Need not be disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others

There are so many ignorant actions/reactions/behavior and their consequences existing in this world deriving from people/human beings with the mind functioning under the influence of ignorance and the by-products of it, of egoism and impurities, wittingly or unwittingly.

There’s nothing wrong and it’s common that people who ‘love’ the world are being disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others. Everyone has the freedom to react and feel the way that they want to react and feel. But this is unnecessarily for the mind that is free from ignorance and egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation, even if this mind would like to do one’s best to maintain or uphold ‘goodness’ and ‘rightfulness’ in the world and to protect the world from ‘badness’ or ‘wrongfulness’ as much as possible, according to what the mind believes as ‘good’ and ‘right’, and vice versa.

Those who have no attachment towards this world or the mind perception of an impermanent and selfless life existence of names and forms, are not being disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others and the consequences of that, as there’s no need of such reaction.

One lives in the present as it is, constantly adjusting and adapting to any situation and condition, performing necessary actions, being fearless/worryless towards unforeseen circumstances that arise whether due to the law of nature or the ignorance of human beings, and respecting the world being what it is.

Everyone lives in the world, and yet, the world doesn’t belong to anyone. But due to ignorance and survival instinct that born out of ignorance, most people/human beings (either by oneself or by group) claim ownership and authorization towards certain territory in the world or the entire world, and desire to make that part of the world or the entire world to be the way that they would like it to be, and would discriminate and fight against those who desire the world to be the way that is different from what they desire, or those who appear to be non-cooperative/non-supportive in gratifying their desire of building a world that they prefer, or those who stand in their way obstructing their desire/ambition/aspiration of controlling the world to be in certain way that they desire.

The ones who are free from ignorance neither desire nor don’t desire the world to be in certain way, respecting the world being what it is, evolves as it is, and respecting the law of nature to be what it is.

The law of nature will always be what it is, and nothing can alter or stop the law of nature being what it is, not even ‘God’ will be interfering with the law of nature, for those who believe in ‘God’ existence, regardless of what they think ‘God’ is. Even the ‘God’ that comes with certain names and forms is also subject to the law of nature. Only minds/human beings under the influence of ignorance would think and believe that they are so great and powerful to be defeating the law of nature to gratify all their desires the way that they want it to be, or to control the world to be the way that they desire it to be.

It’s not about fighting against ignorant beings or other people’s ignorant thinking/belief/action/reaction/behavior/values/practice that the mind thinks and believes as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, but it’s working diligently to free this mind from ignorance.

Just do good without desiring or expecting or controlling the world to be good the way that the minds think and believe how it should be.

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Learn how to free the mind from all kinds of disturbs and hurts

When a mind/person feels disturbed, unhappy, angered, disappointed or hurt by something, usually the impulsive reaction will be expecting some kind of sympathy or empathy from other minds/people, and looking forward to be comforted, loved, looked after, acknowledged, or supported by other minds/people. And most minds/people would also think and believe that that is how people should react towards other people’s state of minds that are disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed or hurt, to be there to be listening to what they think is disturbing their minds and comforting these suffering minds/people by showing them love, care, acknowledgement and support, to be sharing and lessening their ‘unhappiness’ or ‘suffering’, in terms of generating a ‘loving kindness’ society/community. There’s nothing wrong with that and it might give the troubled/disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt minds certain degrees of relieve, to feel better, but it doesn’t help them to be free from the root cause of the suffering from disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. Instead, most probably it might be unintentionally empowering or feeding the attachment, clinging, craving or expectation in people’s mind.

Just like giving sugary fizzy drinks to the unhappy kids might make them feel happy, but they would crave for more sugary drinks to make them feel happy. As once the craving is being gratified, it would only intensify the craving. And if their craving is not being gratified, they would be more unhappy. That’s not freedom at all.

There’s clinging, craving and expectation towards receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, even though there’s nothing wrong with receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, as this is what most worldly minds/people believe and expect the society/community/family/relationship/friendship should be, but the mind is not free. If for some reasons, the mind doesn’t get what it thinks and believes it deserves to be getting from others, it will be more disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt and would do things that would hurt itself and/or others. This is not freedom.

