Broken /complicated relationship involving third party?

Broken/complicated relationship involving third party is not something uncommon nowadays.

There might be different kinds of situation exist in any relationship. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation, most people would think and believe and expect that two people should commit themselves to be loyal and faithful towards one another being in a ‘committed’ relationship, if oneself has no sincerity to be ‘committed’ and ‘faithful’ in a relationship, then just don’t get into a relationship with anyone, as whether wittingly or unwittingly, oneself will cause ‘hurts’ to the other person in the relationship with oneself. But in many relationships, two people have love for each other in the beginning, and want to be in a relationship together, but after some time, the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or is not there anymore, where they don’t feel love towards the partner anymore, and either they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or they would want to look for the ‘feeling of love’ in other love affairs/relationships with other people.

For example, A and B is in a so called ‘committed’ relationship, while B is also having an open or secret love affair/relationship with C.

In such relationship that involved ‘third party’, most people would think that A is the ‘victim’, while B and C are the ‘selfish and immoral’ bad people that are hurting A. A should deserved sympathy and support from others, while B and C should be blamed and condemned for being ‘selfish and immoral and hurtful’. But for those who understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, no one is being a ‘victim’ and no one is being ‘selfish/immoral/hurtful’ bad people in a broken/complicated relationship.

There’s neither right nor wrong in ‘love relationship’ even if it’s ‘broken’, whether with or without involving third party. It’s just a relationship didn’t turn out to be the way that most people desire/expect it to be, as well as there’s no ‘love’ in such relationship. And there’s nothing wrong if there’s no ‘love’, or an expected relationship is non-existing, or a relationship is discontinued, for any reason.

If there’s love in the relationship, the relationship won’t be broken/damaged, it’s either a relationship that continues or discontinued/came to an end, due to any reason, in peace. If there’s love from oneself towards the partner, one will have loving kindness, self-control and decency to not commit in any behavior that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner in the relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Even if there’s ‘feeling of love’ in the relationship in the beginning, and the ‘feeling of love’ is impermanent, it will change and disappear. But, if there’s love, then even though sometimes the ‘feeling of love’ is less, or not there anymore, one will still be kind to the partner in the relationship with oneself, and would not behave in the way that would be ‘hurtful’ to the partner, not because of the sense of ‘commitment’ or ‘obligation’ towards a ‘committed’ relationship, but out of loving kindness.

There’s nothing wrong either if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry thinking and believing oneself is being ‘a victim’ of other people’s unloving/unfaithful/hurtful/immoral behavior. Everyone has the rights and freedom to feel what they want to feel and react the way that they want to react. But then, one must also understand that if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry, it’s because one doesn’t really love the partner as he/she is, one only loves one’s desire and expectation towards the partner and the relationship has to be in certain ways. One has desire and expectation towards the relationship and the partner to be in certain way, and when things turn out to be not the way that one desires or expects, when one is getting something that one doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with, and when one is losing what one likes (the relationship and the partner being in certain ways that one desires it to be), or what one likes (the perfect faithful loving partner/relationship) is no longer available, or is ‘disturbed’, or has changed into something else, that’s why one feels hurt/disappointed/angry. It’s not because the partner or the relationship is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ that cause the ‘hurts/disappointment/anger’ in oneself, but, it’s because one doesn’t love the partner as he/she is, but only loves what one likes/desires/expects.

It’s how everyone/human beings/the untrained egoistic minds react towards ‘ungratified desires’ of “This is not what I like and want and expect.”, or “I am not getting what I like and want, but I’m getting what I don’t like and don’t want.” or “This is something wrong/bad/hurtful/undeserving happening to me.”

If there’s correct understanding towards ‘love’ and ‘relationship’, then there would be no hard/hurtful/bitter feelings where people can let go the relationship in peace, one won’t see oneself as ‘a victim of the unfaithfulness/betrayal of the partner in a broken relationship’ or ‘a victim of the intrusion of the lover of one’s partner that causes my relationship to be broken’. And there’s no blame or condemn towards the partner and the lover that they should be guilty for being ‘the selfish bad people that cause this relationship to be broken/damaged’.

