Video – My daily asana practice 2020 calmness | yoga practice for the mind | speed up version

This is part of my daily asana practice.

Through prolonged period of persistent regular self-practice in solitude without attachment, identification or expectation, without straining the body or without forcing the body beyond its limitation, with the correct understanding and attitude while performing the yoga asana practice that might be different in each practice according to the present condition of the physical body and the state of the mind, allowing the practice and the fruit of practice being what it is, until the body and the mind developed the effortless physical and mental endurance and adaptability, turning the outgoing mind inward living in the present dispassionately free from the desire of craving and aversion, being undetermined by all the different quality of names and forms of impermanent life experiences and conditions, naturally, the practice will become effortless, and the mind will be rendered calm and quiet selflessly and intentionlessly. It’s not about the ability, the performance and the benefit of doing the different yoga asana poses or movements. It’s letting go the ego and egoism. All is impermanent.

Wishing everyone peace during this time being.

Video – My daily asana practice 2020 calmness – yoga practice for the mind

This is part of my daily asana practice.

Through prolonged period of persistent regular self-practice in solitude without attachment, identification or expectation, without straining the body or without forcing the body beyond its limitation, with the correct understanding and attitude while performing the yoga asana practice that might be different in each practice according to the present condition of the physical body and the state of the mind, allowing the practice and the fruit of practice being what it is, until the body and the mind developed the effortless physical and mental endurance and adaptability, turning the outgoing mind inward living in the present dispassionately free from the desire of craving and aversion, being undetermined by all the different quality of names and forms of impermanent life experiences and conditions, naturally, the practice will become effortless, and the mind will be rendered calm and quiet selflessly and intentionlessly. It’s not about the ability, the performance and the benefit of doing the different yoga asana poses or movements. It’s letting go the ego and egoism. All is impermanent.

Wishing everyone peace during this time being.

Respect as in yoga practice

Many people would relate the word ‘respect’ with respecting our elders, our teachers, our culture, our ancestor, our origin, our leader, our country’s law of rules and regulations, the heroes, ‘God’, ‘gods’, or what the mind thinks and believes as respectable/honourable or respect/honour deserving. While different minds have different idea towards what is respectable/honourable and what is disrespectable or humiliation deserving, based on their own particular thinking and belief under the influence of particular cultural, social, national, gender, racial, religious, spiritual, political, or philosophical background.

Most minds feel offended and angered by others who don’t show the similar ‘respect’ towards what they think and believe as ‘respectable’, that they respect very much.

Many people grew up being told by our elders, parents and teachers that we need to be ‘good’ and ‘successful’ enough to attain certain ‘status’ or ‘credits’ to earn ‘respect’ from others. Some people even grew up being told that they were born with the special status of ‘respect/honour deserving’ due to their particular origin/family/racial/social/financial/religious/political background.

In yoga, it’s not about respecting what the mind thinks and believes what is respectable/honourable or respect/honour deserving, while disrespecting or humiliating what the mind thinks and believes as disrespectable or humiliation deserving.

It’s about respecting the truth of things as it is, not necessarily the way that we think and believe how it should be.

Respecting the perceived reality being what it is, not necessarily pleasant, agreeable, or desirable.

Respecting the law of nature of impermanence and selflessness.

Respecting all the different names and forms being what they are, being different from one another, having different thinking, belief, values, practice, way of life, way of doing things, understanding, misunderstanding, desires, action and reaction, and etc.

Respecting the world as it is, not necessarily the way that the mind would like it to be, or the way that the mind thinks and believes how it should be.

Be free from clinging, craving and longing.

Cultivating dispassion, abandoning passion.

Cultivating clearing and silencing the modification of the mind, renouncing worldly passionate egoistic desire, affair, activity and relationship.

Appreciation without egoistic passionate attachment or clinging towards (falling in love with) what the mind perceives as pleasant, good, right, positive, meaningful, lovable, agreeable, desirable, or enjoyable.

Respecting all beings as they are, even if the mind thinks and believes that they have many imperfections and the mind dislikes and disagrees with them. Need not disrespect, humiliate or despise anyone based on the dislike and disagreement of one’s mind.

Renouncing the ego and egoism is the greatest ‘respect’ in the world of impermanent and selfless life existence. Buddha or Guru didn’t need anyone to show ‘respect’ of certain names and forms to them, but surrendering the ego and egoism is the selfless intentionless respect towards Buddha or Guru and any kind of teacher.

Teaching yoga?

Teaching yoga, is never ‘my intention’ or ‘my aspiration’. It’s allowing life being what it is. In this moment, life is here, and if some people want to learn yoga, and somehow, they want to come to us to learn about yoga, and so, that is what I am doing. Doing my best to organize a time and space to allow the teaching and practice to be happening. If nobody comes looking for us, I live life as it is.

In this present time, there might be some challenges and difficulties that all beings have to go through reluctantly, not just within a relationship, a family, a community, a country, or a continent, but also globally. Some minds might be lost in certain ‘chaos’/’fear’/’panic’/’unrest’/’uncertainty’/’disappointment’, while some minds are busy dealing with all kinds of ‘problem’ bravely and calmly, but yet, this is also the time where certain minds would be ignited to learn and practice yoga seriously, to give oneself some time to look after one’s mind, to put aside all the worldly affairs, to turn the mind inward, to transcend the impermanent life existence of a selfless body and restless modification of the mind, to free the mind from ignorance and egoism, to realize unconditional peace.

Many people would think and say that they love yoga and are doing certain brand and style of yoga practice regularly, and yet, most minds don’t really want to learn yoga or practice yoga. Many people want to know what type of physical/mental/emotional/spiritual benefits that they will be getting from performing such and such brand and style of yoga practice. Even many of the yoga schools and yoga teachers are promoting mostly about “What benefits/advantages people can get from attending their brand and style of yoga courses or yoga classes.” Even though there’s nothing wrong with such ‘inspiration’/’encouragement’ to attract more people to be learning and practicing yoga, but yoga practice is not about performing certain actions and expecting certain result/fruit of the actions in return, but it’s renouncing the result/fruit of actions.

Many yoga teachers think that they love teaching yoga as it makes them feel good and meaningful, but they aren’t really practicing yoga. Those who truly practice yoga, there’s no identification, attachment or craving towards the sense of goodness and meaningfulness.

Many minds interested in joining particular ‘yoga community’ wearing particular brand of ‘yoga clothing’ doing particular style/brand of yoga asana/breathing/concentration/relaxation/mindfulness/healing exercises/practices on particular brand of ‘eco friendly’/’organic’/’high-tech material’/’printed with precise alignment for positioning the hands and feet for the yoga poses’ type of ‘yoga mat’ with particular ‘yoga accessories’ and ‘yoga props’, as well as adopting a particular trend of ‘clean eating’ and ‘yogi look’ that would make the body and mind looking and feeling yogic, good, strong, healthy, righteous, spiritual and meaningful.

Most minds also interested in having resolution/affirmation/aspiration/intention/expectation and desire of ‘achieving certain goals from performing the yoga practice’, longing to be inspired and empowered, to be acknowledged by oneself and others as “I am part of the ‘yogic’, ‘good’, ‘strong’, ‘healthy’, ‘righteous’, ‘spiritual’, or ‘meaningful’ beings.”

Minds constantly feel hurt and offended by “What I and my community/my culture/my religion/my spirituality believe as bad, wrong, negative, hurtful or don’t deserving” or “What I don’t like, don’t agree with and don’t want.”

Minds constantly longing for ‘good/pleasant condition’, ‘love’, ‘kindness’, ’empathy’, ‘understanding’, ‘appreciation’, ‘acknowledgement’, ‘recognition’, ‘healing from hurts’ and ‘agreeable/desirable/pleasant treatments/interactions/reactions’.

The absence of ‘good/pleasant condition’, ‘love’, ‘kindness’, ’empathy’, ‘understanding’, ‘appreciation’, ‘acknowledgement’, ‘recognition’, ‘healing from hurts’ and ‘agreeable/desirable/pleasant treatments/interactions/reactions’, is terrible, bad, wrong, negative and suffering.

Dispassion? Silence? Solitude? Seclusion? Renunciation? Selflessness? Desirelessness? Non-attachment? Non-identification? Non-craving/aversion? Non-expectation? Intentionlessness? Namelessness/formlessness? Attributelessness? Beyond right and wrong? Neither positive nor negative? Beyond actions and the fruit of actions? Annihilation of the modification of mind? For many yoga enthusiasts, “This is not the yoga that I know and not the yoga practice that I want to practice. All these teachings/practices sound so wrong.”

Many minds might be interested in attending yoga classes/retreats/workshops/courses, or even have ‘good’ intention/aspiration to be teaching yoga to others, and are interested in the practice of calmness/relaxation/concentration/mindfulness that would give momentary good feelings/pleasant sensations to the body and mind, but not many are interested in practicing yoga of renouncing the world, of dispassion, silence, solitude and seclusion, to silent and annihilate the restless egoistic passionate modification of the mind.

Meanwhile, the untrained mind thinks and believes that life existence needs to be occupied and stimulated by all kinds of worldly relationship/social/cultural/religious/spiritual/political/commercial affair and activity, busy with mingling, socializing, interacting, aspiring, inspiring, empowering, planning, scheming, plotting, creating, multiplying, accumulating, gathering, hoarding, defending, fighting, intruding, judging, comparing, discriminating, commenting, praising, complimenting, criticizing, condemning, agreeing, disagreeing, celebrating, mourning, and so on. Or else, life is boring, dulled, empty and meaningless.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s what worldly passionate minds do. That’s what minds think and believe that all human beings should be doing, to live life passionately, to be contributing to the society or to be caring for the world, to attain the sense of existence, prosperity, achievement, goodness, righteousness and meaningfulness.

Everyone has their freedom to think, to believe, to feel, to act and react, to desire and don’t desire, to live life as they are.

There’s always something going on here and there, from time to time, in life, or in the world that we are living in, of the mind perception of a worldly life existence. If the mind knows what is non-attachment, this mind is peaceful as it is, regardless of perceiving pleasantness/unpleasantness deriving from desirable/undesirable names and forms/conditions/situations/experiences. If the mind is interested in performing yoga practice that would help to develop awareness, mindfulness, calmness, relaxation, or concentration, but not knowing what is non-attachment, then this mind will always feel disturbed and hurt by what the egoistic mind perceives and judges as ‘bad’, ‘wrong’, ‘negative’, ‘terrible’, ‘undeserving’, ‘painful sorrow’, or ‘suffering’.

For example, most minds have the egoistic habit of complaining about many things that they think and believe as disappointing and frustrating, and would complain about “I would like to be able to practice concentration, and be able to concentrate without struggle, but it’s so disappointing and frustrating because I just can’t concentrate.” The ‘problem’ is not about the mind cannot concentrate due to any reasons, but there’s egoistic attachment, identification, judgment and expectation where the mind reacts towards the state of the mind not being the way that it would like it to be, or the way that the ego expects it to be. The state of the mind is just what it is. It’s impermanent and selfless (not ‘I’). The well-trained mind can be aware of all the selfless impermanent changes as they are, regardless of the state of concentrating or scattering, but without reacting with disappointment or frustration towards the state of the mind is not being in certain way (that the thinking egoistic assertive mind would like it to be).

It is the aversion towards what the mind perceives and judges as ‘bad’, ‘wrong’, ‘negative’, ‘terrible’, ‘undeserving’, ‘painful sorrow’, or ‘suffering’, that is why the mind reacts and feels disappointed, frustrated, disturbed and hurt. The world is just what it is – the consequences of ignorance and egoism. Someone/something is ‘hurting’ someone, and someone feels being ‘hurt’ by someone/something, are the consequences of ignorance. Free from ignorance, there’s no ‘I’ being hurt by anyone or anything. There’s no ‘I’ that needs to be healed from hurt.

Similarly when the egoistic mind wants to ‘control’ the state of the mind being in certain way, and reacts with disappointment and frustration when the state of the mind is not being the way that it desires it to be, the mind also wants to ‘control’ the world (the names and forms that it perceives through the senses) being in certain way, and reacts with disappointment and frustration when the world is not being the way that it desires it to be.

Great advice from the Gurus/teachers in the past – Stay away from the worldly affairs particularly politics.

In yoga, realizing unconditional peace and being at peace as it is, being free from ignorance, egoism and impurities, being free from anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, offensiveness, defensiveness, painful sorrow, fear and worry, while living in the world of impermanent names and forms powered by cause and effect, transcending the impermanent quality of names and forms, of the impermanent selfless function and existence of the body and mind, birth and death, success and failure, pleasantness and unpleasantness, enjoyment and suffering, praise and condemn, and so on, is indeed the highest contribution to the world or humanity.

The stronger the ego is, the greater the passionate desires/ambitions/aspirations are. For those who want to practice yoga, it’s about annihilating the ego, free the mind from passionate desires/ambitions/aspirations to create a world that ‘I’ think how it should be, and go beyond what the mind thinks and believes how things should and shouldn’t be, without controlling the world to be in certain way, without expecting the world to be in certain way, respecting the world being what it is, respecting the law of nature (impermanence and selflessness), not necessarily the way that ‘I’ think how it should be, not necessarily the way that ‘I’ desire/expect/aspire it to be, is indeed promoting peace and harmony into the world of diversity.

Those who don’t want to practice yoga, they don’t have to practice yoga of dispassion and desireless. They are free to be ambitious/aspirational to change the world to be the way that they think how it should be, to create a world that they desire it to be, just know that there are many others who also desire a world differently from one another.

