May all be free from all kinds of suffering especially involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experience

There are many different ways to cope with all kinds of suffering in the world to an extent, or even to be free from suffering. Especially in the suffering involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences. Some people might keep to themselves hiding in the dark, while some people might try to get help from professional psychologists or spiritual healers, and some might turn to drugs or engage in some sorts of activities to escape the pain. Most of the time, when people try to look for help from the outside, it would involve third parties showing loving kindness, sympathy, empathy, supports, actions of sharing, caring, listening, and giving helps physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally to the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, as well as to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. If one doesn’t know how to be free from continuously be disturbed by painful experiences (past and present), it will affect one’s relationships with everyone.

In the teachings of yoga, it’s beyond third parties showing love and care and supports towards the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, or to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. But it is guiding and allowing them to help themselves and love themselves without the need of sympathy/empathy/supports from third parties, to see the truth of suffering through silencing the mind, to be free from the root cause of all sufferings – ignorance and egoism. A lot of times, the teachings of yoga that lead the impure suffering ignorant egoistic minds to the realization of the truth of suffering are not something that the worldly conditioning minds would agree with or like to hear/practice, particularly the minds who think and believe they are ‘good’ and ‘kind’, that are conditioned by worldly thinking and are still functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

Those who are free from suffering through the self-realization of the truth of suffering, there is no anger, or hatred, or fault finding, or blame, or condemn, or avenge, or punishment towards ‘the suffering’, ‘the sufferer’, ‘the cause of suffering’, or ‘those who directly or indirectly inflict the suffering’. There’s no need to forget, or to escape, or to be healed, or to be bitter, or to be shameful about, or to attain revenge. One acknowledges/confronts the experience or the memory of the experience which couldn’t be undone without attachment, identification, aversion, anger, hatred, or fear. One is free and has peace undetermined by unpleasant past experiences inflicted by ignorant beings out of ignorance.

The experience of suffering, or ‘I’ am suffering (whether ‘I’ think it’s because ‘I’ am ‘bad’ and ‘sinful’ or it’s because other people are ‘bad’ and ‘evil’), is born out of ignorance. The actions and the performers of the actions that inflict suffering onto others or themselves, whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, are born out of ignorance. But ignorance is not ‘the one’ to be blamed for suffering either. There’s none/nothing to be blamed at all for the existence of suffering inflicted by ignorant behavior.

Those who have realized the truth of life existence consisting the impermanent and selfless existence and function of the impure/ignorant/egoistic mind and the impermanent limited physical body, whom have realized selflessness and compassion, they won’t be traumatized/disturbed/hurt/abused by what the worldly conditioned impure/ignorant/egoistic mind think and believe as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’ or ‘abusive’ life experiences. They are free from suffering that actually derived from conditioned reactions out of ignorance and egoism from one’s impure mind towards what the mind perceives as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’, or ‘abusive’ experience.

This doesn’t mean that the abuse, the victim of abuse, the abuser and the abusive behavior don’t exist at all, or the mind has incorrect recognition about the unpleasant/unkind abusive experience. But, the liberated mind has no identification as ‘the victim of the abuse’, and has gone beyond the experience that the mind recognizes as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or ‘abusive’, and it confronts/observes the experience and those whom directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally involve in the experience with compassion, being aware of all kinds of disturbing/abusive/hurtful/torturing actions are born out of ignorance. The realization of selflessness and compassion transcends all kinds of suffering inflict by ignorant behavior born out of ignorance. Meanwhile those who perform ignorant behavior out of ignorance will bear the consequences of their actions even though ‘the victim of other people’s ignorant behavior’ doesn’t suffer for ‘other people’s ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ behavior out of ignorance’.

All minds have the right and freedom to feel angry, hurt, traumatized, or depressed, when they experience something that the minds recognize as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’, or ‘hurtful’ and ‘abusive’. But why should we suffer for other people’s ignorant behavior that our minds think and believe as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’? We don’t have to. We have the choice not to suffer for other people’s ignorance. By allowing ourselves to suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior is actually self-harming/self-abusing our body and mind, out of ignorance and egoism. People are not aware that actually everyone has been constantly hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind with ceaseless impure egoistic reactions of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and etc, from the past to the present, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Those who realized selflessness and are compassionate, they stop hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind as their minds are from ignorance and egoism, as well as they don’t suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, even though there might be damages or painful/unpleasant sensations in the body and mind caused by other people’s ignorant behavior. When one is free from suffering, it doesn’t mean that one is agreeing or supporting other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, or actionlessly allowing ignorant beings to inflict ignorant behavior onto one’s body and mind. One can do one’s best to prevent/protect oneself from other people’s ignorant behavior, but one has no attachment towards one’s actions and the result of the actions, and has complete understanding towards all the impure actions and reactions in the world are born out of ignorance and egoism.