This is really nothing to do with whether the partner and his/her lover in the love affair/relationship are being ‘selfish’, ‘unfaithful’, ‘disloyal’, ‘immoral’, ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, or not. It’s about how oneself thinks, understands, feels and reacts being in such situation, where one’s partner is involved in a love affair/relationship with another person.

If a person would commit in a love affair/relationship with another person other than the one in a relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly, it indicates that this person doesn’t really ‘love’ the partner. He/she loves it’s desire for satisfaction. When he/she is not satisfied with his/her partner, when he/she is not getting what it desires/expects from the partner, he/she will be looking for something/someone else to gratify its desire for satisfaction, love, passion, pleasure, interaction, or lust. And that’s common ‘human’s nature’, or the normal behavior of the untrained minds under the influence of desires.

Everyone has the rights or freedom whether they want to love anyone, or don’t want to love anyone, or stop loving someone, or having too much ‘feeling of love’ that needs to be shared with many people at the same time, or want to be in many different love affairs/relationships at one time, or whether they are satisfied/dissatisfied being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody.

If one truly loves the partner in the relationship with oneself, one will love this person as he/she is, even if the partner doesn’t love oneself, or stop loving oneself, or being ‘the god/goddess of love’ who needs to ‘love’ as many people as possible. One doesn’t need to be in a relationship with this person, to possess this person to be mine. One doesn’t expect this person to be faithful and loyal, or expect the love from this person doesn’t change, or won’t disappear, or ‘should be for me only’. One allows this person to have or don’t have the ‘feeling of love’ for oneself, or stop loving oneself, or doesn’t love oneself, or prefer to love and be with someone else. One can let go the person that doesn’t love oneself, or let go a relationship that doesn’t have ‘love’ or couldn’t continue, in peace, and allow this person to love and be with other people that he/she loves.

One won’t feel hurt/disappointed/angry towards the partner who doesn’t love oneself or towards the relationship that is not the way that how most people would like it to be. Because if the partner loves oneself, then there’s no need any expectation from oneself, without the sense of obligation to be committed and be faithful in a relationship with oneself, but out of loving kindness towards oneself, he/she will have self-control and decency, where he/she will not do anything that would cause ‘hurts’ or ‘damages’ to oneself or this relationship, not even behind one’s knowledge, regardless of whether there’s the ‘feeling of love’ existing, or not. One would know how to ‘keep a respectful distance’ with others who have the tendency to ‘fall in love’ with oneself, as one doesn’t need to look for satisfaction in ‘love affairs/relationships’.

One cannot expect ‘love’ from anyone, but allowing others whether to ‘love’ oneself, or not. One cannot expect how other people should love oneself or behave in a relationship, but allowing others to love us the way as they are. There’s no such thing as “Once you love me and being in a ‘committed’ relationship with me, you will have to be forever faithful and loyal to me, and loving me only.” And if, one realizes that the partner doesn’t love oneself, one can choose to continue or let go the relationship, in peace, without bitterness. There’s neither right nor wrong, either way.

There’s even no need of ‘forgiveness’, if one truly loves the partner as he/she is, even if the partner is being unfaithful, as one is undisturbed/unhurt by the partner’s ‘unfaithfulness’ at all, but would let go of him/her and the relationship. One doesn’t feel bad about oneself or thinking that one is not good enough, if the partner doesn’t love oneself, if one knows love.

Unfortunately, many people couldn’t let go in peace, and be disturbed by hard/hurtful/bitter/angry feelings that doesn’t help to make things better, and might do things that hurt oneself or the partner and the people whom the partner loves.

There’s nothing wrong if one realizes that oneself doesn’t love the partner, and one should be honest and straightforward to let this person knows that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t feel love for you.” or “I don’t want to be with you in a relationship.” or “I want to be with someone else.” This honesty won’t hurt, if people are matured enough to understand ‘love’ and ‘relationship’. But it would cause deeper ‘hurts/disappointment/anger/hatred’ by being untruthful to oneself and the partner, pretending that one loves the partner very much, but in truth, one doesn’t love the partner, and one won’t be satisfied being with that partner, and would try to find satisfaction in some other love affairs/relationships with other lovers. People who are matured enough would let go the person whom they love very much to be with the people whom this person loves, in peace. That’s love.