Just like some desire to paint the world blue, some prefer painting it yellow, while some prefer painting it green, and some prefer painting it with combination of many different colours. And hence, everyone is fighting against each other to be in power to paint the world with the colour that they desire. There will be more peace and harmony in the world of diversity, of different names and forms, of different thinking and belief, if nobody desires to paint the world with any particular colour that they prefer, and allowing the world being what it is. All kinds of conflict/discrimination/prejudice/hatred/unrest begin with ‘desires’/’ambitions’/’aspirations’ – “I want the world to be like this and not like that.” even if the mind thinks and believes it’s the best for everyone. And all minds under the influence of different thinking and belief would think and believe that their particular thinking and belief are the best for everyone.

Be free.

My life stories – Part 12 (A new beginning)

My life Stories – Part 12
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

After more than 10 years living and running yoga retreats in Langkawi, we left Langkawi for good early this month. And so, here we are, starting a new chapter of life living on another island in Malaysia.

Now that we have left Langkawi, I would like to summarize some of our experiences in Langkawi as part of my life stories.

We are thankful to the nature of Langkawi which is the main reason we had been living there for a decade, even though there were some ‘difficulties’ that we had to deal with for living and running yoga retreats legally in Langkawi, that we didn’t really talk about in the past. We weren’t denying the unpleasant experiences that we encountered in Langkawi. We acknowledged all kinds of difficulty that we had to deal with, and lived with them, but we tried to focus more on promoting the beauty of Langkawi when we were living and running yoga retreats there. Initially, we thought of living in Langkawi for as long as possible, as we love the slow pace of living that is still available in Langkawi, but the time has come for us to let it go and be at somewhere else.

One of the reasons that made me decide to leave Langkawi, is that my dear father and big brother who had went through many difficulties and hardships in life, who were the very few loving kind-hearted and down to earth human beings in my life had passed away respectively over the last two years. My father passed away on the 30th of December, 2017, while my big brother who had been looking after our paralyzed father for many years, passed away on the 30th of June, 2019. They had suffered a lot their entire life even though they took things lightheartedly and smiled through all the hardships. I respect their resilience a lot. My family was my motivation to work hard making a living to support their life. Now that my parents and my big brother were gone, I don’t need to work so hard anymore. This body is not getting any younger as well.

Although I myself had also been through many hardships, I can choose to live life differently from my family. I chose to live a life that has more wise impact. Life doesn’t need to be wasted in deliberately dealing with ignorance and the consequences of ignorance in the world. Yoga practice talks about endurance or forbearance towards difficulties, but it doesn’t mean that we should be wasting life and energy dealing with the ignorance and the consequences of ignorance in the world. We can choose to be in an environment that has more wise impact, if possible. If that’s not possible, it’s okay. We accept the reality as it is, and live with it.

Living in a different environment on another island also has certain ‘unpleasantness’ or ‘difficulties’ that we need to deal with. Life and yoga practice isn’t about expecting perfection and avoiding imperfection, but it’s about no matter where we are, we learn to allow the world to be what it is, not necessarily the way that we would like it to be.

On Langkawi, the blooming development for tourism might be benefiting many of the plumbers, electricians and metal smiths in Langkawi, but that also means that there’s very limited plumber or electrician or metal smith would come to our house to do a little bit of work. Even though more and more new guesthouses and hotels have been building in Langkawi which provide jobs and business for the hardware shop, the construction company, the construction workers, the plumbers, the electricians or the metal smiths, but there are also more and more existing guesthouses and restaurants couldn’t survive due to the reduced tourists flow in the past few years.

It’s really difficult to find someone skillful enough to do something for us in Langkawi. And when we were able to find someone to do things for us, they couldn’t deliver a good quality of workmanship or service. We couldn’t even get a tailor to make a curtain for us. Once a tailor took our order and our cloth for making curtain, and then she went disappear along with our cloth, couldn’t be contacted for many years until now. We heard that some rich expatriates on the island import all their building materials and skillful workers from other countries to build their houses that live up to the European standard.

Once a dishonest air-conditioner installer recommended by a ‘friend’ cheated us by installing a one horse power air-conditioner claiming that it’s a two horse power air-conditioner that we had requested. It’s our own responsibility for trusting our ‘friend’ and his recommendation, and we didn’t know much about air-conditioning. And then the newly installed air-conditioner had problem, we tried to contact him for months also couldn’t get in touch with him. And so, we went to our ‘friend’ who recommended him, then only we found out that he had cheated us and were avoiding us deliberately. And it’s pointless to bring this issue to the police, which I will explain later.

After that this ‘friend’ recommended another air-conditioner mechanic to us, and he came once to fix a problem of the air-conditioner, but after that he was too busy to come to do even just a normal routine chemical service. And finally, we got another company from Kuah to service the air-conditioners, but with higher price than usual as they were reluctant to come to our place in the beginning saying that it’s too far for them to come.

Another very important reason is that my husband would like to live a healthy lifestyle, cooking and eating healthy vegetarian food, swimming and enjoying some outdoor time and space outside the house, he couldn’t do so while we were living in Langkawi. One time he got serious sun burnt (for doing some painting under the shade at the car porch) and needed to be treated in the hospital.

We had moved and lived in three different houses within the last ten and a half year in Langkawi. When we spent some time outside the house, we either suffered from heat-stroke, sun burnt, hornet stung, or poisonous ants and mosquitoes bite. There were countless insects, leeches, rats, poisonous centipedes, snakes, monitor lizards and scorpions coming into the house through gaps and holes of the door, windows and ceiling, or coming in through the drains, where we needed to keep doors closed all the time and putting a brick on top the cover of the drain so that rats, monitor lizards and snakes couldn’t come in from there.

Most of the non-sliding windows in the house were unable to be opened as they were blocked by the mosquito netting, while the entire house was having very low ceiling and non-insulated wall, where constant heat was accumulated in the house throughout the day even when the sliding windows that we replaced some of the non-sliding windows were opened and with the fans switched-on. We reluctantly needed to use the air-conditioner all day and night if we were in the house, or else, we would be suffering from heat-stroke and overly sweating and wouldn’t have a proper rest/sleep. The house was like an oven. It built up heat due to the poor structure. We had a thermometer in the house, and if without the air-conditioner switched-on, the temperature could go up above 35 degrees Celsius, even when the outside temperature was actually a lot lower. And if we were cooking, the temperature went up even higher. The room that was less hot in the house was the yoga hall, as the ceiling there is slightly higher, and we had the sliding windows installed that can be opened. Still, we needed to use the air-conditioner during the yoga sessions in the afternoon, as it would be too hot.

There were rats living on the ceiling and snakes living in the post box, in the gap of the ceiling and under the rubbish bin. In the first wooden house, we had to put rat trap onto the ceiling everyday, and every time when we caught one, we would bring it out in the car and release it into the bushes about a few km away from the house. But, this process never had an end as there were so many rats around our neighbourhood. There were a group of scorpions living outside the back of the wooden house, and hence we didn’t go to that area unless we had to.

There were tiny insects coming into the house if we didn’t have the outside lights turned-on but with the inside lights switched-on at night. I had to ‘get rid of’ so many insects and poisonous centipedes everyday in order to be able to live in the house, and to ensure a clean and safe practice environment for our retreat guests. My work of constantly cleaning the entire place was ceaseless. We had to ask the cooperation from the guests to keep the place as clean as possible to avoid attracting insects, particularly ants or mosquitoes, into the yoga hall. As once the ants found food in the yoga hall, they will return with many others, and also making their nest somewhere in the house, and it would be more difficult to keep them out.

Being bitten by poisonous ants and hornets is no fun at all. We both, especially my husband, had been bitten by ants and hornets numerous times while working in the garden. I have a few scars on my skin were from the ants bite. And we gave up, in the end. We also told the retreat guests not to hang around at the garden in the last two years, as there were too many ants and hornets that give nasty bites, or even allergic reaction that could lead to death in certain people. My husband had been admitted to the hospital a few times due the nasty hornet stung, where his body reacted badly to the hornet stung. This house was also no longer suitable for running the retreats, if our guests would be attacked by ants and hornets.

There were also too many house lizards in the house that generate huge amount of ‘shits’ everyday, where I needed to clean up everyday, and sometimes, a few times a day especially when we had the retreats going on. And then there was constant sand mining activity in this area that generates so much dust around the house.

Though the sea is very close to us, only about 5 minutes drive away from our house/yoga studio, and we loved to be on the beach, while my husband would love to swim in the sea, but we never wanted to get into the sea for two reasons. One is that there are too many jelly fish, some of them are extremely poisonous, already with several death cases in the past due to jelly fish stung. My husband nearly lost his life being stung by jelly fish while swimming in the sea of Pantai Cenang not long after we moved to Langkawi from Kuala Lumpur. He had stopped breathing when we arrived in the hospital and the medical people performed CPR on him immediately and gave him injections to be able to breathe again. He was suffering from extreme pain throughout the body for the next few weeks, and wasn’t fully recover until more than one year later. Another reason, is that the sea here is highly contaminated/polluted by the drainage and sewage system in that area (Pantai Cenang). Even the dolphins and turtles that used to come close to the seashore also had stopped coming here many years ago. For those reasons, my husband wouldn’t swim in the sea ever again even though it’s conveniently close by. More than a year ago, he started swimming at the pool in one of the big hotel not too far from our house, but the quality of the pool water wasn’t great, and half a year ago, this hotel had stopped operating. Then my husband found another hotel that allowed him to swim at their pool, again he only went for a few months and then stopped going, as the pool water was in a terrible condition.

We were paying tourist’s price for almost everything due to it’s a touristy island. Langkawi depends solely on tourism and almost everything are imported from the main land of Malaysia, or from the neighbouring countries, or even from countries far away. Most of the imported produce are catering for meeting the demand of tourism, and yet, many things are either non-available, or shortage of supply, or commonly out of stock for many weeks/months, or having higher price tags due to shortage of supply on the island. Food like chickpeas, sesame seeds, certain brand of muesli, certain brand of jams, cheese (though there are very limited choices of cheese/jams/muesli here) and eggs are often out of stock for some time (from a few days to a few months). Once we couldn’t get sesame seeds for two months and muesli was out of stock for half a year, and there’s no Parmesan cheese for the last few months. While the big hotels and the many restaurants that cater for tourists might have the priority to be getting their supplies adequately.

The things that are very cheap in Langkawi are the duty-free goods such as chocolates, sweets, alcohols and cigarettes, which we don’t consume. The imported cars, dining and kitchen wares are duty-free as well, but how many cars, dining and kitchen wares that we actually need? Before GRAB exists in Langkawi, taxis are the only public transport available on the island and the fare is even more expensive than in Kuala Lumpur. As residence of Langkawi, we were paying the same taxi fare as the tourists.

Whenever we needed to see a dentist, we had to travel to Penang or Kuala Lumpur, as the only dentist that we knew in Langkawi was incompetent, where my husband’s teeth and gums were seriously damaged by the dentist after one visit. From then, we would go to Penang or Kuala Lumpur for dental works. We also took the opportunity to do some shopping for things that we couldn’t get in Langkawi during our trips to Penang or Kuala Lumpur.

Other ‘problems’ such as neighbouring cats constantly coming into the garden and the terrace leaving behind dead animals/birds, shit/pee, fur and fleas. Unfortunately, when we asked the cooperation from the retreat guests to not feed or stroke the cats to not encourage them to keep coming to the terrace, some of the cats lover weren’t happy about that. We loved to have cows and buffaloes hanging around the paddy field, but they would break the fence from time to time trying to eat the grass from within the garden. We love animals and certainly we don’t hate animals, but they gave us too much work to deal with, unintentionally.

The entire family members of the house opposite us was well-known for drug intoxication, house breaking-in and stealing. We didn’t know about it until after our house was broken in, as if we had knew before we rented this house, we would look for some other houses. Again, it’s our own responsibility for not investigating more detailed about the surrounding neighbourhood. And of course, in order to rent out their houses successfully, the landlord wouldn’t mention anything about all houses here were being broken into countless times in the past. But anyway, it doesn’t matter which area in Langkawi, most houses had been broken into at least once before.

Langkawi had the highest record of drug addicts in Malaysia. Someone who had been living in this village for many years in the past told us that almost the entire villagers of all ages are all drug addicts. And due to drugs problems, house break-in is so common in Langkawi. While I was filing police report AGAIN for another house broken-in, the police said to me, “We know them. They are our neighbours and relatives. If we have proof and we will catch them. We will bring them to court, and it depends on the judge whether giving them warning and releasing them immediately, or sending them to prison for a few days or few weeks. And after a few days/weeks lock-up in the prison they are all out again, and will continue doing what they love to do. This process will continue to go on.”

Even children in the primary school are already smoking cigarette and maybe some other ‘stuff’ and are involving with many ‘illegal’ activities. We heard story about some drug dealers would give free sample of ‘sweets’ to the children outside the school to get them hook on it, and then these children would buy ‘sweets’ from them and/or become one of their runners.

One of our friend’s house was broken into four times within a month, and one time, the thief ‘carelessly’ left behind his Identity Card. When they brought the Identity Card to the police and told them, “This is the person who broke-into our house and stole our stuff.” The police took the Identity Card from him and said, “Ah! This is my relative. I will give this I.C. back to him. Thank you for returning the I.C.” This is why it’s pointless to go to the police.