As well as most egoistic minds would want to feel that they are needed by others to feel good and meaningful about themselves and their life existence, that they are capable to give and show love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support to others who ‘need’ them. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that, just that these minds would feel bad or meaningless if for some reasons they think that they are not needed by some others, or when they think that other people do not appreciate what they give. This is not freedom.

Only those who can go beyond worldly thinking and belief can penetrate the real meaning of this teaching and practice. It doesn’t mean that everyone in the society will become ‘cold’, ‘heartless’ or ‘lack of sympathy/empathy’, but the minds are free from clinging, craving or expectation towards receiving the ‘deserving’ love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support from others to feel loved, cared, worthy, comforted, acknowledged or supported, to feel good and meaningful, by knowing what is going on in the mind and be free from ignorance and egoism, and thus, be free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. One doesn’t need anyone to be there to be listening to one’s ‘troubles’, ‘unhappiness’ or ‘hurts’, to be ‘comforted’, as there’s no trouble, unhappiness or hurt existing in this liberated mind. One also can give and show sympathy, empathy, love, care and support to others without the attachment, identification, craving, intention or expectation in order to attain good and meaningful feelings towards oneself or one’s life existence. That is true freedom and compassion.

Yoga practice such like cleansing technique, breathing exercises, yoga asana exercises, chanting, prayer, or concentration practice, can also give the effects of relieving certain degrees of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment or hurts in the minds, but again, it doesn’t stop the mind from continuing be disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed, or hurt by something that they don’t like, don’t want and don’t agree with, that they think is bad, wrong, disturbing, unhappy, frustrating, disappointing, or hurtful, if the mind is not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Those who truly want to learn and practice yoga, it’s not about doing some forms of yoga practice to be getting some conditional and impermanent physical/mental/emotional benefits or getting some momentary relief from what they think is painful suffering, but they learn how to free the mind from the root cause of all kinds of suffering, of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts.

Naturally, the society will have more physical/mental/emotional healthy minds/people, where the minds/people realized unconditional love from within, know how to look after themselves and love others unconditionally, being free from clinging, craving, aversion or expectation.

But not many minds/people would understand and appreciate the greatness of this freedom. Most minds/people believe in and want a society/community/family/relationship/friendship that builds on ‘needing each other’ all the time to feel love, good, happy and meaningful, and to feel less lonely or to escape loneliness. That’s how people are being taken advantage by others who have selfish intention being in a relationship or friendship. Even in the world of yoga, some yoga teachers or so called ‘gurus’ take advantage of the yoga students for their vulnerability when the students longing or expecting to be receiving comfort, sympathy, empathy, kindness, love, care, affection, acknowledgment, or supports from the yoga teachers or ‘gurus’.

It’s everyone’s freedom for what they think or don’t think, believe or disbelieve, want and don’t want. People don’t have to practice yoga of freeing the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, but just want to do some yoga practice regularly and engaging in social/community activities, to attain some momentary physical/mental/emotional benefits or relief, to attain some kinds of conditional and impermanent good, positive, loving, happy and meaningful feelings.

Work diligently to free the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, if one wants to attain or realize this freedom.

Cause and effect – Consequences of actions

There’s neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, it’s just the law of cause and effect – different consequences of different actions.

The consequences of actions might be pleasant/desirable/agreeable or unpleasant/undesirable/disagreeable.

The different actions and the different consequences of the different actions are just what they are, neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative.

Something that the mind likes and agrees with, are being judged/categorized as ‘right’, ‘good’ and ‘positive’, while something that the mind dislikes and disagrees with, are being judged/categorized as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ by the mind under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

All these judgments are not the truth of things.

Free the mind from the influence of ignorance and egoism, to see the truth of things as it is, is the yoga and meditation practice. Upon seeing the truth, being free from ignorance and egoism, the mind is undisturbed by all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses. There’s no problems, dissatisfaction, hurts, unhappiness, sorrow, fear, or suffering.