When two people don’t hurt one another out of dissatisfaction/disappointment/anger/hurts, then even though there’s no ‘feeling of love’ from one or both of them, or they are not in a relationship, that’s love. Where/what is love, if one or two people keep hurting each other out of feeling of hurts/anger/disappointment being in a relationship that is not the way that they like it to be?

If people are not matured enough to accept ‘honesty’ or ‘the truth’ in peace, when people whom they think they love very much are being honest and straightforward telling them that “I don’t love you.” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” or “I want to love and be with someone else.”, then it’s their own responsibility if they don’t like that honesty or the truth, and react with feeling hurt/disappointed/angry for losing what they like and want, or not getting what they like and want, but getting what they don’t like and don’t want. And this relationship won’t be peaceful and harmony anyway, even if they continue to be in a relationship, because they don’t really love whom they think they love very much. There will be lots of ‘tension’ and ‘unhappiness’ derived from ‘ungratified desires’ and ‘expectation’ in this relationship all the time.

Be free, to love or be loved, or not.

Be free from craving for love

Some feel hurt when they think there’s no one love them. Some feel hurt when they think they love someone whom they don’t really love. Some feel hurt when they are loved by someone who doesn’t really love them. Some feel hurt when they aren’t getting the love that they want. Some feel hurt when they are losing the love that they like. No matter what, people will feel hurt, whether they want to love someone, or they want to be loved by someone.

There’s nothing wrong with ‘love’. People say ‘love’ hurts and advise other people not to love, if they don’t want hurt. This is incorrect understanding.

It’s the desires of craving towards ‘love’ and the aversion towards ‘love-less’, and the expectation towards how ‘love’ should be like, is why people feel hurt, or lonely, dissatisfied, disappointed, unhappy, depressed, meaningless, miserable, or suffer, when they want to love or be loved by someone.

Realize what is ‘love’ and learn how to love, is yoga.

Be free from craving for love, whether from family, love relationship, friendship, community, or any other forms of beings and objects of names and forms.

When the mind is free from craving for love, there is peace, it doesn’t matter one is loving someone, or not, and whether one is loved by someone, or not.

Love dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally

Whether the past experiences were something good or not good, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or unhappy, desirable or undesirable, let them go.

Whether the future will be okay or not okay, let it be.

Do our best, perform all our duties and responsibilities without forcing ourselves beyond our limitation, and let go the fruit of action.

Live in the present, and whether this present is good or not good, this is also impermanent.

Live as we are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love everyone as they are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love ourselves, be free from clinging and craving towards love and kindness from others. Allow others to love and be kind to us, or not.

If one knows how to take care oneself, which is taking care of one’s mind and loving oneself, one can love others dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally. One stops hurting oneself and others, especially those whom we think we love and whom are in a relationship with us.

Be free.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It’s common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don’t.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, “I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn’t do that, to me. He/she doesn’t love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt.”

‘Hurt’ doesn’t exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won’t do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn’t love us and isn’t nice to us. We won’t expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel ‘hurt’ by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don’t really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don’t like and don’t want. It’s not because he/she is bad or wrong. It’s not because he/she doesn’t love us or isn’t nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of “I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don’t really love you because I don’t love you as you are.” allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of “I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much.” Instead, we question ourselves, “How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don’t really love you?” and “If I really love you, I won’t demand anything from you and won’t expect you to love me and be nice to me. I’ll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not.”

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn’t love us or isn’t nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don’t have to allow someone who doesn’t love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It’s okay if we realize we don’t love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

 

“Do I love myself, unconditionally?”

Whenever we think and feel that “I am hurt by this or that” we need to ask ourselves, “Do I love myself, unconditionally?”

If we love what we like and want more than loving ourselves as we are, then we will only be happy and satisfied when everything is the way that we like it to be, by having all our desires fulfilled. But when things are not the way that we like it to be, and we are not able to gratified our desires, we will feel hurt, unhappy and angry. This is because we don’t love ourselves as we are, as we are not able to accept ourselves as we are, being dissatisfied and disappointed with the reality that we don’t like, that we don’t want. We are hurt by our own dissatisfaction and disappointment towards ungratified desires or unfulfilled expectation towards ourselves and everyone else.