In the beginning, after we moved to Langkawi living in the wooden house close to Pantai Cenang, we were so naive that we didn’t think of locking the gate at all. One day when we came back from the outside, the gate was wide opened and there were cigarette butts left on the terrace. Then we knew that Langkawi people are so ‘friendly’ that they would come into your house without invitation if your door are not closed or locked. And so, to avoid ‘uninvited guests’ we started to lock the gate. Not so much to keep people away as they can climb in easily if they want, but to keep cows and buffaloes away as they would damage all the plants in our garden. In less than a year, the wooden house was broken-into when we were away, even with the gate locked. When our friends from Europe came for holiday and stayed at the Airbnb house in the same village, their wallets were stolen when he was in the shower. He even saw the guy running away and he tried to run after him but lost him in the end.

Later we rented another house about 2 minutes walk away from the wooden house, where we used the wooden house only for the yoga sessions and the other house for living and cooking meals for the retreats. We needed to spend a few thousands Ringgit on this house to redo the flooring and the wiring before we could actually live in that house. And the old landlord of this house would walk around our house in the middle of the night with a ‘Parang’ knife, not so much about being a security guard for us and keeping ‘uninvited guests’ away, but it’s to check on us every night whether we had ‘invited guests’ staying with us, and whether we did anything that he didn’t want us to do in his house, or not. As we were told that we were not allowed to have any other ‘guests’ staying with us, that we couldn’t have non-halal food and drink or activity in the house. One night, he actually knocked on our door holding the ‘Parang’ wanted to see if there was anything that shouldn’t be there. Other than that, he and his wife were nice people. We loved to talk to them from time to time. They told us about their life stories in Langkawi, and some history of Langkawi.

Five years later, we needed to find another house for living and running the yoga retreats, due to the existing ‘problems’ with the wooden house. The house on stilts was leaning to one side seriously until we couldn’t close the door anymore, plus the issue with the building permit renewal, as well as our landlord wanted to take back the house that he rented to us for their own stay because their house was going to be demolished to make way for the new highway. They were happy about that because they were getting huge compensation from the authority, which later they used it for building a guesthouse. When I went to renew the building permit for 2014, the authority said that they couldn’t renew that permit anymore because the temporary permit only valid for five years. After five years, we need to make new application for the permanent permit, which requires a lot more money (that we didn’t have) and all kinds of document from the landlord, which the landlord didn’t have. And so, I went to cancel our business license and was getting ready to go through the entire ‘painful’ process of applying for a new temporary building permit and new business license for the new place.

For a few months, we were looking around for a suitable house to live and run yoga retreats, until we found this house beside the paddy field. We had to spend most of our savings to renovate the house and create a garden to make it good enough for living and running yoga retreats. We didn’t make a lot of money from teaching yoga, but we managed to save some money because we lived a very simple non-materialistic and non-sociable life.

Not long after we moved into the new place, some kids climbed over the fence coming into the compound, and when they saw us, they said they just wanted to ‘see’ if they can ‘borrow’ something from us (after they had climbed in without asking permission.) And we told them not to do that again (for climbing over the wall to come into our compound and ‘borrow’ or ‘take’ things as they like.) And then one night, whether it’s related to those kids, or not, our house was being attacked where there were broken glasses in the terrace and garden, resulting from someone throwing light bulbs into the garden and the terrace area. We went to the police station to file a police report for that incident even though knowing that the police won’t do anything about it.

Even when we first arrived in Langkawi, we received a ‘threatening’ email from an expatriate who was a ‘yoga teacher’ and runs a business in Langkawi for more than twenty years, who thinks she is the head of the expatriate community in Langkawi, who wasn’t happy that we came to Langkawi to teach yoga and run retreats, and wanted to ‘lecture’ us about how we should or shouldn’t run our yoga classes and retreats in certain way. We didn’t want to react or response to that, and continued to do what we wanted to do. Later, we heard from some other expatriates about the annoyance that they were getting from her as well.

In less than one year living there, our house was broken-into. And then, followed by two other attempts of breaking-in, where they damaged the mosquito netting trying to come in through the windows, but after knowing that we were at home at that time, they fled. There were blood drops on the floor during the break-in and the police came and took some sample, but we were never being updated about whether they identified and caught anyone, or not. When we asked the police what can we do to protect ourselves if we would be attacked by the thieves, the police told us that we can try to fight back but never to the point of causing serious injury or death to them, as we will be prosecuted for injuring/killing others even for self-defense.

After that, our landlord asked us to keep all the outside lights and some of the inside lights on throughout the night all the time to avoid house break-in, especially when we were not at home, to pretend that someone is at home. Our electric bill was extremely higher than it should be due to the need to use air-conditioners all day and night because of the house was too hot all the time, as well as the need to have many of the lights on throughout the night for just trying to minimize the chances of getting house break-in.

Because our landlord reluctant to fix the broken grill due to the house break-in, they asked us to find someone to fix it. And so we asked someone recommended by a ‘friend’ to come to install a new grill. The guy came and took some deposit from us, and he didn’t come back to us for a long time, and we couldn’t get in touch with him, until we told our ‘friend’ that we will bring this issue to the police, then only our ‘friend’ gave us back the deposit from his own pocket, and he would deal with the guy himself. Then we ‘found’ another metal smith who said he would make the new grill for us, came to our house and took some measurements. And then many weeks later, when we called him as we didn’t hear back from him, he told us that the grill was ready and he would come to install on the next day, and we were waiting for him to come on that day, but he didn’t show up and didn’t call us, and didn’t want to answer our phone calls from then on. This was ridiculous, but it’s because they all have other more ‘important’ big projects to do. We were just some small business that didn’t interest them.

Within the last 5 years, we had tried to call various plumbers, electricians and air-conditioner mechanics to come to do some plumbing, electrical and air-conditioning works for us, none would come, saying that they were too busy with their respective projects with the many hotels and guesthouses. And those (recommended by the landlord) who would come to do a bigger renovation for the house in the beginning to make the house more suitable for living and running the retreats, they delivered a bad quality of workmanship, where the sliding windows, the paint work, the toilets, the doors, the plastering work, the wiring, the car porch and the terrace were of low quality and had lots of defects. And there’s nothing much we can do about it unless we spent more money on it to re-renovate it again, which we couldn’t afford.

In Langkawi, either you might have the money, but you can’t get anyone to do things for you, or, you paid the money and have the people to do things for you, but they are incompetent to deliver good enough quality of workmanship. The guesthouses and restaurants owners whom we knew, were all frustrated about the working quality and attitude of the local people that they could get in Langkawi.

The low quality wooden doors of the house were being affected badly by both the dryness/heat/sunlight and the humidity/rain, where the door repeatedly going through a process of shrinking or expanding causing it couldn’t be closed properly/at all or couldn’t be opened smoothly/at all, and as time goes by, the doors were rotting away. The house was built on refilled rubbles on top of the paddy field, where the flooring and the wall is seriously uneven and cracking through time, and the cracks on the wall and the flooring were widening/deepening in an incredible speed within the past five years. And the owner was being acknowledged about all the problems, but didn’t want to do anything about it. He said, “Oh, that’s normal-lah. Every two years the intense vibrations from the LIMA airshow will shake the house a bit.” There were moisture coming through the ground leaving stains at the lower parts of all the walls in the entire house as well. We had tried to repaint the wall to cover those stains, but very soon, the stains built up over the new paint. It’s pointless. This is due to the bad foundation of the house that they didn’t do right when they first built the house. And that’s common in most of the local houses in Langkawi.

And then, there were many ‘hassles’ that we had to go through yearly for just trying to live a life as well as to be running yoga retreats (legally) in Langkawi.

In order to have a business license and permit to run yoga retreats legally in Langkawi, I had to bear ongoing hassle of ‘threats’ coming from ‘the authority’ and ‘the law of rules and regulations’, where I had to go through the ‘painful’ renewal process repeatedly every year. Not just that I had to pay expensive fees for getting the initial application paper work done (more than 8 thousands Ringgit for the two different houses) and the yearly renewals for the building permit and business license, but I was being ‘threatened’ legally to bear all cost where the building or the house that I rented for living and being legalized/permitted to teach yoga and run yoga retreats need to be demolished, if I want to stop running yoga retreats and cancelling or discontinue renewing the building permit, or if for any reasons, the authority stops renewing the permit.

They said it’s their ‘fault’ and ‘mistake’ in the process of granting me with the building permit under my name, where it should be done under the landlord’s name (which no one told me about that), BUT, even though it’s a mistake from them, it’s still law binding that being the permit and license applier and holder, I am legally obliged to demolish the house/building, and be responsible for all the cost to demolish the house/building if I ever cancelling or discontinued to renew the permit, or if the authority decides to stop renewing the permit, and that it’s my responsibility that I had to negotiate any existing compensation to be paid to the landlord/house owner for demolishing his house or building under that rule and regulation, where the landlord/house owner wittingly rented the house/building to me, acknowledged and allowed me to run yoga retreats in the house or the building, and was aware of this ‘ridiculous’ rule and regulation.

The entire process of applying for the building permit and the business license took more than nine months. And from the very beginning, the authority, the owner and I, we all knew that I was only renting a house and simply just want to apply for a business license to be running yoga retreats legally in Langkawi. And the owner had to sign a paper granting me with the permission to teach yoga and apply for a business license to teach yoga legally in that house. In order to apply for the business license, I needed to apply for a temporary building permit for the house, which had cost me thousands of Ringgit each time. And if without the permission letter from the owner, the authority couldn’t process my application. And so, they knew that I am only renting an existing house, but they only have one application format, which is “Application of requesting permission to build a yoga studio on this land.” I told them, “This isn’t right, because I didn’t build the house, the house was already existing and I am only renting the existing house to live and teach yoga there. I am not asking permission to build a new building of yoga studio on that land.” They said, “We know. But it doesn’t matter. This is the only format that we have in order to grant you a temporary building permit that allows you to apply for the business license. We are here to help you.”

And so, every year, I had to renew the building permit in order to renew the business license. And then when I wanted to renew the temporary building permit for year 2018, the authority asked me to signed a legally binding acknowledgement about I will have to demolish the building and bear all the cost and compensation to any party, if I, or the authority, decide to cancel the building permit. I wasn’t comfortable with that, and told them that I didn’t want to get involved with such ‘trouble’ for just trying to do things legally. I was ready to let go everything and stop teaching yoga in Langkawi at that time. My father had just passed away a few days ago. I was quite emotional. Then they told me, “Hey, don’t worry. It’s just some standard paper work. It won’t affect you because we have the permission letter from the owner. The owner will be responsible for complying to the rules and regulations. Not you. When you stop business or stop living there, you just go. If anything, we deal with the owner. No problem.”

“But then, I am the one who had the name and signature on that legally binding document. It doesn’t matter what you say, I am the one who is legally bound by this.” Then they asked me to contact the owner to explain the situation to him. They also said that they would help me by changing the holder name of the permit to the owner’s name, as it was their mistake in the beginning where they should have use the owner’s name to apply for the temporary building permit, and not using my name. And when the owner came to the office, the owner asked the officer, “What happen if she had to demolish my house as requested by the authority?” The officer said, “Oh! That depends on your rental agreement with her. You can request and negotiate compensation from her.” What?!

Does this hurt your brain as well? And this is the system that everyone who wants to do things legally in Langkawi has to comply to.

That means, either I didn’t want to demolish the house as I was only renting the house, the house doesn’t belong to me, but then I would be prosecuted by the authority for not obeying the rules and regulations, or, I obeyed the rules and regulations from the authority, spent money (that I don’t have) to demolish the house (which is illegal for me to do that), and then be sued by the owner and had to pay compensation (that I don’t have) to him for demolishing his property that he rented to me.

Even though they had created a letter for me and the owner to sign stating that we requested to change the holder name for the temporary building permit, but when I wanted to renew the permit for year 2019, the name hadn’t been changed at all, it was still under my name, but they accepted the legal binding document was being signed by the owner, and not me. Even so, I was really uncomfortable with the whole affair. I just wanted to do things legally, but it’s so difficult and complicated and PAINFUL to do things legally in Langkawi, while there are so many illegal businesses and tourist yogis teaching yoga classes on Langkawi illegally didn’t need to go through all these ridiculous hassles that I had to go through for trying to do things legally.

On top of that, we had to pay higher rental than what the local people are paying as my husband is a European and I am a Malaysian Chinese. Normally the locals would pay only half of what we paid for the similar house.

The three houses that we rented for living/running yoga retreats were rundown and unmaintained by the owners, where we needed to spent quite a lot of money to renovate and maintain the condition of the houses in order for them to be functional and good enough for living as well as to run yoga retreats. When people came for attending the yoga retreats and said, “Oh, what a nice place you have for living and for hosting the yoga retreats.” that is because we had spent most of our savings into making the space suitable for running the yoga retreats and comfortable enough for the people who come to attend the yoga retreats.

Anyway, when I went to cancel the permit before we moved, unsurprisingly, they gave me a letter stating that I am being requested to demolish the building/house. The officer said to me, “Your permit is successfully cancelled. My boss said you need to demolish the building.” while pointing to the respective sentence. But then, he immediately said to me, “You can ignore this sentence. You don’t really need to demolish the house. You are just renting the house. We won’t do anything. Next time if the landlord want to have a permit, he can do so with the existing file.” I told him, “Really? This is a legal binding document that is directing to my name, how can you tell me to ignore this sentence? Why don’t you give me a letter that is without that sentence?” He said, “This is a standard order from the boss. We can’t change that.” There’s nothing more I could say. I can’t change the system. I left and let it be.

The village also has another issue. There is serious rubbish problem. The locals are not keen on keeping the surrounding environment clean and rubbish free. They throw rubbish everywhere as they like. In the beginning we went out to the street around the village to pick up all the rubbish. And then, we realized that not just it didn’t bring awareness to the people, but we were actually encouraging them to throw more rubbish everywhere, as they feel it’s okay for them to throw the rubbish everywhere because there were two ‘stupid’ people living here now will clean up the rubbish for them. And so, we stopped doing that.