All the other effects/benefits of the yoga practice are just the by-products which are also impermanent and selfless. By receiving all the impermanent effects/benefits of the yoga practice and coming in contact with/reading/hearing/studying/memorizing the teachings of yoga, or being highly intelligent/educated/accumulating vast knowledge of everything, doesn’t guarantee that the mind will be free, if the mind cannot go beyond the limited worldly thinking and belief in the mind that influence how the mind perceives/reacts/judges/expects towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses, where the mind is unwittingly drowning in the state of restlessness/greed/ambitiousness/dissatisfaction/disappointment/hurts/unhappiness/sorrow/hostility/fear/suffering.

There’s nothing wrong when the mind thinks and feels angry/hurt/sad/dissatisfied/unhappy when the mind perceives/experiences something that the mind thinks and believes as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’ and ‘negative’. Just that this mind is not free. There’s no peace.

The mind will not be free from being disturbed by the mind perception of names and forms/what the mind comes in contact with/experiences, until the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, and sees the truth as it is.

How to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

Many people experience hurtful feeling or ‘heartbroken’ derived from love relationship that is not the way that they like/expect it to be, or it didn’t have a happy ever after ending. In the beginning it was all good and happy, but after some time, something changed, it’s not the same as before, and it turns sour and bitter, and then completely broken. It’s quite painful/hurtful/sorrowful.

Some people would like to know how yoga can help them to be ‘healed’ from hurts, or how to be free from getting hurt in love relationship, or how to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

The yogic way to be free from all suffering is through understanding/knowing the truth of suffering. It’s not about ‘healing’ as many would think what it is. All suffering derived from ignorance and egoism. Once ignorance and egoism is annihilated, there’s nothing or none needs to be ‘healed’.

Some people had tried to let go after they learned about the teachings of yoga about letting go, but they found that it’s very difficult or impossible to let go. This is because they don’t have the correct understanding of what is going on in the mind. Upon understanding what is going on in the mind (all the impermanent selfless modification and changes in the mind and the real cause of pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness), all the pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness ceased existing, there’s needless to let go anything.

It’s not an obligation or compulsory duty as a human being to must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life ‘happily’ or ‘normally’.

One doesn’t need to possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily as one is, if the mind is free from being conditioned by worldly/cultural thinking and belief. It’s merely part of the worldly/cultural thinking and belief that many people think and believe that everyone must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily and meaningfully. Most people’s values of life, self-worth, success, confidence, happiness and the senses of meaningfulness are very much being determined by having one or many (good) love relationship/friendship, which is unnecessary at all if one’s mind is free from ignorance and egoism. If people don’t have any love relationship/friendship or they have bad/unhappy/broken love relationship/friendship, they would think and feel bad, unworthy, low confident, failing, depressed, or meaningless about themselves and their life. This is truly unnecessary. One can be friendly to all beings without the need of possessing one or many (good) ‘committed love relationship’ or ‘friendship’, and still be happy as one is.

If we really want to be in a love relationship, we must first learn how to respect everyone and love everyone as they are.

When we feel unhappy/dissatisfied/disappointed/angry/hurt in a love relationship, ask ourselves this, “Do we love them as they are? Are we being possessive towards the people in a relationship with us and have expectation towards everyone about how they should behave or feel?”

Even if we dislike and disagree with this, everyone has the freedom to behave or feel the way that they (want to) behave and feel, even if they are being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody. No one is obliged to respect ‘commitment in a relationship’. True relationship where two parties truly love each other and want to stay together out of their own freewill, doesn’t have ‘commitment’ to be respected. Even after being in a relationship, people have the freedom of how they feel and what they want, whether they want to love someone, or stop loving someone, or don’t want to love someone, or they changed from being loving/caring to unloving/uncaring, or they want to stay in a relationship or end a relationship, or they merely want to be single again even though they still love the person in the relationship with them, or they want to be with someone else, or they couldn’t help themselves being selfish/abusive, or they are suffering from depression/emotional problem/behavior problem/greed/dissatisfaction/lustful desire, and etc.