If one realizes the truth of selflessness and compassion, one will be free from feeling angry/hurt/traumatized/depressed towards life experience that impure minds recognized or perceived as traumatic, disturbing, hurtful, or abusive. One is able to confront all kinds of ‘suffering’ with peace and compassion, and stands as a witness and be compassionate towards the experience (the suffering), the one who suffers (the body and mind), and the one who inflict the suffering (the ignorant).

May all be free from all kinds of physical, mental, psychological and emotional sufferings through silencing the mind to realize the truth of suffering, selflessness and compassion, and be free from suffering of anger, hatred, jealousy, avenge, hurts, guilt, regret, self-harm, self-blame, disappointment, painful sorrow, fear and worry due to past and present traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences.

It’s everyone’s freedom whether they choose to continually be disturbed or haunted by their past traumatic/disturbing life experience and feel angry and bitter, or they can choose to let it go and have peace.

Be free.

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Real love is free from bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred

It’s very common to see unhappiness, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred exist in many of the love relationships. That is because people don’t really love the person who is in the relationship with them, but they only love what they like and want from the relationship, or from the person who are in a relationship with them. These people don’t even love themselves. They expect the ‘appropriate’ treatment and behavior from the person in the relationship with them to give them the love, the attention, the commitment, the companionship, the treatment, the satisfaction and the happiness exactly the way that how they like it to be, or the way that they think it should be, to make them feel good and happy, to feel that they are well-loved and well-deserved. If they are not getting what they like and want from the person in the relationship with them, or they are not getting what they want and what they think they deserved from the relationship, and they are getting something that they don’t like and don’t want, or are getting something that they think they don’t deserve to be getting, they feel unhappy, bitter, dissatisfied, disappointed and angry. They think that their relationship is not good. They think that the person in the relationship with them is not good enough, or is bad. Or some would think that it’s because themselves are not good enough, or are bad, that they don’t deserve to love and be loved, or to be treated in the ‘right’ way that they think they should be treated.

Most of the time, we think we love someone, but actually, we don’t. We only love what we like and want. We love certain qualities that we perceive about that person and the ‘good’ image that we project onto that person which we like very much. We love what we like and want that we could receive from that person. We love what we like and want that is available to us from being in a relationship with that person.

And hence, we would get very angry and unhappy, or feel hurt, bitter, dissatisfied and disappointed, when the qualities or the image that we like about that person has changed into something else that we don’t like and don’t want, or when we are not getting what we like and want from that person anymore, or when the relationship with that person and the companionship of that person that we love very much is no longer available to us.

Out of feelings of hurt, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and unhappiness, we would do things and say things that would hurt ourselves and hurt the person whom we want to love, or whom we think we love very much and those whom he or she loves. Where is love? There’s no love. Only bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred when we are losing what we like and want, when we don’t get what we like and want, and are getting what we don’t like and don’t want.

Real love is unconditional, being free from bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred. We love the person as he is, as she is. We only wish him or her will have peace and happiness, even though he or she doesn’t love us (anymore), or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with us (anymore). We don’t have to allow ourselves to be abused or taken for granted, but, we could allow other people to love us, or not; to be nice to us, or not; want to be in a relationship with us, or not. Other people have the freedom to treat us the way that how they want to treat us. Other people have the freedom to behave the way that how they want to behave. We have the freedom to choose how we want to react towards other people’s behavior, actions and reactions.

It is our own responsibility if we want to react with ill-thinking, ill-feelings, ill-will, and we want to feel hurt, or bitter, or dissatisfied, or disappointed, or angry. It is not because other people’s behavior is bad or wrong.

How could we say “I love you” and “Since I love you so much, why don’t you appreciate my love for you and why do you disappoint me and betray my love for you?” and “Why don’t you love me the way that I like it to be, or how I deserve to be loved?” when we would do things and say things that would hurt him or her out of bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred when we are not getting what we like and want from him or her, or from the relationship we have with him or her? Or we would have ill-will for the person whom we ‘love’ very much, we wish him or her should be punished or suffered for being ‘bad’ to us, when he or she doesn’t want to love us, or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with us (anymore)? Because we don’t really love them at all if we would react with ill-will, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred in a relationship.

We expect that “I love you, you should also love me in return.” and “I am very good to you, you should also be good to me.” and “I uphold my commitment, duties and responsibilities towards you in our relationship, you should also uphold your commitment, duties and responsibilities towards me in our relationship.”