We would try our best to keep the front of our house as clean as possible by picking up any rubbish being thrown by random people passing by. But somehow, our next door neighbours weren’t really helpful as they would just throw anything over their fence into the paddy field. The paddy field is no longer being cultivated but had turned into a rubbish dumpsite full of food waste, plastic wraps, bags, containers and bottles as well as unwanted old broken furniture, and etc. We had talked to the neighbours a few times requesting them that maybe they could stop throwing rubbish over the fence like that. But, they still do what they want to do. The paddy field in front of our house used to be so picturesque but it wasn’t anymore. And then from time to time, the other neighbours would burnt some rubbish with all kinds of plastic material that generate toxic fumes.

Another reason is that on the 1st of July 2019, I could have been injured or losing my life on the highway towards Kuala Lumpur for attending my brother’s funeral because of the ‘dishonesty’ and ‘incompetency’ of the car workshop that I had been bringing my car for regular service and repair in the past 10 years. Some how, they installed expired and non-compatible tyres to my car where they were in so bad condition that they could have exploded and caused serious damages to myself and/or others during my long driving journey from Langkawi to Kuala Lumpur that day, which I only realized how lucky I was when my second brother saw the serious damages of the tyres and immediately brought the car to a nearby tyre shop near the funeral place to change the tyres immediately. Everyone said that it was incredible that the tyres didn’t explode when it could easily have, while I was driving at a fast speed on the highway that day. Again, it’s my own responsibility for entrusting the car to that workshop and have limited knowledge about car and tyres.

I told my husband, “Okay. That’s enough. We leave Langkawi. I want to appreciate the remaining life time in peace not being threatened by dishonest people and the ridiculous system of this island.” I am not fear of death, I am ready to leave anytime, but if possible, I do not want to suffer unnecessary suffering due to other people’s dishonesty.

Despite all the mentioned difficulties, we did have a very good long term grass-cutting man who would come to cut the grass for us once every two months in the past 10 years. We are thankful for that. And the good thing about living in Langkawi is there’s no traffic jam (yet) and there are nice waterfalls, even though the locals have the habit of leaving rubbish everywhere and maintenance is not great. And we are thankful to Langkawi and the houses that we lived in, allowing many retreats had been happening and people from all over the world came to be learning and practicing yoga with us there, allowing us to share yoga with so many people. Thank you for all the supports.

We chose to move to Penang Island for start, and then we will see what happen. If we have to move somewhere else, it really doesn’t matter. The system in Penang Island could be worst or maybe better than Langkawi, we don’t know yet. And many parts of the world are going through certain difficulties. I don’t need to have a yoga studio or retreat centre. I don’t need to teach yoga restricted to a particular place.  I don’t need to teach yoga at all. I just want to have a place to live and do my own practice, if possible. If it’s not possible, I live and practice as I am. As a writer and editor, my husband can live anywhere. And in terms of the writing and reading scene, social, music, arts and cultural development, Penang has a lot more to offer than in Langkawi.

Finding a place to rent in Penang also wasn’t easy for us. We had to spend quite some money coming here twice to be looking for a place. We met some ‘good’ people helping us in certain things, we also met some ‘helpful’ people who only interested to take advantage of us. Anyway, we found a good enough place and paid the deposit to reserve it, even though the owner has some issues and doesn’t want to give us long term contract. As the moving out from Langkawi is the most complicated difficult part. We need to have a place secured even if it’s temporary. Once we arrived in Penang, then even though if we have to find another place later within Penang, or if we need to move to another place in Malaysia, or even outside Malaysia, it will be a lot easier in Penang than in Langkawi.

In this new place, my husband can swim everyday at the 50 metres well-maintained swimming pool, we seldom use the air-conditioner as the place is well ventilated, the windows can be opened and closed, we don’t have to keep lights on when we are not at home or when we go to sleep, there are security guards, there’s convenience of getting grocery and fresh produce, there’s no lizard shit, no cats leaving behind dead animals/shit/pee/fleas, no snakes or centipedes coming into the house, there’s a balcony to sit out comfortably without being eaten by ants and mosquitoes, there’s nice hill view and sea view from the windows and balcony, we can cook if we want with many choices of fresh produce available, or there’s plenty of restaurants or food courts nearby that have plenty choices and good quality of food at reasonable price (not tourists price), the people working in the shops and restaurants are friendly and courteous, my husband can read and write under proper lighting, there’s fast speed internet, there are many reading, writing, arts and cultural events in Penang for my husband’s interest, there’s hiking trails nearby, there’s good rubbish management, I found a car workshop where the people are really helpful, and many more, so far.

All is impermanent.

Be happy.

Welcoming changes towards unlimited unthinkable opportunities

Most minds will tend to have fear and worry towards changes, especially letting go a familiar living environment and family/friends/social circle, as well as letting go job or business that provides ‘stable’ financial support for living, unless they have no other choices but they have to find another living environment elsewhere and to find some other job or business due to unforeseen circumstances, such as losing their beloved home or job/business unwittingly due to natural disaster, bad economy, accident, war, and etc.

This fear and worry is the instinctive fear towards the unknown/uncertainty and fear of making the wrong decision to be losing the good and comfortable condition that one has been familiar with, which one loves/enjoys very much.

Whether we are aware or unaware of it, stability is always the main element and attachment in everything in life, even though the nature of everything is impermanence. Impermanence exists even in so called ‘stability’. Most minds would think and believe that they are embracing impermanence, but most probably only embracing towards changes of improvement, while there’s great aversion towards changes of deterioration. But deterioration is the ultimate truth of everything that exist under certain name and form.

Only when the mind learns how to embrace the nature of impermanence regardless of improvement or deterioration, there’s no fear towards changes or decisions making that actually would lead towards unlimited possible opportunities that are unknown to the mind until the mind sees them upon letting go/abandoning the little box of a familiar life that the mind lives in, when the mind starts to allow itself to be opened towards all the unknown/uncertainty without fear or regret, but with great welcome.

This is also similar to the teaching of yoga about surrendering. It’s not about ‘letting God to lead life and God will look after life for us’, but it’s about letting go the attachment/identification/clinging/expectation towards ‘the existing comfort that gives rise to the sense of meaningfulness derived from particular way of living and activities that the mind enjoys very much’ and letting go the fear towards losing or no longer having ‘this comfort and the sense of meaningfulness that it has been attaching or clinging onto’.

Most people will think and say, “Unless we have to, why do we want to let go something that is good and meaningful which we love very much that is still available to us now?”

There’s nothing wrong with that, as people don’t really need to let go anything (especially ‘goodness’ that gives rise to the sense of meaningfulness) until they have to. People like to hear and say, “Appreciate all the good things until they are no longer available.” That’s very good. But for the truth seekers, the attachment/clinging towards ‘goodness or comfortable good condition that give rise to the sense of meaningfulness’ is indeed one of the great obstacles towards liberation that most minds don’t realize.

For the minds that are in searching for ‘the truth’ or ‘liberation from ignorance’, or ‘selflessness/namelessness/formlessness/attributelessness/beginninglessness/endlessness/birthlessness/deathlessness/changelessness’, there’s no waiting, as this life existence, regardless of ‘good and comfortable life’ or ‘bad and challenging life’, is passing away.

For some who believe in one life, they might think and say, “Ah! there’s only one life, why bother about anything? Enjoy as much as possible while it’s available.”

For some who believe in many continuous lives, they might think and say, “Ah! there’s so many lives, need not hurry for anything. Enjoy as much as possible while it’s available.”

For the truth seekers, “It’s NOW, and there’s only NOW.” regardless of it’s good and comfortable life or bad and challenging life, or one life, or many continuous lives, or the beginningless/endless/birthless/deathless infinite Sat-Chit-Ananda.

Attachment as in Yoga and Buddhism

“What is attachment?”

Due to ignorance, the mind is functioning/operating under the influence of egoism, where there’s attachment towards the mind perception of names and forms through the senses, that brings along multiple identifications/identities identifying with impermanent and selfless names and forms that representing ‘I’ and ‘my life’ and ‘my relationships with everyone and everything in my life’ that aren’t ‘the truth’ or don’t ‘exist’ (there’s neither ‘I’ nor ‘not I’ in selflessness) with boundless passionate worldly desires of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, which leads to all kinds of action and reaction and the fruit/consequences of action and reaction, activating the loop of endless births and deaths, and the consequence of all that – Restlessness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, jealousy, hurts, aggressiveness, defensiveness, offensiveness, fear, worry, stress, regret, guilt, grief, painful sorrow, or suffering/peacelessness exist within the modification of the mind, which are also subject to impermanence and selflessness, governs by the law of nature – cause and effect, action and the fruit/consequence of action.

The fundamental attachments that exist in most minds are worldly life existence attachment, individual being existence attachment (‘I am an existing individual being with certain quality of name and form’, ‘this is I/this is not I’, or ‘I am this/I am not that’), physical attachment, mental attachment, emotional attachment, relationship/companionship attachment, material/object/possession attachment, family/friends/relative/race/nationality attachment, thinking and belief attachment, life experiences attachment, social/cultural/spiritual/religious attachment, gender/sexual orientation attachment, connection/networking attachment, ability/achievement/jobs/contribution attachment, the sense of meaningfulness/positiveness/goodness/righteousness/happiness attachment, environmental/living condition attachment, and personal or group thinking/belief/values/practice/likes and dislikes/agreements and disagreements attachment.

From the idea of ‘I’, existing as an individual being of certain quality of name and form, there’s attachment towards the restless/selfless modification of the mind perception of a fleeting selfless worldly life existence of the impermanent and selfless decaying physical body and intellectual assertive thinking mind, attachment towards the physical activities/conditions/appearances/abilities/disabilities/limitations, the mental/thoughts/emotional activities/states/conditions/abilities/disabilities/limitations, the actions and reactions and the fruit/consequence of actions and reactions, the pleasant and unpleasant sensations, feelings and emotions, the sights/smells/tastes/sounds/feelings/sensations/thoughts, the relationships/connections/interactions/learning/memories/knowledge/talent/skill, the inputs/outputs/expressions/points of view/ideas/creativity, the accomplishment and non-accomplishment, the many individual/group/community/social/professional/cultural/spiritual/religious identifications/identities/images/status, the accumulation of possession towards objects and relationships, the ambitions/inspirations/aspirations, the instinct for creation and reproduction, the judgment and expectation from oneself and from others towards oneself and the world/society/environment, and so on.

When there’s attachment, the mind is unwittingly being determined and disturbed by all the impermanent and selfless perception/experience of names and forms. There’s craving/clinging/longing towards the names and forms or experiences or conditions that the mind desires, likes and agrees with, and there’s aversion towards the names and forms or experiences or conditions that the mind doesn’t desire, dislikes and disagrees with. The mind is being restless due to endless boundless desires waiting to be fulfilled/gratified, trying to satisfy not just the physical hunger and thirst, but also the endless mental hunger and thirst towards the sense of satisfaction, meaningfulness, positiveness, righteousness, goodness, togetherness, connection, happiness, accomplishment, confidence, well-deserving, well-loved, well-worthed and well-lived.

Absence of attachment, the mind perception of names and forms of all the impermanent and selfless desirable/undesirable, pleasant/unpleasant, agreeable/disagreeable worldly life experiences is just what it is, neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither right nor wrong, neither meaningful nor meaningless, neither precious nor preciousless, neither enjoyable nor suffering, neither peaceful nor peaceless. Dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, jealousy, hurts, aggressiveness, defensiveness, offensiveness, fear, worry, stress, regret, guilt, grief, painful sorrow, or suffering, don’t exist upon the void/absence of attachment.

The Yoga and Buddhism practice is all about silencing this restless modification of the mind, annihilating ignorance and egoism, of endless desire and attachment, and the consequences of that. And this is nothing to do with the different condition, situation, experience, learning, practicing, ability, disability, qualification, certification, limitation, strength, flexibility, stamina, fitness level, performance, intelligence, knowledge, talent, skill, title, status, skin colour, race, nationality, gender, spirituality, religion, culture, belief and disbelief, time, space and causation. It transcends all the names and forms, qualities, intellectual thinking and analysis, time, space and causation of duality, separateness, past/present/future, condition/situation, cause and effect, good/bad karma, birth and death.

The selfless yogis either renouncing and retreating from the world of worldly life, relationships, affairs and activities that based on egoism and feed egoism, or, performing actions in the world while living among the worldly society but without attachment, are neither selfish nor unselfish. All are impermanent and selfless.

In another term, when the state of the mind (under the idea of ‘I’) is being determined by the impermanent changes of the physical condition/appearance/ability/disability/performance and the modification of the mind of thoughts activities/feelings/emotions, where there’s presence of low or high self-esteem/confidence/self-value being determined by the relationships with everyone, being determined by the names and forms of desirable/undesirable experiences/conditions/situations and the likes and dislikes/agreements and disagreements towards what the mind perceives through the senses of whatever the mind experiences in this present moment, or remembering towards the past experiences, or projecting into the future, being determined by actions and the fruit of actions/achievement and non-achievement, being determined by the condition and situation in the world, being satisfied/dissatisfied, meaningful/meaningless, happy/unhappy, confident/non-confident, where there’s identification/acknowledgement of “I am good/not good enough/bad/positive/negative/optimistic/kind/unkind/unselfish/selfish/weak/strong/superior/inferior/hurt/healed.” that is attachment.

