Being conditioned by egoistic thinking pattern unwittingly

The minds can still be functioning under the influence of conditional egoistic thinking pattern to behave, judge, expect, aspire, act and react, unwittingly, even if the minds have ‘good’ intention to be supporting and upholding ‘good’ values/practice/behavior, and believe in performing ‘good’ actions and standing up for protecting ‘goodness and righteousness’ in the world.

Yoga practice is to free the mind from conditional egoistic thinking pattern that most minds are unaware of, while thinking and believing that those thinking and beliefs are the important values of humanity.

Yoga practitioners can perform self-introspection to find out whether one’s mind is being conditioned by egoistic thinking pattern unwittingly, by asking oneself these questions, as most minds are unaware of itself is being conditioned to think and believe in such way, to behave, judge, expect, aspire, act and react.

– Is there a strong sense of belonging towards a particular name and form of family/relationship/friendship/social group/community/country/nationality/ethnicity/culture/religion/school/spirituality/profession/politic/any form of practice and etc, and one would do one’s best to uphold and protect that particular name and form that the mind thinks and believes, ‘This is where I belong, that I am being proud of being part of it, and I have the duty and responsibility to do my best to be protecting it from being hurt, damaged or destroyed by what I think and believe as negativity, badness and wrongfulness’, or I don’t know where I belong and it’s important for me to be in searching for something/somewhere that I belonged to, that can give me the sense of belonging?

– Does the mind thinks and believes that patriotism and loyalty towards something/somewhere that one belonged to, is a great value or quality that everyone should be cherished and be proud of, where ‘Betrayal of any kind is something terribly wrong and unforgivable, and those who commit any form of betrayal must be condemned and punished accordingly’?

– Does the mind thinks and believes that there are certain things/objects/lives that it likes and agrees with, that it understands as something important and appreciates very much shouldn’t be subject to ‘impermanent changes’ and don’t deserve ‘extinction’?

Not that patriotism and loyalty or upholding something that one’s mind thinks and believes is ‘good and righteous’ is something bad or wrong, but it promotes ‘separateness’ and ‘discrimination’ where it doesn’t allow the mind to go beyond the conditional thinking pattern that hinders the mind from realizing selflessness, oneness, non-separateness, namelessness, formlessness and attributelessness, which is the ultimate goal of yoga. Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with showing great appreciation towards something that the mind perceives as important, lovable and agreeable, but the intense attachment towards something that the mind thinks and believes is important, lovable and agreeable, and not allowing everything being what they are, where everything will change and disappear, is what hinders the mind from realizing ‘yoga’, or be free from ignorance and suffering.

Patriotism/Loyalty and the sense of belonging or the need to find where one belonged to don’t exist in selflessness. Due to ignorance and egoism, many yoga practitioners are still being conditioned by such egoistic thinking pattern, where they think and believe that they belong to certain ‘yoga lineage’, or ‘yoga family’, or ‘yoga community’. Similarly, the minds that are free from ignorance and egoism can be appreciating all the lovable and agreeable names and forms, but without attachment and are able to respect the law of nature (impermanence and selflessness) as it is, and be able to let them go, in peace.

Patriotism/loyalty and self-righteousness is not yoga practice. Yoga practitioners must work cautiously and diligently to free the mind from such egoistic thinking/belief/values/practice in order to free the mind from ignorance and egoism, to realize selflessness/oneness/non-separateness/namelessness/formlessness/attributelessness, that leads the mind towards right discrimination towards the truth of everything and non-discrimination towards all the different qualities of names and forms that co-existing in this space, which all are subject to impermanence and selflessness.

How to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

Many people experience hurtful feeling or ‘heartbroken’ derived from love relationship that is not the way that they like/expect it to be, or it didn’t have a happy ever after ending. In the beginning it was all good and happy, but after some time, something changed, it’s not the same as before, and it turns sour and bitter, and then completely broken. It’s quite painful/hurtful/sorrowful.

Some people would like to know how yoga can help them to be ‘healed’ from hurts, or how to be free from getting hurt in love relationship, or how to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

The yogic way to be free from all suffering is through understanding/knowing the truth of suffering. It’s not about ‘healing’ as many would think what it is. All suffering derived from ignorance and egoism. Once ignorance and egoism is annihilated, there’s nothing or none needs to be ‘healed’.

Some people had tried to let go after they learned about the teachings of yoga about letting go, but they found that it’s very difficult or impossible to let go. This is because they don’t have the correct understanding of what is going on in the mind. Upon understanding what is going on in the mind (all the impermanent selfless modification and changes in the mind and the real cause of pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness), all the pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness ceased existing, there’s needless to let go anything.

It’s not an obligation or compulsory duty as a human being to must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life ‘happily’ or ‘normally’.