Meanwhile, we also have the freedom and rights for how we want to feel (whether okay or not okay) and what we want to do with the relationship, to decide whether to let go or continue the ‘broken’ relationship depending on what is best for everyone, especially when it includes children. There’s neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad in any decision made. If we truly know what we want and don’t want, and what is best for everyone, there’s no difficulty in making decision and there’s no guilt or regret in any decision made. Such like, ending a ‘violent/abusive’ relationship is better for oneself and the children, without hurtful/revengeful/fearful feelings due to compassion and understanding in oneself, being compassionate towards the person in the relationship with us is suffering from mental/emotional/behavior problem.

Find out the truth of our feelings of love towards the person in the relationship with us.

Do we really love the person in the relationship with us, or we only love what we like and want from being in the relationship with someone? When ‘we’ feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt in a ‘broken’ relationship, it’s really nothing to do with how the people in a relationship with us behave in the relationship, whether they didn’t treat us nicely or they treat us badly, or how they want to feel, whether they feel love or don’t feel love for us, or what is their decision/desire, whether to continue staying in or ending the relationship with us. When we feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt, it’s because ‘I don’t like/want/agree with this’ – Things are not being the way that we want it to be, or the relationship is not going to the direction that we want it to be.

If we truly know what is love, self love, unconditional love and what is relationship, then how we feel won’t be determined by how other people behave or feel towards us and whether the relationship is perfect or imperfect. We would love and accept them as they are, even if they don’t love us, or don’t want to love us, or don’t want to be in a relationship with us, or want to love someone else, or want to be in a relationship with someone else. We don’t and shouldn’t agree with or support or encourage any ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment or behavior from anyone, but at the same time, we don’t have to be influenced or determined by other people’s ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment and behavior. We won’t do or say things that would hurt them or those whom they love. We also won’t hurt ourselves in order to hurt them or make them feel bad/guilty/disturbed. We would wish everyone (whom we love or don’t love) peace and happiness whether they love us/be nice to us, or not.

Understand/Inquire the root cause of hurtful feeling in love relationship.

All hurtful feelings derived from ungratified desire of craving and aversion in our own mind (not getting what we like and want and getting what we don’t like and don’t want, and losing what we like and want), it’s not caused by bad relationship/bad life experience of bad people/partner/spouse/lover and their wrong doings or bad behavior. It’s how the mind reacts towards what it experiences or perceives that it doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with. It’s the responsibility of the mind itself whether to be disturbed or be undisturbed by all the unpleasant/challenging experiences.

If we truly love the person in the love relationship with us, we won’t feel hurt even if they don’t love us, or stop loving us, or love someone else.

Most minds/human beings are not perfect, full of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

We would understand that due to ignorance and egoism, people would behave selfishly and irrationally, and be unloving towards the people in a relationship with them, regardless whether they think they love or don’t love the person in the relationship with them. People would do and say things that would cause physical/mental/emotional pain, even when they think they love the person in the relationship with them, not to say especially when they don’t really love the person in the relationship with them. We are hurting ourselves if we expect everyone to be perfectly ‘good’ and ‘loving’ the way that we think it should be, the way that we want them to be.

Respecting the law of impermanence.

The nature of minds/feelings/relationship/togetherness is impermanence, forever changing.

Everyone has the freedom and rights to love or not to love someone, or stop loving someone whom they used to love. Feelings will change. What we want in life will change. Life will change. Condition and situation will change. There’s nothing wrong with feelings changing from time to time. Most minds/human beings are not free from ignorance and egoism and are identifying strongly/passionately with fleeting feelings as ‘who they are’, their relationship with everyone and life existence are very much being influenced and determined by those fleeting feelings.

We would let go this relationship and the person in the relationship with us, in peace, if this relationship doesn’t work, even when two people still love each other, but couldn’t continue the relationship for some good reasons, not to say when one person in the relationship doesn’t feel love for the other person and doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or prefer to love someone else and be with someone else.

We will wish the person in the relationship with us and the people whom they love/cherish peace and happiness. Ourselves would also have peace and happiness being free from anger, hatred, jealousy, regret, guilt, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurts.

There is nothing wrong and it’s okay and we have the freedom and rights to feel angry, disappointed and hurt, but we don’t have to, if we understand.

If we feel angry, disappointed and hurt in a broken love relationship (when the relationship turns into something that we don’t like and don’t want, or the person in the relationship with us doesn’t behave or feel the way that we expect/would like them to behave or feel,) it’s because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don’t really love them. We don’t even love ourselves. We only love what we like and want of what we experience/get from being in the love relationship the way that we like and want it to be.