If there is attachment, identification, desire and expectation, there will be hurts, anger, disappointment, fear or regret upon coming in contact with undesirable/unpleasant/undeserving experiences/situations that are “not the way that I would like it to be or not the way that I think how it should be.”

If attachment, identification, desire and expectation are absent, there’s no hurts, anger, disappointment, fear or regret upon coming in contact with undesirable/unpleasant/undeserving experiences/situations that are “not the way that I would like it to be or not the way that I think how it should be.”

Neither right nor wrong

Most people think, react and behave in certain ways that conform to the way of thinking, reaction and behavior of the majority of the society, and naturally there will be egoistic judgment and expectation towards how all the others should or shouldn’t think, react and behave in certain ways in accordance to their way of thinking, reaction and behavior that they think and believe as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’, ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’, ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’, ‘sane’ or ‘insane’. Anything that are contradicting and are different from their own way of thinking, reaction and behavior, would be categorized as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘negative’, ‘inappropriate’, ‘unhealthy’, ‘abnormal’, or ‘insane’. What is contradicting with what the impure egoistic minds think and believe as ‘humanity’ is being understood as ‘inhumanity’. There are lots of discussions, debates, arguments and conflicts exist due to the strong attachment towards the mind perception of duality under the influence of ignorance and egoism that based on particular way of thinking, reaction and behavior that is agreeable to the majority of the society.

Yoga practice is about changing such egoistic thinking pattern of the impure egoistic mind and allowing the mind to see things as they are, to free the mind from egoistic judgment or expectation towards all the different ways of thinking, reaction and behavior to be or not to be in certain way.

Upon coming in contact with the ‘death’ of someone or something, most minds would react and feel sad and grieve/mourn, and would criticize or condemn certain minds that don’t react in such way, where they don’t feel sad nor grieve/mourn towards the ‘death’ of someone or something (that most minds think and believe as something good and is dear to them), as a form of ‘wrongful’/’bad’/’inappropriate’/’negative’/’unhealthy’/’abnormal’/’insane’ way of thinking, reaction and behavior. Meanwhile, these impure egoistic minds would feel glad and cheer towards the ‘death’ or ‘destruction’ of someone or something that they think and believe as something bad and is hated by them.

And that’s everyone’s freedom for how they think, feel, react, judge and expect.

For the yoga practitioners, it’s all about the elimination of ignorance and egoism, by freeing the mind from such worldly egoistic thinking pattern of the mind.

How the minds perceive and judge towards everything is based on what the minds know and understand, and what the impure egoistic minds know and understand is very limited and conditioned under the influence of ignorance and egoism, even if the minds are highly educated and knowledgeable.

People who might be highly educated and knowledgeable could be thinking and believing that, “The minority must respect and conform to the idea and wish of the majority.” and constantly be offended and hurt by something that the mind dislikes and disagrees with.

The selfless yogis, or the wise ones, or the dispassionate ones, neither grieve/mourn towards the ‘death’ nor cheer/celebrate towards the ‘birth’ of ‘the good and dearest ones’. Neither will they cheer towards the ‘death’ nor grieve/mourn towards the ‘birth’ of ‘the bad and hated ones’. It’s not that they are emotion-less, or heart-less, or depressing, abnormal or insane, it’s just that they perceive and understand everything differently from the majority of the society, being aware of the truth of names and forms and transcending all the qualities of names and forms that are subject to cause and effect, impermanence and selflessness. The thinking, reaction and behavior pattern of these minds towards the perception/experience of all kinds of names and forms or the pleasant/unpleasant experiences has transcended the perception and understanding of the impure egoistic minds, where they don’t think, react or behave like the majority of the society.

Whenever the mind thinks and judges, “Oh, this person thinks, reacts and behaves in the way that is so wrong, bad, negative, inappropriate, abnormal, unhealthy or insane. Obviously this person doesn’t know or understand how to think, react or behave in the way that is right, good, positive, appropriate, normal, healthy and sane.” then know that most probably it’s actually ‘this mind that thinks and judges in such way’ that doesn’t know/understand or is being ignorant towards something that is beyond what this mind knows and understands.

Know this mind. Know Thyself.

It’s merely different ways of thinking, reaction and behavior under different states of the mind that is subject to cause and effect, impermanence and selflessness, that is either under the influence of ignorance and egoism, or not.

If the mind cannot go beyond the duality of right and wrong, good and bad, positive and negative, and so on, then even though one has been practicing and teaching yoga for many years, this mind is not free.

Contemplate, reflect, realize.

Letting go?

If there’s no attachment, there’s needless of letting go.

If there’s attachment towards either something pleasant or unpleasant, enjoyable or painful, then know that everything is impermanent.

If one knows what is non-attachment towards what is pleasant and enjoyable, then one can fully appreciate and enjoy what is pleasant and enjoyable, but will be able to let it go in peace when impermanence strikes. If there’s attachment and one doesn’t know how to let go, then there will be dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness, hurts or painful sorrow upon losing what one likes very much, that is pleasant and enjoyable. And there’s nothing wrong with that, just that one needs to know that even those dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness, hurts or painful sorrow are also impermanent.

When one is holding onto something unpleasant or painful, and one cannot withstand the unpleasantness or pain, one can choose to let go of it, by putting it down without hurting it, without regret of letting go something that one likes very much, but it’s unpleasant and painful. A lot of time, most people would just react spontaneously if they dislike the unpleasantness or pain, or couldn’t forbear the unpleasantness or pain, and would be throwing away immediately whatever that appears to be unpleasant or painful to oneself, and cause damages to that either wittingly or unwittingly.

There’s nothing wrong if one decided to continuously holding onto something that one likes very much even though it’s unpleasant or painful, but then, one must also accept the consequences of that and endure all the unpleasantness or pain due to unwilling to let go something that appears to be unpleasant or painful to oneself, without expectation towards this unpleasantness or pain will change or disappear, but allowing the changes to be what they are, not necessarily the way that one would like it to be.

It’s everyone’s freedom for whether they want to let go, and be free, or they don’t want to let go, and accept the consequences of one’s action and decision of not letting go.

Be free.

Be free from craving and aversion towards identification with good or bad quality

None need to be ‘good’ or ‘good enough’ to have peace, not to say to be ‘perfect’.

Free this mind from egoism of craving towards certain quality of names and forms that the mind would like to possess or be identifying with as ‘I’.

Free this mind from egoism of aversion towards certain quality of names and forms that the mind wouldn’t like to possess or be identifying with as ‘I’.

Accepting the imperfection of all kinds of names and forms as it is.

All the ‘perfect’ and ‘imperfect’ qualities of names and forms are impermanent and they are not ‘I’. There’s needless of the egoistic identification with any quality of names and forms as ‘I’, or ‘I am this/I am not that’.

Be free from aversion towards the acknowledgement of ‘being stupid’ or ‘not smart enough’ in learning or doing something in this world. One doesn’t need to try very hard to ‘not being stupid’ or try to ‘be smart’.

It’s okay sometimes the egoistic mind realizes and acknowledges itself is being stupid or not as smart as one would like oneself to be, and would make certain mistake unwittingly or doesn’t understand about something and doesn’t know how to do certain things. Whether it’s something that the mind perceives or acknowledges as ‘perfection’ or ‘imperfection’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it’s impermanent and it’s not ‘I’. The mind that is free from the idea of ‘I’ or the ego, has no such ‘problem’ or ‘reaction’ towards the quality of names and forms that is impermanent and selfless.

Then even though one is aware of oneself is not as smart as one would like oneself to be or is less smart than many other people, but the understanding of non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, non-comparison and non-expectation, is already being wiser than many people who are under the influence of ignorance and egoism, who try very hard to ‘be smart’ or try to ‘outsmart’ other people in order not to be acknowledged by oneself and others as ‘I am stupid’ or ‘I am not smart enough’, or to be acknowledged by oneself and others as ‘I am not stupid’ or ‘I am smart enough’, and would be very disappointed, frustrated and unhappy with oneself for being acknowledged as ‘being stupid’ or ‘being not smart enough’.

Be free.

Need not be disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others

There are so many ignorant actions/reactions/behavior and their consequences existing in this world deriving from people/human beings with the mind functioning under the influence of ignorance and the by-products of it, of egoism and impurities, wittingly or unwittingly.

There’s nothing wrong and it’s common that people who ‘love’ the world are being disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others. Everyone has the freedom to react and feel the way that they want to react and feel. But this is unnecessarily for the mind that is free from ignorance and egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation, even if this mind would like to do one’s best to maintain or uphold ‘goodness’ and ‘rightfulness’ in the world and to protect the world from ‘badness’ or ‘wrongfulness’ as much as possible, according to what the mind believes as ‘good’ and ‘right’, and vice versa.

Those who have no attachment towards this world or the mind perception of an impermanent and selfless life existence of names and forms, are not being disturbed or frustrated or hurt by the ignorance of others and the consequences of that, as there’s no need of such reaction.

One lives in the present as it is, constantly adjusting and adapting to any situation and condition, performing necessary actions, being fearless/worryless towards unforeseen circumstances that arise whether due to the law of nature or the ignorance of human beings, and respecting the world being what it is.

Everyone lives in the world, and yet, the world doesn’t belong to anyone. But due to ignorance and survival instinct that born out of ignorance, most people/human beings (either by oneself or by group) claim ownership and authorization towards certain territory in the world or the entire world, and desire to make that part of the world or the entire world to be the way that they would like it to be, and would discriminate and fight against those who desire the world to be the way that is different from what they desire, or those who appear to be non-cooperative/non-supportive in gratifying their desire of building a world that they prefer, or those who stand in their way obstructing their desire/ambition/aspiration of controlling the world to be in certain way that they desire.

The ones who are free from ignorance neither desire nor don’t desire the world to be in certain way, respecting the world being what it is, evolves as it is, and respecting the law of nature to be what it is.

The law of nature will always be what it is, and nothing can alter or stop the law of nature being what it is, not even ‘God’ will be interfering with the law of nature, for those who believe in ‘God’ existence, regardless of what they think ‘God’ is. Even the ‘God’ that comes with certain names and forms is also subject to the law of nature. Only minds/human beings under the influence of ignorance would think and believe that they are so great and powerful to be defeating the law of nature to gratify all their desires the way that they want it to be, or to control the world to be the way that they desire it to be.

It’s not about fighting against ignorant beings or other people’s ignorant thinking/belief/action/reaction/behavior/values/practice that the mind thinks and believes as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, but it’s working diligently to free this mind from ignorance.

Just do good without desiring or expecting or controlling the world to be good the way that the minds think and believe how it should be.

Yearning for liberation / Longing for freedom / Survival instinct

Longing for freedom or yearning for liberation is a basic instinct that exists in all beings of different names and forms that are subject to impermanence and selflessness. It’s related to survival instinct of to be free from, or to be protected from, or to avoid hunger, thirst, injury, illness, weakness, loneliness, meaninglessness, pain, unpleasantness, sorrow, suffering, aging, decaying, death, the unknown, lacking, ceased existing, extinction or non-existence, as much as possible. Survival instinct gives rise to the desire of grasping/holding onto life and relationships as well as the desire to procreate/reproduce/multiply, which also give rise to fear, worry, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, anger, jealousy, painful sorrow and so on, where the mind is unwittingly restless and peaceless, or ‘not free’, which also leads to the longing for freedom/liberation from restlessness/peacelessness.

All minds (the projector/perceiver of a worldly life existence that is subject to impermanence and selflessness) that are under the influence of ignorance are longing for freedom or liberation (from the ‘undesirable/unwanted experiences’ of a worldly life of uncertainty that the minds perceive/recognize as unpleasantness, bad, wrong, unhappiness, negativity, poverty, difficulty, hardship, failure, ungratified desire, painful suffering, meaninglessness, aloneness, separation from the loved ones, or coming in contact with the hated ones), where most minds acknowledging but not knowing why the sense of ‘being not free’ or ‘being limited/restricted/bound by something’ is always there, either consciously or subconsciously, even when all kinds of worldly desire are being gratified, or everything in life seems to be ‘all good and nothing bad’.

Most minds aren’t interested to ‘know thyself’ or to ‘be free from ignorance’ even though they might be fighting for freedom of thinking, belief, practice, living, way of life, education, movement, rights, action and speech in the world, as either they are ignorant towards ignorance, or they don’t feel the need/importance for that until great suffering/disappointment/painful sorrow arise, while some minds are initiated and be determined to ‘know thyself’, to ‘be free from ignorance’, as they are aware of ignorance and the by-products of ignorance.

Yoga of self-inquiry and self-realization is to free the mind from such ignorance. Ignorance is the root cause of all suffering/doubt/fear/limitation/bondage, and hence, there’s the ‘need’ or ‘longing’ for freedom/liberation, to be free/liberated from ignorance. Ignorance is the source of all kinds of ‘bondage’. Ignorance is not what most people think as ‘lack of knowledge’ or ‘unintelligent’ or ‘lazy/unwilling to learn’. Ignorance exists even in the highly knowledgeable or intelligent or righteous minds/people/beings where the minds are determined and influenced by impurities and egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, expectation, agreements/disagreements based on certain cultural/religious teachings, beliefs, values and practice.

The mind that is free from ignorance, is void of ‘bondage’ being free from attachment, or grasping, or longing. It doesn’t need to be free or be liberated from anything, as it is free, as what it is. It’s ignorance that gives rise to attachment/grasping/longing that give rise to all kinds of suffering/disappointment/painful sorrow and the sense of ‘being not free’ (bondage), which give rise to the longing for freedom or the yearning for liberation.