One doesn’t need to possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily as one is, if the mind is free from being conditioned by worldly/cultural thinking and belief. It’s merely part of the worldly/cultural thinking and belief that many people think and believe that everyone must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily and meaningfully. Most people’s values of life, self-worth, success, confidence, happiness and the senses of meaningfulness are very much being determined by having one or many (good) love relationship/friendship, which is unnecessary at all if one’s mind is free from ignorance and egoism. If people don’t have any love relationship/friendship or they have bad/unhappy/broken love relationship/friendship, they would think and feel bad, unworthy, low confident, failing, depressed, or meaningless about themselves and their life. This is truly unnecessary. One can be friendly to all beings without the need of possessing one or many (good) ‘committed love relationship’ or ‘friendship’, and still be happy as one is.

If we really want to be in a love relationship, we must first learn how to respect everyone and love everyone as they are.

When we feel unhappy/dissatisfied/disappointed/angry/hurt in a love relationship, ask ourselves this, “Do we love them as they are? Are we being possessive towards the people in a relationship with us and have expectation towards everyone about how they should behave or feel?”

Even if we dislike and disagree with this, everyone has the freedom to behave or feel the way that they (want to) behave and feel, even if they are being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody. No one is obliged to respect ‘commitment in a relationship’. True relationship where two parties truly love each other and want to stay together out of their own freewill, doesn’t have ‘commitment’ to be respected. Even after being in a relationship, people have the freedom of how they feel and what they want, whether they want to love someone, or stop loving someone, or don’t want to love someone, or they changed from being loving/caring to unloving/uncaring, or they want to stay in a relationship or end a relationship, or they merely want to be single again even though they still love the person in the relationship with them, or they want to be with someone else, or they couldn’t help themselves being selfish/abusive, or they are suffering from depression/emotional problem/behavior problem/greed/dissatisfaction/lustful desire, and etc.

Meanwhile, we also have the freedom and rights for how we want to feel (whether okay or not okay) and what we want to do with the relationship, to decide whether to let go or continue the ‘broken’ relationship depending on what is best for everyone, especially when it includes children. There’s neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad in any decision made. If we truly know what we want and don’t want, and what is best for everyone, there’s no difficulty in making decision and there’s no guilt or regret in any decision made. Such like, ending a ‘violent/abusive’ relationship is better for oneself and the children, without hurtful/revengeful/fearful feelings due to compassion and understanding in oneself, being compassionate towards the person in the relationship with us is suffering from mental/emotional/behavior problem.

Find out the truth of our feelings of love towards the person in the relationship with us.

Do we really love the person in the relationship with us, or we only love what we like and want from being in the relationship with someone? When ‘we’ feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt in a ‘broken’ relationship, it’s really nothing to do with how the people in a relationship with us behave in the relationship, whether they didn’t treat us nicely or they treat us badly, or how they want to feel, whether they feel love or don’t feel love for us, or what is their decision/desire, whether to continue staying in or ending the relationship with us. When we feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt, it’s because ‘I don’t like/want/agree with this’ – Things are not being the way that we want it to be, or the relationship is not going to the direction that we want it to be.

If we truly know what is love, self love, unconditional love and what is relationship, then how we feel won’t be determined by how other people behave or feel towards us and whether the relationship is perfect or imperfect. We would love and accept them as they are, even if they don’t love us, or don’t want to love us, or don’t want to be in a relationship with us, or want to love someone else, or want to be in a relationship with someone else. We don’t and shouldn’t agree with or support or encourage any ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment or behavior from anyone, but at the same time, we don’t have to be influenced or determined by other people’s ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment and behavior. We won’t do or say things that would hurt them or those whom they love. We also won’t hurt ourselves in order to hurt them or make them feel bad/guilty/disturbed. We would wish everyone (whom we love or don’t love) peace and happiness whether they love us/be nice to us, or not.

Understand/Inquire the root cause of hurtful feeling in love relationship.

All hurtful feelings derived from ungratified desire of craving and aversion in our own mind (not getting what we like and want and getting what we don’t like and don’t want, and losing what we like and want), it’s not caused by bad relationship/bad life experience of bad people/partner/spouse/lover and their wrong doings or bad behavior. It’s how the mind reacts towards what it experiences or perceives that it doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with. It’s the responsibility of the mind itself whether to be disturbed or be undisturbed by all the unpleasant/challenging experiences.

If we truly love the person in the love relationship with us, we won’t feel hurt even if they don’t love us, or stop loving us, or love someone else.

Most minds/human beings are not perfect, full of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

We would understand that due to ignorance and egoism, people would behave selfishly and irrationally, and be unloving towards the people in a relationship with them, regardless whether they think they love or don’t love the person in the relationship with them. People would do and say things that would cause physical/mental/emotional pain, even when they think they love the person in the relationship with them, not to say especially when they don’t really love the person in the relationship with them. We are hurting ourselves if we expect everyone to be perfectly ‘good’ and ‘loving’ the way that we think it should be, the way that we want them to be.

Respecting the law of impermanence.

The nature of minds/feelings/relationship/togetherness is impermanence, forever changing.

Everyone has the freedom and rights to love or not to love someone, or stop loving someone whom they used to love. Feelings will change. What we want in life will change. Life will change. Condition and situation will change. There’s nothing wrong with feelings changing from time to time. Most minds/human beings are not free from ignorance and egoism and are identifying strongly/passionately with fleeting feelings as ‘who they are’, their relationship with everyone and life existence are very much being influenced and determined by those fleeting feelings.