It’s really nothing to do with whether everything is the way that we like it to be, or not. Or whether other people love us, or not. Or whether other people treat us the way that we think it should be, or not. Or other people’s behavior is wrong and hurtful, or not.

Loving ourselves is different from selfishness. When we truly love ourselves, it’s not being selfish at all. It’s not about gratification of the desires of craving and aversion, or self-indulgence without restriction, but there is self-discipline, self-restriction and self-control to free the mind from being influenced or over-powered by egoistic desires of craving and aversion. It’s about being compassionate towards ourselves and everyone else. We stop hurting ourselves and others out of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

May all learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally, and be free.

Love ourselves?

Different people with different understanding and mentality interpret ‘love ourselves’ differently.

In yoga, to love ourselves, is to free our minds from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison, expectation, self-esteem, self-image, and all sorts of impurities of anger, hatred. jealousy, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, offensiveness, defensiveness, animosity, ill-will, agitation, depression, hurts, guilt, regret, fear and worry, and etc, where all these defilement is the real cause of unhappiness and suffering.

It’s not about self-pampering by indulging one’s own body and mind in some worldly sensual pleasurable activities or enjoyments, or be able to be free to do and say what we want to do and say disregards whether these actions and speech would generate harmful effects or painful sorrow in oneself and in others, to get rid of unhappiness and to feel happy, or trying to be strong and aggressive to be able to protect oneself from being bullied or hurt by anyone or anything that we think and believe or recognize as something undeserving, wrong, bad and hurtful. It doesn’t mean that one should abuse oneself, or allowing others to abuse oneself, or shouldn’t move away from abusive treatments. But one’s mind isn’t determined by others’ unkind abusive behavior, and doesn’t save hatred towards others’ behavior that is unkind and abusive.

It’s ignorance when we interpret compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion and observation as – If people want to slap your face, you should let them slap you, and ask them to slap the other side of the face as well. This is not what compassion is about.

Compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion, or observation doesn’t mean that when we see someone is throwing a stone towards us, and we shouldn’t move away. It’s our decision whether we want to stay there and be hit by the stone, or move away from being hit by the stone, unless due to certain reasons, we are not aware of it or we can’t move away. And even if we had tried to move away but we are still hit by the stone, it’s our freedom to choose how we react towards this incident. By choosing to react with unhappiness, animosity, anger and hatred doesn’t undo this incident.

Once one’s mind is free from all these defilements, this mind will know what is being compassionate towards all beings, including being compassionate towards oneself. One will know how to love oneself and others without attachment and expectation. One will be free from the ignorance of expecting other beings to love us in the way that we think it should be, or be free from expectation towards oneself and others that everyone should behave in certain ways whether in life, in the society, in the world, in family, in friendships, or in relationships.

Be free from craving for love, attention, acknowledgement, support, liking, companionship, praise, compliment, rewards and all sorts of worldly egoistic conditional thinking and behavior.

When we give and love, we don’t expect gratefulness and appreciation. We allow the fruit of action to be what it is, not necessarily is the way that what we think it should be. It doesn’t matter those whom we give and love would be grateful, or appreciate, or love us, or not. There’s no dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, unhappiness or hurt, if we truly know what is ‘loving ourselves.’

When we think we are hurt by someone or something, it’s because we think and expect that after what we give and how we love, we deserve to be receiving gratefulness, appreciation and love from those whom we give and love. We are disappointed and hurt by our own attachment and expectation. It’s not because someone, or people in the world don’t love us, or don’t appreciate us, or stop loving us, or love us less, or prefer to love someone else.

One must learn how to love oneself before one knows how to love other beings.

Be free.