As long as the mind is functioning under the influence of ignorance and perceives/experiences ‘suffering’ due to ignorance, there’s the ‘need’, or ‘urgency’, or ‘importance’ to free or liberate the mind from ignorance, as the mind keeps generating actions that would ‘hurt’ oneself and others, whether wittingly or unwittingly, due to ignorance and the by-product of ignorance. Upon the annihilation of ignorance, there’s neither suffering nor the end of suffering. There’s neither ‘hurts’ nor ‘the need to be healed from hurts’. That’s compassion and freedom.

Those who are interested to free the mind from ignorance can contemplate on this –

Whatever the mind believes or disbelieves, desires or doesn’t desire, agrees or disagrees with, it’s all part of the modification of the mind.

There are all kinds of different culture having their own teachings, beliefs, values and practice, that are different from one another among all the different cultures in the world.

Just like all the different religions also have their own way of teachings, beliefs, values and practice.

It isn’t about which one is true/false or better than the others, and it doesn’t matter whether the mind believes or disbelieves in ‘God existence’ or ‘self-existence’, but it’s about going beyond all kinds of teachings, beliefs, values and practice, to allow the mind to see the truth of ‘the mind perception of a worldly life existence of uncertainty that is subject to impermanence and selflessness’.

All kinds of teachings, beliefs, values and practice have their own purpose serving the many minds of different temperament and characteristic to ‘live life and behave in certain way’ and ‘have certain goal/direction in a worldly life of uncertainty’, that allows most minds to continuously living/existing under certain ‘purpose/meaning’ by constantly striving to perform actions and reaping the fruit of actions, to attain the sense of purpose, well-being, love, accomplishment and satisfaction in personal and universal achievements, that would produce constant improvements/innovations which give rise to the sense of motivation, liveliness and meaningfulness to ‘life existence’. Just like most people need to live life ‘passionately and actively’, continuously, or else, life would appear to be ‘meaningless, empty and lifeless’ for them.

There’s neither good nor bad in all these different kinds of worldly cultural/religious teachings, beliefs, values and practice, just that the minds are not free, being conditioned/limited/bound to think, expect, judge, act and react in certain way. The mind is ‘limited’ or ‘not free’, being bound by the modification of the mind under the influence of ignorance, being bound by all kinds of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, expectation, judgment, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements based on certain cultural/religious teachings, beliefs, values and practice. And there’s great aversion and fear towards ‘going beyond’ or ‘letting go’ all those teachings, beliefs, values and practice.

Whatever being perceived by the mind as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘meaningful’ or ‘meaningless’, ‘belief’ or ‘disbelief’, ‘agreeable’ or ‘disagreeable’, ‘pleasurable enjoyment’ or ‘painful suffering’ and so on, is in the mind, from the mind. Suffering arise and pass away in the mind, from the mind. Countless births and deaths of countless thoughts of different states arise and pass away in the mind, from the mind. And there’s nothing wrong with different minds perceive/judge things differently based on different teachings, beliefs, values and practice, just that it’s not the truth of names and forms. There’s nothing wrong with whether the mind thinks and believes “Be positive. Be optimistic. Everything is good. Nothing is bad.” or “This is positive/good/right/meaningful. That is negative/bad/wrong/meaningless.” or “I have so much love and support from so many people/beings. (My) Life is so good and meaningful.” or “I don’t have any love and support from anyone. (My) Life is so sad and meaningless.” or “Life is wonderful/painful. The world is good/bad.” Just that it’s not the truth.

Do not blind-believing, blind-following, blind-practicing, blind-propagating, blind-agreeing/disagreeing about anything.

Those who know, they don’t need to think positive, or be optimistic, or feel meaningful, or receive love, or fight for freedom, or attain peace. They are free as it is.

Contemplate, reflect, inquire, and realize.

Life is uncertain and Death is certain

Life is uncertain, but death is certain.

Death is a great teacher of life existence. The healthiest, the strongest, the happiest, the wealthiest, the kindest, the greatest, the most intelligent and knowledgeable, the most talented, successful and famous, or the most loved and respected, will also have to bow down to DEATH.

There’s no guarantee about anything in this worldly life existence of uncertainty, but for sure, death will come one day, sooner or later, regardless of whether it’s natural cause or unnatural cause, intentional or unintentional, expected or unexpected, slowly or instantly, wittingly or unwittingly, having none/few/many friends, having an easy life or difficult life, being ignorant or wise, have done none/few/many good actions or bad actions, have been good or bad/right or wrong/positive or negative/happy or unhappy/healthy or unhealthy. Everyone is dying immediately following the moment of birth, but most people either don’t realize this or they trying to be positive and hope for the best. Death is not a bad or negative thing at all.

“Tribute to my big brother who had lived a difficult but great honest life, who was content and generous, who was forbearing and forgiving, who had been smiling through all the hardships, who had delivered all his duties and responsibilities as a great son, a great brother, a great husband and a great friend to many beings, who had been sacrificed greatly to be looking after our family during the difficult time, and looking after our beloved bedridden father unconditionally for many years until he left the world. And now, my big brother had left this world without any painful suffering but with a smile on his face on the 30th of June 2019. Thank you brother.”

Meaning / Purpose of life existence

Most minds look for the ‘meaning/purpose of life existence’ in certain qualities of names and forms, of worldly affairs, actions, activities, interactions, relationships, achievements, objects, conditions, quality of life, contributions, selfless service, and etc.

“Find something or do something in life that make you feel meaningful that give you the sense of purpose of life existence, so that life wouldn’t be meaningless and purposeless.” That’s what many people think and believe and propagate. People are suffering from ‘meaninglessness’ or ‘loneliness’ because they try to find the ‘meaning/purpose of life’ in the worldly names and forms (conditions/relationships/actions/activities/experiences/achievements) that are limited by impermanence and selflessness, that are perishable.

There’s nothing wrong with the minds finding ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ of life existence in certain qualities of names and forms, of worldly affairs, actions, activities, interactions, relationships, achievements, objects, conditions, quality of life, contributions, selfless service, and etc. Especially when there’s no attachment towards all the perishable qualities of names and forms that give the mind the sense of ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ of life existence.

Those who practice yoga or Buddhism, they don’t seek the ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ of life existence in anything that is subject to impermanence and selflessness, that is perishable. Even ‘life’, or ‘life existence’, or anything that is existing or related to this ‘life existence’, including the physical body and the modification of the mind, all actions and the fruit of actions, and the ‘yoga practice’ and the result of the ‘yoga practice’, regardless of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ qualities and ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ elements, are all subject to impermanence and selflessness.

For those who practice yoga or Buddhism, the very basic inquiry is to look into the physical body and the modification of the mind to see the truth of impermanence and selflessness of the existence and function of the physical body and the mind, that allows the mind to drop off the attachment and identification towards the physical body and the mind perception of names and forms and the related worldly life existence, as the basic foundation that leads the mind towards Self-realization, realizing selflessness/egolessness/’I’-lessness/oneness/namelessness/formlessness/attributelessness.

The physical body needs constant maintenance, to be fed from time to time to be functioning/existing/surviving, while generating/disposing many by-products at the same time, and constantly balancing between physical/mental activities and rest. When it didn’t get fed enough, it will feed on itself (‘eating’ itself), withdrawing energy, liquid, minerals and nutrients from the body itself to feed itself to be continuing functioning/existing/surviving. If the energy supply stopped for more than a certain period of time, when it no longer can function/survive by ‘eating’ itself, the body will stop functioning and decomposing, or ‘death’. There’s nothing good or bad, positive or negative, happiness or unhappiness, meaningfulness or meaninglessness, purposefulness or purposelessness about the birth and death of the physical body (of oneself and others), and all those impermanent changes of growth, decaying, aging, deteriorating and illness/injury/pain/discomfort in between birth and death. It’s the same as the modification of the mind perceiving all the names and forms of a life existence through the senses via the sense organs of the physical body, that rely on Prana/energy/food/oxygen/water/nutrients/minerals supply to be functioning, constantly changing selflessly under the influence of all kinds of inputs/elements/Gunas/cause and effect.

Once the mind goes beyond the attachment and identification towards the selfless and impermanent function/existence of the physical body and the modification of the mind, then all kinds of ‘pleasant/unpleasant’ relationships/experiences/possessions/qualities of names and forms are just being what they are, neither meaningful nor meaningless, neither purposeful nor purposeless. There’s need not finding/having a ‘meaning/purpose of life existence’ in the worldly life and all that exist in it. Though one can ‘cherish’ all the good and happy moments/experiences with all and everyone that one loves and appreciates, but without clinging onto or labeling ‘this and that’ as meaningful or ‘this and that’ as the purpose of (my) life existence. It’s like watching ‘the loved ones’ or ‘the precious ones’ passing away one by one, while being aware of this is the truth of all existence of names and forms that are impermanent and selfless. It’s just whether the mind can make use of ‘this’ and ‘now’, the perception of a worldly life existence in this present moment to transcend ‘itself’, or ‘the thought current of a worldly existence of names and forms/objects of the senses’, or ‘the ignorance towards itself’.

One just makes use the physical body, the thinking mind, the knowledge, the learning, the education, the skills, the talents, the conditions and the opportunities to be doing something for oneself and others. Without the need of the ‘meaning/purpose of life existence’.

Above all, the one that needs to have the ‘meaning/purpose of life existence’ to feel good and meaningful to be existing, is the ego.

Ego, more than self-esteem, self-worth, pride and arrogance

In the world, ‘ego’ is mostly being interpreted as the quality of a prideful ambitious overly confident high self-esteemed and self-centered person who thinks and believes oneself possesses certain qualities or achievements that one and others would be proud of and should deserve respect, appreciation, acknowledgement, or glorification.

When people say, “He/She has a big/bad ego,” usually it refers to this is a proud and arrogant self-centered, self-obsessed, or overly confident and ambitious person that boasts and glorifies about one’s contributions or achievements.

When people say, “He/She doesn’t have an ego or he/she has a small/good ego,” usually it refers to this is a down to earth, humble and unselfish person, who keeps quiet about one’s contributions and achievements.

‘Ego’, is more than the reflection of self-esteem, self-worth, pride and arrogance of a person under the teachings of yoga and Buddhism. It’s not a quality to reflect whether a person is being arrogant and self-centered or being humble and non self-centered.

‘Ego’, is an idea of ‘I’ derived from ignorance and exists in the form of a continuous stream of thought-current in the thinking mind, that feeds on egoism, attached onto and identifies with certain qualities of names and forms to be existing as an individual being experiencing life, either enjoying pleasant/desirable/agreeable/joyful experiences or suffering unpleasant/undesirable/disagreeable/painful experiences, identifies as ‘the perceiver that perceives/experiences/thinks/feels’ and ‘the perceived names and forms of perceptions/experiences/thinking/feelings’ as well as ‘the performer of actions’ and ‘the receiver of the fruit of actions’, who desires and doesn’t desire, who agrees and disagrees, who fights and protects, who enjoys and suffers. It appears to be existing and real due to ignorance.

The ego exists and identifies/acknowledges itself as ‘I am good’ or ‘I am bad’, ‘I know’ or ‘I don’t know’, ‘I am confident’ and ‘I am not confident’, ‘I like, agree and desire’ or ‘I don’t like, don’t agree and don’t desire’, ‘I deserve’ or ‘I don’t deserve’, ‘I am proud’ or ‘I am humble’, ‘I am happy’ or ‘I am unhappy’, ‘I am positive’ or ‘I am negative’, ‘I am meaningful’ and ‘I am meaningless’, ‘I enjoy’ or ‘I suffer’, ‘I am selfish’ or ‘I am unselfish’, ‘I am highly confident, ambitious and self-centered’ or ‘I am non confident, non ambitious and non self-centered’, and etc.

The end of yoga or Buddhism practice, is upon the annihilation of the modification of the mind or restless thought-currents, when the veil of ignorance vanished, where the mind sees itself as it is, attaining Self-realization, or knowing thyself, or knowing who ‘I’ am, where the annihilation of the ego/the idea of ‘I’, or the realization of selflessness/egolessness/’I’lessness takes place, transcending ‘the wheel of births and deaths of the egoistic impure consciousness powered by ignorance and the by-products of ignorance that generates ceaseless cause and effect/good and bad karma that feeds the loop of births and deaths of ignorance and the by-products of that’, ‘returning’ to oneness, non-separateness, namelessness, formlessness, attributelessness, birthlessness, deathlessness, void of/untouched by cause and effect/good or bad karma/merits and virtues.

It’s not about trying to be as ‘good’ as possible, where a ‘soul/mind’ will be judged as a ‘good or bad soul/mind’ upon the death of the physical body based on accumulated virtues and merits or good/bad karma, either to be sent to ‘heaven’ or ‘hell’ or ‘somewhere in between’, or to be reborn into respective higher or lower realm of beings experiencing life existence via the mind perceiving pleasant/unpleasant names and forms through the senses that are all subject to impermanence and selflessness, to be continuously ‘ignorantly’/’helplessly’/’unwittingly’ generating further ceaseless good/bad actions along with the consequences of actions, or cause and effect, or good/bad karma, that keeps fueling the wheel of restless births and deaths (restless transitions of life existence reaping the fruit of good/bad actions) that is subject to impermanence and selflessness, regardless of good or bad, desirable or undesirable, enjoyable or sufferable transitions.