It is not other people or the relationship we have with them is bad and wrong that disappoints us. We are disappointed by our own expectation towards other people or the relationships we have with them. We don’t know what is love or how to love. We are being conditioned or brain-washed by our family cultural practice, or religious teachings, or social medias about how people should behave, about give and take, about relationships, and about code of conducts. We expect everyone should follow the same orders and code of conducts. That is what making us so unhappy and dissatisfied in any relationships, as we expect people should behave in certain ways and all relationships should be in certain ways, and if they don’t turn out to be the way that how we expect them to be, or how we think they should be, we are unhappy and dissatisfied.

We have the right and freedom on how we want to react and feel. There’s nothing wrong if we want to feel hurt, bitter and angry. But know that it’s coming from our own reactions towards something that we don’t like, don’t want and don’t agree with. It’s not coming from other people being bad and wrong.

Most people don’t like to hear all these. They just want to blame everything and everyone to be responsible for their reactions of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, bitterness, feelings of hurt, anger and hatred towards something that they don’t like and don’t want. There’s no freedom and there’s so much tension in oneself or in all our relationships with anyone, when we want to love others, or be loved by others.

And thus, those who know what is love and how to love, there’s no complaint, or criticism, or talk bad about their partners that they are not good enough, or are bad, even if they are really not good, or are really bad. Only those who don’t really love their partner would want to complain, criticize and talk bad about their partners out of dissatisfaction, disappointment, bitterness, unhappiness, anger and hatred because they are not getting what they like and want, but they are getting what they don’t like and don’t want. And they want to get agreement and support from other people by complaining to other people about their disappointment and unhappiness, to prove to themselves and other people that “I am good enough to deserve to be treated in a better way or in the right way, and it’s because my partner is not good, or is bad, and he or she doesn’t appreciate ‘my love’ and ‘what I’ve done’ for him or her, that is giving me problems and unhappiness, that is hurting me, or making me angry and miserable.”

Om shanti.

Addicted to anger and bitterness…

Some people don’t like to be angry and bitter, and want to be free from anger and bitterness.

While some people seem to enjoy being angry and bitter from time to time, and have no interest to stop being angry and bitter.

Anger and bitterness can be addictive. Just like most minds are addicted to being busy seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching and thinking, they have to be engaging in some sorts of mental or physical activities, or else they will feel very uncomfortable and irritated. Like fish out of water. After being in a silent meditation retreat for a few days observing all the disciplines of the silent retreat, the mind will want to runaway, thinking “What am I doing here? Wasting my time. I better off going back to the outside world doing something that I like to do…”

Some people don’t feel good or comfortable, if their minds are not having certain degrees of tension for some time.

The mind is already used to certain degrees of tension occupying the mind. The mind feels comfortable having certain degrees of tension that it familiars with.

The mind doesn’t know how to allow itself to be in a relaxed state, without any tension arise in the mind. The mind identifies the relaxed state of mind without any tension as boredom or void. And this makes the mind feels anxious, or out of control about everything and whatever situation that it is encountering. The mind prefers to be in a state of tension as it makes the mind feels safe and comfortable, or be in control and feels good about itself.

By being angry and bitter can generate a particular type of sensation/tension which the mind is craving for, or addicted to.

Due to impermanence, when the anger and bitterness towards something or someone is lessening or fading away from the mind, the mind will start looking for some other objects to be the target for the mind to be angry and bitter at. The mind doesn’t feel comfortable if anger and bitterness is absent in the mind. This behavior pattern of the mind exists in those who have the habits of fault finding, moaning, grumbling, back-biting, arguing, criticizing and condemning.

The mind actually takes pleasure in the tension or sensation that come from anger and bitterness. Just like certain people take pleasure in self-harm, and they won’t feel good and satisfied unless they induce self-harm onto themselves.

If we are aware of our mind keeps falling into a state of anger and bitterness quite frequently from time to time, while knowing that anger and bitterness is unhealthy for the body and mind, but still it wants to be in a state of anger and bitterness, then know that our mind could be addicted to anger and bitterness.

We think that there is something or someone that we don’t like or disagree with that inflicts the anger and bitterness in us. We think that our existing life problems and unhappiness are the responsibility of something or somebody, but not ‘I’.

Actually it’s our own mind finds pleasure in anger and bitterness, and keeps looking for something and someone to be a target for the mind to express anger and bitterness to satisfy the craving for certain tension or sensation.

No one can free another being from this ignorance and suffering. It has to come from self-realization of what is going on in the mind and understanding the behavior pattern of the mind, and willingly want to get out from the behavior pattern of the mind, or stop all the madness.

Om shanti.