parties, to see the truth of suffering through silencing the mind, to be free from the root cause of all sufferings – ignorance and egoism. A lot of times, the teachings of yoga that lead the impure suffering ignorant egoistic minds to the realization of the truth of suffering are not something that the worldly conditioning minds would agree with or like to hear/practice, particularly the minds who think and believe they are ‘good’ and ‘kind’, that are conditioned by worldly thinking and are still functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

Those who are free from suffering through the self-realization of the truth of suffering, there is no anger, or hatred, or fault finding, or blame, or condemn, or avenge, or punishment towards ‘the suffering’, ‘the sufferer’, ‘the cause of suffering’, or ‘those who directly or indirectly inflict the suffering’. There’s no need to forget, or to escape, or to be healed, or to be bitter, or to be shameful about, or to attain revenge. One acknowledges/confronts the experience or the memory of the experience which couldn’t be undone without attachment, identification, aversion, anger, hatred, or fear. One is free and has peace undetermined by unpleasant past experiences inflicted by ignorant beings out of ignorance.

The experience of suffering, or ‘I’ am suffering (whether ‘I’ think it’s because ‘I’ am ‘bad’ and ‘sinful’ or it’s because other people are ‘bad’ and ‘evil’), is born out of ignorance. The actions and the performers of the actions that inflict suffering onto others or themselves, whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, are born out of ignorance. But ignorance is not ‘the one’ to be blamed for suffering either. There’s none/nothing to be blamed at all for the existence of suffering inflicted by ignorant behavior.

Those who have realized the truth of life existence consisting the impermanent and selfless existence and function of the impure/ignorant/egoistic mind and the impermanent limited physical body, whom have realized selflessness and compassion, they won’t be traumatized/disturbed/hurt/abused by what the worldly conditioned impure/ignorant/egoistic mind think and believe as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’ or ‘abusive’ life experiences. They are free from suffering that actually derived from conditioned reactions out of ignorance and egoism from one’s impure mind towards what the mind perceives as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’, or ‘abusive’ experience.

This doesn’t mean that the abuse, the victim of abuse, the abuser and the abusive behavior don’t exist at all, or the mind has incorrect recognition about the unpleasant/unkind abusive experience. But, the liberated mind has no identification as ‘the victim of the abuse’, and has gone beyond the experience that the mind recognizes as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or ‘abusive’, and it confronts/observes the experience and those whom directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally involve in the experience with compassion, being aware of all kinds of disturbing/abusive/hurtful/torturing actions are born out of ignorance. The realization of selflessness and compassion transcends all kinds of suffering inflict by ignorant behavior born out of ignorance. Meanwhile those who perform ignorant behavior out of ignorance will bear the consequences of their actions even though ‘the victim of other people’s ignorant behavior’ doesn’t suffer for ‘other people’s ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ behavior out of ignorance’.

All minds have the right and freedom to feel angry, hurt, traumatized, or depressed, when they experience something that the minds recognize as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’, or ‘hurtful’ and ‘abusive’. But why should we suffer for other people’s ignorant behavior that our minds think and believe as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’? We don’t have to. We have the choice not to suffer for other people’s ignorance. By allowing ourselves to suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior is actually self-harming/self-abusing our body and mind, out of ignorance and egoism. People are not aware that actually everyone has been constantly hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind with ceaseless impure egoistic reactions of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and etc, from the past to the present, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Those who realized selflessness and are compassionate, they stop hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind as their minds are from ignorance and egoism, as well as they don’t suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, even though there might be damages or painful/unpleasant sensations in the body and mind caused by other people’s ignorant behavior. When one is free from suffering, it doesn’t mean that one is agreeing or supporting other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, or actionlessly allowing ignorant beings to inflict ignorant behavior onto one’s body and mind. One can do one’s best to prevent/protect oneself from other people’s ignorant behavior, but one has no attachment towards one’s actions and the result of the actions, and has complete understanding towards all the impure actions and reactions in the world are born out of ignorance and egoism.

If one realizes the truth of selflessness and compassion, one will be free from feeling angry/hurt/traumatized/depressed towards life experience that impure minds recognized or perceived as traumatic, disturbing, hurtful, or abusive. One is able to confront all kinds of ‘suffering’ with peace and compassion, and stands as a witness and be compassionate towards the experience (the suffering), the one who suffers (the body and mind), and the one who inflict the suffering (the ignorant).

May all be free from all kinds of physical, mental, psychological and emotional sufferings through silencing the mind to realize the truth of suffering, selflessness and compassion, and be free from suffering of anger, hatred, jealousy, avenge, hurts, guilt, regret, self-harm, self-blame, disappointment, painful sorrow, fear and worry due to past and present traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences.

It’s everyone’s freedom whether they choose to continually be disturbed or haunted by their past traumatic/disturbing life experience and feel angry and bitter, or they can choose to let it go and have peace.

Be free.

Anger and hatred in love relationship?

Some people came to my blog with the search word “Anger and hatred in love relationship”

If someone feels very unhappy, disturbed, or depressed being in a relationship, and has anger and hatred towards the partner by blaming his or her partner as the one who is responsible for his or her unhappiness, constantly thinking and believing that his or her partner doesn’t love or care for him or her, or is being abusive towards him or her, at the same time, out of anger and hatred, he or she is constantly bitching about his or her partner to his or her friends, then there is something not quite right in this relationship.

If the partner is truly so bad and nasty, this person has a choice to step out from this relationship, move on and be free from all the unhappiness for being in that relationship with that partner. But then if this person tells himself or herself and other people, that he or she ‘loves’ the partner very much, and doesn’t want to let this relationship go, then there is something really not right here with this relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with being angry towards something that we don’t agree with, don’t like and don’t want, but there’s something not right if we have persistent anger, hatred and fear towards the person who is in the relationship with us, and we need to bitch about our partner. How can we say we love our partner very much when we bitch about him or her out of anger and hatred? This is not because our partner doesn’t love us. But we don’t really love ourselves and neither do we love our partner. We are unhappy, angry and hating is because we couldn’t get the relationship the way that we want it to be, and we couldn’t get our partner to behave and treat us the way that we like it to be. We didn’t get what we like and want, but we are getting something that we don’t like and don’t want from being in the relationship. It’s all about my desires, my happiness, my satisfaction, what I like and what I want.

It’s like, “I love this relationship because it gives me certain things that I want, and I don’t want to let it go. I also hate this relationship because I couldn’t get some other things that I want for being in this relationship.”

If the partner is truly so bad, doesn’t love or care for us, and being in the relationship is so unhappy and disharmony for us, but for some reasons, out of personal interests or desires, we still want to be in that relationship or being reluctant to let go of the relationship, it shows that there is a problem, but it is not with the partner, it is with us.

Move on. If truly our partner doesn’t love us, and is abusing and hurting us whether physically, or mentally, or emotionally. It’s meaningless to continue to be in such relationship.

Move on. If life is so miserable by having this relationship, or life can be happier without this relationship.

If we realized that it is our own responsibility, and we think we love our partner, and we still want to be in the relationship, then we need to work on ourselves, learn how to love and accept ourselves as we are, without expecting the relationship or our partner to fulfill our desires.

Be happy.