Forgo the momentary ‘pleasantness’, ‘happiness’, ‘meaningfulness’ or ‘goodness’ of a conditional fleeting worldly life existence of restless selfless transitions. Even so called ‘heaven’ or ‘higher realms’ are impermanent transitions reaping the fruit of ‘good’ actions. It’s not liberation at all. Know thyself, the beginningless and endless infinite silent witness of all impermanent and selfless transitions.

The ego constant acts and reacts to create a condition or a world that ‘I’ desires, based on the endless desire of craving (What I want) and aversion (What I don’t want). The silent witness neither act or react nor there’s an ‘I’ aspiring/desiring to create a condition or a world that ‘I’ desires. There’s neither “I will be or I am missing all the people of family and friends, or names and forms of the objects of the senses/qualities/conditions/things/actions/enjoyments/pets/places/realms/world that I love very much.” where only the very few dispassionate ones can go beyond all the worldly connections/relationships/names and forms transcending all kinds of worldly social/cultural/spiritual/religious thinking and belief, actions and achievements (the fruit of actions).

“The knowledge of the Self, or Self-realization, or the annihilation of the mind, or Samadhi, is the only way to be free from the wheel of births and deaths.” as taught by Swami Sivananda.

Non-duality in silence

‘Silence’ is a very common yet important word/teaching/practice/observation/realization in yoga and Buddhism.

In silence, there’s neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither meaningfulness nor meaninglessness, neither enjoyment nor suffering, neither satisfaction nor dissatisfaction, neither attachment nor non-attachment, and so on. What and who is there to be arguing/complaining/moaning/mourning/unhappy/angry/disturbed/offended/hurt/belittled/disrespected/suffering/enjoying/craving/liberated in silence?

As long as the mind is still being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking, ideas, beliefs, values and practice to act and react ceaselessly towards all the perceptions of names and forms (of agreeable/disagreeable, pleasant/unpleasant, desirable/undesirable experiences), and is functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism, the mind couldn’t go beyond the mind perception of names and forms that generates the impression of duality, which doesn’t allow the mind to see the truth of things as it is.

And hence, the importance of renunciation from worldly affairs/family ties/relationships/connections/interactions/activities and observation of seclusion and solitude for a certain period of time when the mind is ready, to free the mind from being conditioned by worldly thinking, ideas, beliefs, values and practice unwittingly, where the understanding of the mind is being influenced by the subjective judgment towards everything based on a particular thinking and belief that conditioning how the mind analyzes, judges, feels, acts and reacts, where the mind is being ignorant towards the ignorance and egoism in the mind, even if the mind is being highly knowledgeable, super intelligent, talented and skillful in doing something or many things in the world, and having the good intention to be doing something good.

Being highly knowledgeable, super intelligent, talented and skillful, and having the good intention to be doing something good, also doesn’t guarantee that the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, and hence, unwittingly be disturbed or determined by the mind perception of names and forms through the senses of what the mind sees, hears, smells, tastes, senses/feels and thinks/understands, where the mind is unwittingly being over-powered by the passionate desires of craving and aversion towards the different qualities of names and forms that the mind likes and dislikes, agrees and disagrees with, wants and doesn’t want based on a particular thinking/belief/values/practice, that generates and determines the sense of satisfaction/dissatisfaction, happiness/unhappiness, goodness/badness, positiveness/negativeness, meaningfulness/meaninglessness, rightfulness/wrongfulness, completeness/incompleteness, accomplishment/non-accomplishment, appropriateness/inappropriateness, unloneliness/loneliness, worthiness/unworthiness, pleasurable enjoyment/painful suffering, and so on. The mind is not free.

It’s everyone’s freedom whether they think there’s a need to free the mind from ignorance and the by-products of ignorance, or not. The minds that are ignorant towards the ignorance in the mind, they don’t think there’s a need to be free from ignorance, and that’s their freedom of thinking and action. There’s nothing wrong if the mind perceives/experiences suffering but it doesn’t think there’s a need to be free from the cause of suffering. Some minds are aware of suffering and knowing its nature of impermanence, and be unattached towards the perception of suffering, or it hasn’t get tired of restlessness while enjoying momentary satisfaction derived from the gratification of its passionate desire of craving and aversion, or prefer to be getting momentary relief from suffering through taking drugs/substances and getting help/sympathy/love/support/attention from others, and it doesn’t think there’s a need to be free from suffering.

Only the dispassionate ones who are aware of ignorance and the by-products of ignorance, can understand the greatness of liberation from ignorance, the root cause of suffering/restlessness, and would have intense yearning for liberation and be determined to silent the restless modification of the mind to transcend the selfless existence and function of the restless egoistic impure modification of the mind derived from ignorance.

Unfortunately, majority of the society (including yoga enthusiasts and health professionals), where the minds are not free from ignorance and egoism, where the minds think, behave, analyze, judge, act, react and live life in a particular way according to what the worldly egoistic social/cultural/religious thinking/belief/values/practice categorized as ‘normal’, ‘right’, ‘good’, ‘healthy’ or ‘sane’, they would think/believe/categorize/condemn human beings who think/behave/act/react/life life differently from the ‘normal’ human beings, who don’t think, behave, act, react and live life like the majority of the society are ‘abnormal’, ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘unhealthy’, ‘insane’ or ‘mentally ill’. There would be strong criticism or disagreement coming from the majority of the society of family/friends/relatives/community/health professionals towards the practice of silence as they can’t perceive/understand beyond what their minds know/believe and are being ignorant towards their minds are being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking and belief to think, believe, act, react and behave in certain ways.

Only those who are determined to free the mind from ignorance and the by-products of ignorance where the mind is functioning under the influence of worldly egoistic thinking/belief/values/practice/action/reaction to think, act, react, behave and live life in a particular way that the worldly minded egoistic society think and believe as something normal/right/good/healthy/sane for all human beings, can renounce the world effortlessly regardless of any amount of difficulties and obstacles. In the past, Siddhartha Gautama Buddha and many other saints and sages ‘had to’ renounce/retreat from the society to be in seclusion and solitude for many years, to be able to ‘conquer’ the restless modifications of the mind and successfully attained Silence or liberation, not to say in this era.

Disturbed / hurt by remembering / thinking about past unpleasant experiences

Minds that feel being disturbed or hurt by ‘something’ that is being perceived/acknowledged as ‘hurtful’, ‘wrongful’, ‘bad’, ‘disturbing’, or ‘undeserving’, they are actually being disturbed or hurt by the remembrance towards the perceived names and forms that doesn’t exist in NOW, unwittingly attached onto the perceived names and forms (past experiences in the form of memories), being determined by the past memories as well as keep feeding these memories to keep them ‘alive’ to be shadowing/haunting the mind repeatedly in NOW.

The past is not just about whatever happened some time ago.

What is here in NOW is constantly changing/passing away and instantly becoming part of the past memory that is made up of a continuous chain of countless pieces of thoughts/images.

For example, maybe someone says and does something that is hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing to this person (this mind) in this present moment NOW.

The mind immediately processes this experience and will analyze and assert, “This is something hurtful/wrongful/disturbing that I or anyone don’t deserve to be experiencing.” and react with “I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this.” and by the time the mind is analyzing and asserting about ‘this experience’, ‘this experience’ is already beyond NOW being stored as part of the memory. But somehow, the mind will continuously feel disturbed and hurt by the continuous remembrance of “This is something hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing that I or anyone don’t deserve to be experiencing.” and continuously react with “I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this.” Even when ‘this experience’ that instantly becomes ‘that experience’ which existed moment/seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years ago, that doesn’t exist in the NOW, and even when the memory starts to fade away and changed into some blurred images that are not exactly what it really was as it happened, the mind will still be disturbed and hurt by the remembrance towards ‘the disturb/hurt reacted towards that experience’.

It’s always, “You/They did this.” or “You/They said that.” This is truly unnecessary. Imagine if someone is completely forgetful about everything or has no function of memory to be remembering anything, what is there to disturb or hurt this mind?

It’s not about erasing one’s memories to be free from disturbs or hurts coming from continuously remembering the past experiences that the mind perceived as ‘disturbing’/’hurtful’/’wrongful’/’bad’, but it’s developing the ability of ‘non-attachment’ to be unattached/non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion towards all the thought/emotion activities in NOW perceiving all the pleasant/unpleasant names and forms or desirable/undesirable experiences, and all that is being stored as part of the memory that constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW.

If the mind is always being in the NOW, without attachment towards what is NOW and beyond NOW (memories or imaginations), being aware of but without attachment/clinging towards any thought/emotion activities of the mind as well as the pleasant/unpleasant memories/images constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW, then this mind won’t be disturbed or hurt by anything at all, not even being disturbed by what is happening NOW or the constant flashback of memories of the past thought/emotion activities perceiving all kinds of pleasant or unpleasant, agreeable or disagreeable, desirable or undesirable names and forms.

The real practice of non-attachment, is not about having very few or zero things/objects/relationships/enjoyments in life, or ignoring/neglecting one’s duty/responsibility and do nothing to improve, but it’s about non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion/non-judgment/non-expectation towards what is going on in the thinking mind (the modifications of the mind), of whatever the mind perceives in NOW and all that beyond NOW (memories and imaginations), allowing all the pleasant/unpleasant, agreeable/disagreeable, desirable/undesirable names and forms being there as they are and ceaselessly changing as they are, arising and passing away as they are.

Go beyond the worldly thinking and belief about “Life has to be in certain ways and people must behave in certain ways to live a good, happy, joyful and meaningful life, or else life is not good, happy, joyful or meaningful.” Life is just what it is. It doesn’t has to be in certain ways and people don’t have to behave in certain ways, while life doesn’t need to be good, happy, joyful and meaningful the way that the mind thinks and believes what is good/happy/joyful/meaningful. Life is neither good nor bad, neither happy nor unhappy, neither joyful nor joyless, neither meaningful nor meaningless.

Whether one is practicing yoga, or not, is not determined by whether one is doing some ‘yoga practice’ in the form of Pranayama, Asana, Yamas, Niyamas, Kriyas, Japa/Kirtan and etc, or not, but it’s whether there is attachment towards the modifications of the mind, or not. If there’s attachment, there’s no peace. Peace is there as it is, in the absence of attachment.

Be free.

By-products of the thinking mind

Due to the function of the physical body processing all the physical inputs, there are some by-products (waste products), such as pleasant/unpleasant sensations, sweat, carbon dioxide, dead skin/tissues, pee and shit, and etc.

Similarly, upon the thinking mind processing all the mind inputs, there are also by-products, such as egoism, all kinds of impurity, emotions, feelings, actions, reactions and the consequences of action/reaction, and so on.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s the physical body and its by-products, or it’s the mind and its by-products, they all are impermanent and selfless. And they are not ‘I’.

Learn to be aware of the impermanent changes of the physical body and its by-products as well as the impermanent thinking mind and its by-products (all the mental/emotional modifications/activities), without attachment, identification, craving/aversion, judgment, comparison, or expectation. Allowing all these impermanent and selfless names and forms to be there as they are, arising and passing away.

Due to the function of the physical body, the body processes the food/liquid after eating/drinking, while the by-products of that, of sweat/pee/shit being generated has to be ‘letting go’, and one would just let them go and clean up the sweat/pee/shit and the body by oneself, to maintain personal and public hygiene and cleanliness, to help lower the risk of contracting or spreading diseases/illnesses in oneself and others in the surrounding environment. More importantly, when someone is sweating, peeing or shitting, one doesn’t need anyone being there accompanying/watching/listening or to help to clean up the waste products and the body, unless it’s a small infant/child or adult that is physically dependent on others for handling such matters. And there’s nothing wrong if someone wants to ask help from others for handling such matters, even when one is capable to handle it by oneself.

Similarly, due to the function of the thinking mind, the thinking mind processes all the mind inputs, while the by-products of that, of actions/reactions/emotions/feelings/the consequences of action and reaction being generated that need to be ‘letting go’. The mind would just let them go and ‘clean up’ the mind by itself, to maintain personal and public peace and harmony, to help minimize causing ‘disturbs’/’damages’ to itself and others in the surrounding space. When the mind is processing all these mental/emotional modifications/activities of the mind (the by-products of the thinking mind), it doesn’t need anyone being there accompanying/watching/listening or to help to ‘clean up’ the mind, unless it’s a mind that is mentally/emotionally dependent/disabled, whether due to genetic inheritance, sickness or injury. Though there’s nothing wrong if someone wants to ask help from others for dealing with such matters, even when one is capable to deal with it by oneself.

All the food, drinks and oxygen being consumed by the physical body and the by-products of all the sweat, carbon dioxide, pee and shit etc, are not ‘I’.

Similarly, all the mind inputs and the by-products of all the mental/emotional modifications/activities, are not ‘I’.

There’s no ‘I’ that can be found before/during/after the existence/function of this physical body and the thinking mind.

Infants/children can be trained to be physically independent as they grow up day by day, so does the mind can be trained to be mentally/emotionally independent. Yoga and meditation practice can transform the mind if being done with the correct understanding, perseverance and determination. Unfortunately, most minds are being ‘conditioned’/’educated’ by the worldly egoistic society to think and believe that all minds (human or living beings) must depend on ‘something/someone else’ mentally/emotionally. Quite many yoga practitioners/teachers also think and believe that all human beings need to be there for one another to look after one another mentally/emotionally all the time, or else, it’s so sad, terrible, lonely, helpless, joyless and meaningless, if one is being alone by oneself.

Do a self-check on whether the mind is being conditioned/educated to think and believe in certain way, such as, “Being alone, living alone, walking alone, eating alone, doing things alone, or solving problems alone by oneself is so sad, terrible, lonely, helpless, joyless and meaningless.” Most minds will say ‘yes’. But how true is that? It’s not necessarily so. Although people don’t necessary have to be alone by oneself, but minds that are mentally/emotionally independent have no problem/difficulty being alone, living alone, walking alone, eating alone, doing things alone, or solving problems alone by oneself, and are happy and peaceful as it is.