Real love is free from bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred

It’s very common to see unhappiness, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred exist in many of the love relationships. That is because people don’t really love the person who is in the relationship with them, but they only love what they like and want from the relationship, or from the person who are in a relationship with them. These people don’t even love themselves. They expect the ‘appropriate’ treatment and behavior from the person in the relationship with them to give them the love, the attention, the commitment, the companionship, the treatment, the satisfaction and the happiness exactly the way that how they like it to be, or the way that they think it should be, to make them feel good and happy, to feel that they are well-loved and well-deserved. If they are not getting what they like and want from the person in the relationship with them, or they are not getting what they want and what they think they deserved from the relationship, and they are getting something that they don’t like and don’t want, or are getting something that they think they don’t deserve to be getting, they feel unhappy, bitter, dissatisfied, disappointed and angry. They think that their relationship is not good. They think that the person in the relationship with them is not good enough, or is bad. Or some would think that it’s because themselves are not good enough, or are bad, that they don’t deserve to love and be loved, or to be treated in the ‘right’ way that they think they should be treated.

Most of the time, we think we love someone, but actually, we don’t. We only love what we like and want. We love certain qualities that we perceive about that person and the ‘good’ image that we project onto that person which we like very much. We love what we like and want that we could receive from that person. We love what we like and want that is available to us from being in a relationship with that person.

And hence, we would get very angry and unhappy, or feel hurt, bitter, dissatisfied and disappointed, when the qualities or the image that we like about that person has changed into something else that we don’t like and don’t want, or when we are not getting what we like and want from that person anymore, or when the relationship with that person and the companionship of that person that we love very much is no longer available to us.

Out of feelings of hurt, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and unhappiness, we would do things and say things that would hurt ourselves and hurt the person whom we want to love, or whom we think we love very much and those whom he or she loves. Where is love? There’s no love. Only bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred when we are losing what we like and want, when we don’t get what we like and want, and are getting what we don’t like and don’t want.

Real love is unconditional, being free from bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred. We love the person as he is, as she is. We only wish him or her will have peace and happiness, even though he or she doesn’t love us (anymore), or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with us (anymore). We don’t have to allow ourselves to be abused or taken for granted, but, we could allow other people to love us, or not; to be nice to us, or not; want to be in a relationship with us, or not. Other people have the freedom to treat us the way that how they want to treat us. Other people have the freedom to behave the way that how they want to behave. We have the freedom to choose how we want to react towards other people’s behavior, actions and reactions.

It is our own responsibility if we want to react with ill-thinking, ill-feelings, ill-will, and we want to feel hurt, or bitter, or dissatisfied, or disappointed, or angry. It is not because other people’s behavior is bad or wrong.

How could we say “I love you” and “Since I love you so much, why don’t you appreciate my love for you and why do you disappoint me and betray my love for you?” and “Why don’t you love me the way that I like it to be, or how I deserve to be loved?” when we would do things and say things that would hurt him or her out of bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred when we are not getting what we like and want from him or her, or from the relationship we have with him or her? Or we would have ill-will for the person whom we ‘love’ very much, we wish him or her should be punished or suffered for being ‘bad’ to us, when he or she doesn’t want to love us, or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with us (anymore)? Because we don’t really love them at all if we would react with ill-will, bitterness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger and hatred in a relationship.

We expect that “I love you, you should also love me in return.” and “I am very good to you, you should also be good to me.” and “I uphold my commitment, duties and responsibilities towards you in our relationship, you should also uphold your commitment, duties and responsibilities towards me in our relationship.”

It is not other people or the relationship we have with them is bad and wrong that disappoints us. We are disappointed by our own expectation towards other people or the relationships we have with them. We don’t know what is love or how to love. We are being conditioned or brain-washed by our family cultural practice, or religious teachings, or social medias about how people should behave, about give and take, about relationships, and about code of conducts. We expect everyone should follow the same orders and code of conducts. That is what making us so unhappy and dissatisfied in any relationships, as we expect people should behave in certain ways and all relationships should be in certain ways, and if they don’t turn out to be the way that how we expect them to be, or how we think they should be, we are unhappy and dissatisfied.

We have the right and freedom on how we want to react and feel. There’s nothing wrong if we want to feel hurt, bitter and angry. But know that it’s coming from our own reactions towards something that we don’t like, don’t want and don’t agree with. It’s not coming from other people being bad and wrong.