We are the one who is selfish, as we have expectation towards how the relationship should be like and how the person in the relationship with us should feel or behave, or how they should treat us in the way that we like and want. And when we don’t get what we like and want, and are getting what we don’t like and don’t want, or we are losing what we like and want towards the relationship and the love from the person in the relationship with us, we (the egoistic mind) feel betrayed, ill-treated, angry, jealous, dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt.

Who is feeling hurt?

It’s the ego, or the identification of ‘I’ who feels hurt by the perception of hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

If the mind is free from ignorance (knowing the truth of suffering) and egoism (free from the idea of ‘I’, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation), this mind won’t perceive hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences and react with hurtful feelings. This mind won’t be/feel hurt by anything, even if the perceptions of names and forms or life experiences are very unpleasant and challenging, when everything is not the way that we would like it to be.

Realize selflessness, the truth of ‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’.

‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’ doesn’t exist upon the realization of the truth. There’s no ‘I’ existing. There’s no one existing to be hurt, or experiencing hurt, or feeling hurt. There’s no one needs to be healed from hurt. All experiences are just what they are, neither hurtful nor not hurtful, upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. If anyone still feels hurt by something being perceived as ‘hurtful’, and believes that ‘I’ need to be healed from hurt, it’s due to ignorance and egoism.

Realize non-separateness or oneness of unconditional love.

One doesn’t need to rely/depend on receiving love/relationship/friendship/companionship/acknowledgement from anyone (not even ‘God’) to feel loved/confident/complete/satisfied/meaningful, if one realized non-separateness/oneness of unconditional love, without discrimination of self and not-self/others, conditions, possessiveness, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison, or expectation. There’s no unhappiness, anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurt. It doesn’t matter we have or don’t have any love relationship, and whether the love relationship turns out well or not well. One is still happy and peaceful as one is.

If we don’t know what is love or how to love, we will only end up unwittingly and ceaselessly hurting ourselves and those whom we think we love very much, especially those in a relationship with us. It’s because we don’t love ourselves and we don’t love those whom we think we love. We don’t love anyone, not even ‘God’, we only love the desires of what we like and want.

Be free.

We’ll keep hurting everyone if we still don’t understand

When we were young, we behaved in the way that hurt our parents, because we didn’t understand.

When we started a relationship, we behaved in the way that hurt the person in the relationship with us, because we didn’t understand.

When we started a family with children, we behaved in the way that hurt our children, because we didn’t understand.

When we live among the society and move around in the world, we behave in the way that hurt others in the society in the world, because we didn’t understand.

Above all, we constantly behaved in the way that hurt ourselves, because we didn’t understand.

Wittingly or unwittingly, we constantly hurt ourselves and others, regardless those whom we thought we love or hate, out of pride, self-identity, self-image, worldly ambitions, spiritual ambitions, desires of craving and aversion, likes and dislikes, disagreement, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, frustration, agitation, depression, grief, passionate love, lust, hurt, animosity, insecurity, doubt, discrimination, expectation, impatience, intolerance, humiliation, non-accommodating, ill-will, fear and worry, and etc.

If we still don’t understand, we will continue to hurt ourselves and everyone whom directly or indirectly coming in contact with us and the consequences of our ignorant selfish behavior, until the last breath of this life existence.

Accumulating all kinds of worldly knowledge in the world that allows us to be knowledgeable and skillful to be doing something in life and enhancing the quality of life, or creating/inventing something with higher technologies that is ecological or environmental friendly, also doesn’t guarantee that the mind is free from all these ignorance, egoism and impurities.

One naturally stops hurting oneself and other(s) upon the realization of purity (free from impurities), wisdom (free from ignorance), selflessness (free from egoism) and compassion (dispassionate unconditional love), regardless how much and what type of worldly knowledge one has been accumulating, good and bad condition of the world, pleasant and unpleasant life experiences, easy or difficult life condition, good and bad condition of the physical body, all kinds of mind perception of names and forms, achievements and non-achievements, and so on.