Look after this mind, before it’s too late where it really needs to depend on others/substances to be able to function/think/behave properly.

Be free.

Broken /complicated relationship involving third party?

Broken/complicated relationship involving third party is not something uncommon nowadays.

There might be different kinds of situation exist in any relationship. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation, most people would think and believe and expect that two people should commit themselves to be loyal and faithful towards one another being in a ‘committed’ relationship, if oneself has no sincerity to be ‘committed’ and ‘faithful’ in a relationship, then just don’t get into a relationship with anyone, as whether wittingly or unwittingly, oneself will cause ‘hurts’ to the other person in the relationship with oneself. But in many relationships, two people have love for each other in the beginning, and want to be in a relationship together, but after some time, the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or is not there anymore, where they don’t feel love towards the partner anymore, and either they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or they would want to look for the ‘feeling of love’ in other love affairs/relationships with other people.

For example, A and B is in a so called ‘committed’ relationship, while B is also having an open or secret love affair/relationship with C.

In such relationship that involved ‘third party’, most people would think that A is the ‘victim’, while B and C are the ‘selfish and immoral’ bad people that are hurting A. A should deserved sympathy and support from others, while B and C should be blamed and condemned for being ‘selfish and immoral and hurtful’. But for those who understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, no one is being a ‘victim’ and no one is being ‘selfish/immoral/hurtful’ bad people in a broken/complicated relationship.

There’s neither right nor wrong in ‘love relationship’ even if it’s ‘broken’, whether with or without involving third party. It’s just a relationship didn’t turn out to be the way that most people desire/expect it to be, as well as there’s no ‘love’ in such relationship. And there’s nothing wrong if there’s no ‘love’, or an expected relationship is non-existing, or a relationship is discontinued, for any reason.

If there’s love in the relationship, the relationship won’t be broken/damaged, it’s either a relationship that continues or discontinued/came to an end, due to any reason, in peace. If there’s love from oneself towards the partner, one will have loving kindness, self-control and decency to not commit in any behavior that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner in the relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Even if there’s ‘feeling of love’ in the relationship in the beginning, and the ‘feeling of love’ is impermanent, it will change and disappear. But, if there’s love, then even though sometimes the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or not there anymore, one will still be kind to the partner in the relationship with oneself, and would not behave in the way that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner, not because of the sense of ‘commitment’ or ‘obligation’ towards a ‘committed’ relationship, but out of loving kindness.

There’s nothing wrong either if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry thinking and believing oneself is being ‘a victim’ of other people’s unloving/unfaithful/hurtful/immoral behavior. Everyone has the rights and freedom to feel what they want to feel and react the way that they want to react. But then, one must also understand that if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry, it’s because one doesn’t really love the partner as he/she is, one only loves one’s desire and expectation towards the partner and the relationship has to be in certain ways. One has desire and expectation towards the relationship and the partner to be in certain way, and when things turn out to be not the way that one desires or expects, when one is getting something that one doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with, and when one is losing what one likes (the relationship and the partner being in certain ways that one desires it to be), or what one likes (the perfect faithful loving partner/relationship) is no longer available, or is ‘disturbed’, or has changed into something else, that’s why one feels hurt/disappointed/angry. It’s not because the partner or the relationship is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ that cause the ‘hurts/disappointment/anger’ in oneself, but, it’s because one doesn’t love the partner as he/she is, but only loves what one likes/desires/expects.

It’s how everyone/human beings/the untrained egoistic minds react towards ‘ungratified desires’ of “This is not what I like and want and expect.”, or “I am not getting what I like and want, but I’m getting what I don’t like and don’t want.” or “This is something wrong/bad/hurtful/undeserving happening to me.”

If there’s correct understanding towards ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, then there would be no hard/hurtful/bitter feelings where people can let go the relationship in peace, one won’t see oneself as ‘a victim of the unfaithfulness/betrayal of the partner in a broken relationship’ or ‘a victim of the intrusion of the lover of one’s partner that causes my relationship to be broken’. And there’s no blame or condemn towards the partner and the lover that they should be guilty for being ‘the selfish bad people that cause this relationship to be broken/damaged’.

This is really nothing to do with whether the partner and his/her lover in the love affair/relationship are being ‘selfish’, ‘unfaithful’, ‘disloyal’, ‘immoral’, ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, or not. It’s about how oneself thinks, understands, feels and reacts being in such situation, where one’s partner is involved in a love affair/relationship with another person.

If a person would commit in a love affair/relationship with another person other than the one in a relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly, it indicates that this person doesn’t really ‘love’ the partner. He/she loves it’s desire for satisfaction. When he/she is not satisfied with his/her partner, when he/she is not getting what it desires/expects from the partner, he/she will be looking for something/someone else to gratify its desire for satisfaction, love, passion, pleasure, interaction, or lust. And that’s common ‘human’s nature’, or the normal behavior of the untrained minds under the influence of desires.

Everyone has the rights or freedom whether they want to love anyone, or don’t want to love anyone, or stop loving someone, or having too much ‘feeling of love’ that needs to be shared with many people at the same time, or want to be in many different love affairs/relationships at one time, or whether they are satisfied/dissatisfied being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody.

If one truly loves the partner in the relationship with oneself, one will love this person as he/she is, even if the partner doesn’t love oneself, or stop loving oneself, or being ‘the god/goddess of love’ who needs to ‘love’ as many people as possible. One doesn’t need to be in a relationship with this person, to possess this person to be mine. One doesn’t expect this person to be faithful and loyal, or expect the love from this person doesn’t change, or won’t disappear, or ‘should be for me only’. One allows this person to have or don’t have the ‘feeling of love’ for oneself, or stop loving oneself, or doesn’t love oneself, or prefer to love and be with someone else. One can let go the person that doesn’t love oneself, or let go a relationship that doesn’t have ‘love’ or couldn’t continue, in peace, and allow this person to love and be with other people that he/she loves.

One won’t feel hurt/disappointed/angry towards the partner who doesn’t love oneself or towards the relationship that is not the way that how most people would like it to be. Because if the partner loves oneself, then there’s no need any expectation from oneself, without the sense of obligation to be committed and be faithful in a relationship with oneself, but out of loving kindness towards oneself, he/she will have self-control and decency, where he/she will not do anything that would cause ‘hurts’ or ‘damages’ to oneself or this relationship, not even behind one’s knowledge, regardless of whether there’s the ‘feeling of love’ existing, or not. One would know how to ‘keep a respectful distance’ with others who have the tendency to ‘fall in love’ with oneself, as one doesn’t need to look for satisfaction in ‘love affairs/relationships’.

One cannot expect ‘love’ from anyone, but allowing others whether to ‘love’ oneself, or not. One cannot expect how other people should love oneself or behave in a relationship, but allowing others to love us the way as they are. There’s no such thing as “Once you love me and being in a ‘committed’ relationship with me, you will have to be forever faithful and loyal to me, and loving me only.” And if, one realizes that the partner doesn’t love oneself, one can choose to continue or let go the relationship, in peace, without bitterness. There’s neither right nor wrong, either way.

There’s even no need of ‘forgiveness’, if one truly loves the partner as he/she is, even if the partner is being unfaithful, as one is undisturbed/unhurt by the partner’s ‘unfaithfulness’ at all, but would let go of him/her and the relationship. One doesn’t feel bad about oneself or thinking that one is not good enough, if the partner doesn’t love oneself, if one knows love.

Unfortunately, many people couldn’t let go in peace, and be disturbed by hard/hurtful/bitter/angry feelings that doesn’t help to make things better, and might do things that hurt oneself or the partner and the people whom the partner loves.

There’s nothing wrong if one realizes that oneself doesn’t love the partner, and one should be honest and straightforward to let this person knows that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t feel love for you.” or “I don’t want to be with you in a relationship.” or “I want to be with someone else.” This honesty won’t hurt, if people are matured enough to understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’. But it would cause deeper ‘hurts/disappointment/anger/hatred’ by being untruthful to oneself and the partner, pretending that one loves the partner very much, but in truth, one doesn’t love the partner, and one won’t be satisfied being with that partner, and would try to find satisfaction in some other love affairs/relationships with other lovers. People who are matured enough would let go the person whom they love very much to be with the people whom this person loves, in peace. That’s love.

When two people don’t hurt one another out of dissatisfaction/disappointment/anger/hurts, then even though there’s no ‘feeling of love’ from one or both of them, or they are not in a relationship, that’s love. Where/what is love, if one or two people keep hurting each other out of feeling of hurts/anger/disappointment being in a relationship that is not the way that they like it to be?

If people are not matured enough to accept ‘honesty’ or ‘the truth’ in peace, when people whom they think they love very much are being honest and straightforward telling them that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” or “I want to love and be with someone else.”, then it’s their own responsibility if they don’t like that honesty or the truth, and react with feeling hurt/disappointed/angry for losing what they like and want, or not getting what they like and want, but getting what they don’t like and don’t want. And this relationship won’t be peaceful and harmony anyway, even if they continue to be in a relationship, because they don’t really love whom they think they love very much. There will be lots of ‘tension’ and ‘unhappiness’ derived from ‘ungratified desires’ and ‘expectation’ in this relationship all the time.

Be free, to love or be loved, or not.

A better meaningful way of life?

For many people, spending most of the time being with other people (family, friends, community and other communities), focusing on bonding, socializing, interacting, connecting, sharing, knowing, eating, drinking, talking, listening, looking, laughing, playing, empowering, encouraging, aspiring, inspiring, remembering, projecting, anticipating, expecting, creating, planning, plotting, suggesting, contributing, commenting, complimenting, criticizing, gossiping, complaining, entertaining, enjoying, doing social/community activities together, upgrading their quality of life/standard of living, fulfilling passionate desires and achieving personal worldly ambitions and spiritual or religious goals, getting involve with achieving a world that complies to a particular vision, to attain the sense of in control, satisfaction, goodness and meaningfulness, is living life. For them, “This is a better meaningful way of life.”

For some people, being by oneself most of the time, as much as possible, focusing on one’s action, practice, duty and responsibility, talk less or talk nothing, without commenting on worldly affairs, or gossiping about other people’s affairs, or criticizing/interfering with other people’s different ways of life, thinking, belief, action and reaction, minding one’s life and one’s mind, being at peace unconditionally, respecting everyone being what they are, as they are, neither admiring/praising certain qualities that appear to be superior than others nor condemning/criticizing certain qualities that appear to be inferior than others, and stop contributing impurities, unhappiness, unrest, anger, hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, grudges, conflicts, discrimination, violence, disharmony and disturbance into the surrounding environment or the world, is living life. As for them, having peace in one’s mind free from desire/hostility/animosity/fear/intimidation/offensiveness/defensiveness is the highest form of contribution to the society or the world peace. It’s nothing to do with “This is a better meaningful way of life.” or “Other ways of life is less good and meaningless.”

There’s nothing selfish about that at all, though for many people, the part of ‘not mingling/mixing with the society without getting involve in any form of social activities’ might appear to be ‘selfish’ or ‘rude’ or ‘unhealthy’ or ‘non-progressive’ for those who believe in a better world is about ‘all human beings should be getting involve with the social activities’, ‘community contribution’ and ‘worldly activism’, where they need as many other people as possible to get involve in their social activities to be supporting, cooperating or working with them to create a ‘better’ world that they think how it should be.

Whether wittingly or unwittingly, there will be some people would want to interfere with others who are different from them, whom they dislike and disagree with, and they would try to influence/control/covert/discipline/condemn/punish other people who don’t support or follow their vision for creating a world that they desire, that complies to their liking, values, vision, thinking and belief.

Yoga and meditation practitioners is about having unconditional peace in oneself as contributing peace into the world by focusing on looking after, purifying and quieting one’s mind, and it’s never about trying to influence/control/convert/discipline/condemn/punish others to also be like oneself to make a ‘better’ world that complies to one’s liking, values, vision, thinking or belief, especially those who have realized Impermanence and Selflessness.

The world doesn’t belong to anyone. Many people would think and believe that the world belongs to everyone, and hence, it’s everyone’s duty and responsibility to ‘cooperate together’ to make the world ‘a better place’, but how true is that? The standard and meaning of ‘a better place’ is according to whom and what? Different people desire a world with their own particular way of life according to their own liking, values, vision, thinking and belief. If everyone insist on making the world to be the way that they desire, that they think how it should be, what will happen in the world? People are getting frustrated and fighting against one another, to over-powered one another, in order to create a world that they desire. Even so, it’s everyone’s freedom for their thinking, belief, desire, action and the consequences of their action.

Swami Sivananda taught, “Even if all the leaders are taken out of the world now, the world will run on smoothly, probably more smoothly. Even if all the people retire into the forest, the world will go on.”

The world is so quiet and peaceful when everyone have gone to sleep and there’s nobody performing any actions in the world with the great aspiration to make the world to be in any particular way that different people desire and think how it should be.

In yoga, it’s not about the sense of duty and responsibility towards the world, but out of compassion, love the world as it is, not necessarily the way that ‘I’ desire it to be. One doesn’t claim possession/ownership towards the world being ambitious to make the world to be the way that ‘I’ desire it to be and the way that ‘I’ think how it should be. One just do one’s best to look after one’s mind, to stop contributing impurities and unrest into the world, and respecting the law of nature – Impermanence and Selflessness.

Be free.