Most people don’t like to hear all these. They just want to blame everything and everyone to be responsible for their reactions of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, bitterness, feelings of hurt, anger and hatred towards something that they don’t like and don’t want. There’s no freedom and there’s so much tension in oneself or in all our relationships with anyone, when we want to love others, or be loved by others.

And thus, those who know what is love and how to love, there’s no complaint, or criticism, or talk bad about their partners that they are not good enough, or are bad, even if they are really not good, or are really bad. Only those who don’t really love their partner would want to complain, criticize and talk bad about their partners out of dissatisfaction, disappointment, bitterness, unhappiness, anger and hatred because they are not getting what they like and want, but they are getting what they don’t like and don’t want. And they want to get agreement and support from other people by complaining to other people about their disappointment and unhappiness, to prove to themselves and other people that “I am good enough to deserve to be treated in a better way or in the right way, and it’s because my partner is not good, or is bad, and he or she doesn’t appreciate ‘my love’ and ‘what I’ve done’ for him or her, that is giving me problems and unhappiness, that is hurting me, or making me angry and miserable.”

Om shanti.

Treat others the way that how we would like to be treated?

“Treat others the way that how we would like to be treated?”

Though this is a good and positive thinking we hear very often from here and there, but we are not free, as we still have expectation towards how others should treat us the way we would like to be treated in return. We will be very disappointed if after we treat others the way that we would also like to be treated the same by them, but they don’t. And most of the time, they don’t.

Even when we think we have shown lots of love and cares to another being, it’s not necessarily that this being will treat us the way how we treat them, or how we would like to be treated in return.

Be free. Just be ourselves. And let others to treat us the way that they want to treat us. It’s their freedom of thinking, action and speech. We can only appreciate if others treat us the way we like them to treat us, and if they don’t, let them be.

Om shanti.

Solitude and Silence…

Silent retreat.

A period of solitude and silence to allow one to love oneself unconditionally.

Spend time with oneself, turning inward, quieting the mind, moving away from worldly passionate desires, clinging and cravings, to know oneself, to love oneself.

Though immerse in solitude and silence, one is not lonely or bored. In fact, one is full of peace and joy being independent on any external impermanent names and forms to be happy, confident and meaningful.

When one loves oneself, one will appreciate all the love, appreciation and companionship from other beings, but one doesn’t dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, or confident, or meaningful, or not. One also will love others without any attachment or expectation, as one doesn’t need to depend on love, or appreciation, or companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful.

This is different from ego-centred love. Ego-centred love is when one only loves what one’s ego desires, likes and wants, but don’t know how to love oneself, or others. In this case, one loves oneself and others unconditionally.

If one doesn’t love oneself, one is always looking, clinging and craving for love, appreciation and companionship from others to escape loneliness or boredom, or to be happy, confident and meaningful. One also will not know how to love others, as one will have attachment, clinging, craving and expectation towards others, as one is dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful. One will be dissatisfied and unhappy when the love, appreciation or companionship that one craves for is not available.

May all be free.

Love and Relationship

One might be in a relationship with another one, but there’s no love.

One might have love for another one, but there’s no relationship involved.

One might think and say to another one, “I love you.”

It will be true if it is unconditional and won’t change even though impermanent changes occur in everything and every moment.

It is not true if it is conditional and will change when impermanent changes occur in certain things and through time, with a mixture feelings of affection and love with anger, hatred, jealousy, unhappiness, hurt, dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubt, fear and worry.

One might think and feel that one loves another one, but the truth is, one only loves what one likes and wants. One doesn’t love the one whom one thinks one loves. Neither does one loves oneself.

There is only egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging onto what the ego likes and wants in most relationships that involve mixtures feelings and affliction.

Only when one is completely be free from egoism, then one knows how to love oneself and love another one, without egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging.

Most people have one or many relationship, but without love, they attach and cling onto one another for getting what each likes and wants. When either one or both didn’t get what they like and want, the relationship breaks apart.

When two beings are being together, without clinging or rely onto one another for gratifying personal desires, it is love that keeps them stay together naturally.

If one of the two beings in a relationship doesn’t have love, then there will be affliction arise in this being when one doesn’t get what one likes and wants from the relationship.

May all be free.