We would let go this relationship and the person in the relationship with us, in peace, if this relationship doesn’t work, even when two people still love each other, but couldn’t continue the relationship for some good reasons, not to say when one person in the relationship doesn’t feel love for the other person and doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or prefer to love someone else and be with someone else.

We will wish the person in the relationship with us and the people whom they love/cherish peace and happiness. Ourselves would also have peace and happiness being free from anger, hatred, jealousy, regret, guilt, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurts.

There is nothing wrong and it’s okay and we have the freedom and rights to feel angry, disappointed and hurt, but we don’t have to, if we understand.

If we feel angry, disappointed and hurt in a broken love relationship (when the relationship turns into something that we don’t like and don’t want, or the person in the relationship with us doesn’t behave or feel the way that we expect/would like them to behave or feel,) it’s because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don’t really love them. We don’t even love ourselves. We only love what we like and want of what we experience/get from being in the love relationship the way that we like and want it to be.

We are the one who is selfish, as we have expectation towards how the relationship should be like and how the person in the relationship with us should feel or behave, or how they should treat us in the way that we like and want. And when we don’t get what we like and want, and are getting what we don’t like and don’t want, or we are losing what we like and want towards the relationship and the love from the person in the relationship with us, we (the egoistic mind) feel betrayed, ill-treated, angry, jealous, dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt.

Who is feeling hurt?

It’s the ego, or the identification of ‘I’ who feels hurt by the perception of hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

If the mind is free from ignorance (knowing the truth of suffering) and egoism (free from the idea of ‘I’, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation), this mind won’t perceive hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences and react with hurtful feelings. This mind won’t be/feel hurt by anything, even if the perceptions of names and forms or life experiences are very unpleasant and challenging, when everything is not the way that we would like it to be.

Realize selflessness, the truth of ‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’.

‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’ doesn’t exist upon the realization of the truth. There’s no ‘I’ existing. There’s no one existing to be hurt, or experiencing hurt, or feeling hurt. There’s no one needs to be healed from hurt. All experiences are just what they are, neither hurtful nor not hurtful, upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. If anyone still feels hurt by something being perceived as ‘hurtful’, and believes that ‘I’ need to be healed from hurt, it’s due to ignorance and egoism.

Realize non-separateness or oneness of unconditional love.

One doesn’t need to rely/depend on receiving love/relationship/friendship/companionship/acknowledgement from anyone (not even ‘God’) to feel loved/confident/complete/satisfied/meaningful, if one realized non-separateness/oneness of unconditional love, without discrimination of self and not-self/others, conditions, possessiveness, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison, or expectation. There’s no unhappiness, anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurt. It doesn’t matter we have or don’t have any love relationship, and whether the love relationship turns out well or not well. One is still happy and peaceful as one is.

If we don’t know what is love or how to love, we will only end up unwittingly and ceaselessly hurting ourselves and those whom we think we love very much, especially those in a relationship with us. It’s because we don’t love ourselves and we don’t love those whom we think we love. We don’t love anyone, not even ‘God’, we only love the desires of what we like and want.

Be free.

Trustworthy? Reliability? Betrayal? Disappointment? Hurts?

If we ever feel betrayed by somebody whom we trust, it is our own responsibility. We cannot be angry or blame that person for being unreliable.

The point is, we don’t have to trust anyone. We don’t have to not trust anyone also. But we deal with everyone as they are, not because how they were in the past, or how they will be in the future.

When we trust somebody, that is because we trust ourselves, to allow ourselves to trust that person. And when that person betrays our trust, we are disappointed by our own trust towards ourselves, not because that person is not reliable. It is our own responsibility to take the risk to trust someone and expect that person to be reliable.

If we truly want to rely on something, it will be only ourselves. And sometimes, or most of the time, we can’t even trust ourselves (the one who we think we are). And so, free ourselves from this word ‘trustworthy’ or ‘reliability’, or expect ourselves or other people to be ‘reliable’.

Before we know our true Self, we don’t even know if this true Self exists or not, as we are ignorant. The thinking mind can’t perceive something that is nameless and formless, without qualities, beginningless and endless. Just like the mind sees things through the eyes, but the eyes itself doesn’t see, or it couldn’t see the mind. The mind exists, but only when it is being aware of itself. If the mind is not aware of itself, then whatever the mind perceives through the senses, it takes the name and form of the objects of the senses. The mind becomes what it perceives. That’s why the nature of the mind is forever changing and restless.

And so, we can’t say to ourselves, “Trust ourselves”, as this ‘ourselves’ who we think we are, is the thinking mind. It is impure, impermanent and will change. How can we rely on something that is always changing and not pure? We will only hurt ourselves if we rely on ‘ourselves’. But, when we realize our true Self, beyond the thinking mind, that is not subject to impermanence of the qualities of names and forms, then we can say, “Trust our Self”, or “Surrender to the higher Self”, as this Self is unchanging, uncontaminated by the ignorance or impurities in the mind. It is beyond what our mind believes as good and bad, reliable or unreliable.

Be free.

Om shanti.