Be free from craving for love

Some feel hurt when they think there’s no one love them. Some feel hurt when they think they love someone whom they don’t really love. Some feel hurt when they are loved by someone who doesn’t really love them. Some feel hurt when they aren’t getting the love that they want. Some feel hurt when they are losing the love that they like. No matter what, people will feel hurt, whether they want to love someone, or they want to be loved by someone.

There’s nothing wrong with ‘love’. People say ‘love’ hurts and advise other people not to love, if they don’t want hurt. This is incorrect understanding.

It’s the desires of craving towards ‘love’ and the aversion towards ‘love-less’, and the expectation towards how ‘love’ should be like, is why people feel hurt, or lonely, dissatisfied, disappointed, unhappy, depressed, meaningless, miserable, or suffer, when they want to love or be loved by someone.

Realize what is ‘love’ and learn how to love, is yoga.

Be free from craving for love, whether from family, love relationship, friendship, community, or any other forms of beings and objects of names and forms.

When the mind is free from craving for love, there is peace, it doesn’t matter one is loving someone, or not, and whether one is loved by someone, or not.

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Love dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally

Whether the past experiences were something good or not good, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or unhappy, desirable or undesirable, let them go.

Whether the future will be okay or not okay, let it be.

Do our best, perform all our duties and responsibilities without forcing ourselves beyond our limitation, and let go the fruit of action.

Live in the present, and whether this present is good or not good, this is also impermanent.

Live as we are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love everyone as they are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love ourselves, be free from clinging and craving towards love and kindness from others. Allow others to love and be kind to us, or not.

If one knows how to take care oneself, which is taking care of one’s mind and loving oneself, one can love others dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally. One stops hurting oneself and others, especially those whom we think we love and whom are in a relationship with us.

Be free.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It’s common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don’t.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, “I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn’t do that, to me. He/she doesn’t love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt.”

‘Hurt’ doesn’t exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won’t do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn’t love us and isn’t nice to us. We won’t expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel ‘hurt’ by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don’t really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don’t like and don’t want. It’s not because he/she is bad or wrong. It’s not because he/she doesn’t love us or isn’t nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of “I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don’t really love you because I don’t love you as you are.” allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of “I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much.” Instead, we question ourselves, “How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don’t really love you?” and “If I really love you, I won’t demand anything from you and won’t expect you to love me and be nice to me. I’ll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not.”

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn’t love us or isn’t nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don’t have to allow someone who doesn’t love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It’s okay if we realize we don’t love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

 

“Do I love myself, unconditionally?”

Whenever we think and feel that “I am hurt by this or that” we need to ask ourselves, “Do I love myself, unconditionally?”

If we love what we like and want more than loving ourselves as we are, then we will only be happy and satisfied when everything is the way that we like it to be, by having all our desires fulfilled. But when things are not the way that we like it to be, and we are not able to gratified our desires, we will feel hurt, unhappy and angry. This is because we don’t love ourselves as we are, as we are not able to accept ourselves as we are, being dissatisfied and disappointed with the reality that we don’t like, that we don’t want. We are hurt by our own dissatisfaction and disappointment towards ungratified desires or unfulfilled expectation towards ourselves and everyone else.

It’s really nothing to do with whether everything is the way that we like it to be, or not. Or whether other people love us, or not. Or whether other people treat us the way that we think it should be, or not. Or other people’s behavior is wrong and hurtful, or not.

Loving ourselves is different from selfishness. When we truly love ourselves, it’s not being selfish at all. It’s not about gratification of the desires of craving and aversion, or self-indulgence without restriction, but there is self-discipline, self-restriction and self-control to free the mind from being influenced or over-powered by egoistic desires of craving and aversion. It’s about being compassionate towards ourselves and everyone else. We stop hurting ourselves and others out of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

May all learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally, and be free.

Love ourselves?

Different people with different understanding and mentality interpret ‘love ourselves’ differently.

In yoga, to love ourselves, is to free our minds from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison, expectation, self-esteem, self-image, and all sorts of impurities of anger, hatred. jealousy, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, offensiveness, defensiveness, animosity, ill-will, agitation, depression, hurts, guilt, regret, fear and worry, and etc, where all these defilement is the real cause of unhappiness and suffering.

It’s not about self-pampering by indulging one’s own body and mind in some worldly sensual pleasurable activities or enjoyments, or be able to be free to do and say what we want to do and say disregards whether these actions and speech would generate harmful effects or painful sorrow in oneself and in others, to get rid of unhappiness and to feel happy, or trying to be strong and aggressive to be able to protect oneself from being bullied or hurt by anyone or anything that we think and believe or recognize as something undeserving, wrong, bad and hurtful. It doesn’t mean that one should abuse oneself, or allowing others to abuse oneself, or shouldn’t move away from abusive treatments. But one’s mind isn’t determined by others’ unkind abusive behavior, and doesn’t save hatred towards others’ behavior that is unkind and abusive.

It’s ignorance when we interpret compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion and observation as – If people want to slap your face, you should let them slap you, and ask them to slap the other side of the face as well. This is not what compassion is about.

Compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion, or observation doesn’t mean that when we see someone is throwing a stone towards us, and we shouldn’t move away. It’s our decision whether we want to stay there and be hit by the stone, or move away from being hit by the stone, unless due to certain reasons, we are not aware of it or we can’t move away. And even if we had tried to move away but we are still hit by the stone, it’s our freedom to choose how we react towards this incident. By choosing to react with unhappiness, animosity, anger and hatred doesn’t undo this incident.

Once one’s mind is free from all these defilements, this mind will know what is being compassionate towards all beings, including being compassionate towards oneself. One will know how to love oneself and others without attachment and expectation. One will be free from the ignorance of expecting other beings to love us in the way that we think it should be, or be free from expectation towards oneself and others that everyone should behave in certain ways whether in life, in the society, in the world, in family, in friendships, or in relationships.

Be free from craving for love, attention, acknowledgement, support, liking, companionship, praise, compliment, rewards and all sorts of worldly egoistic conditional thinking and behavior.

When we give and love, we don’t expect gratefulness and appreciation. We allow the fruit of action to be what it is, not necessarily is the way that what we think it should be. It doesn’t matter those whom we give and love would be grateful, or appreciate, or love us, or not. There’s no dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, unhappiness or hurt, if we truly know what is ‘loving ourselves.’

When we think we are hurt by someone or something, it’s because we think and expect that after what we give and how we love, we deserve to be receiving gratefulness, appreciation and love from those whom we give and love. We are disappointed and hurt by our own attachment and expectation. It’s not because someone, or people in the world don’t love us, or don’t appreciate us, or stop loving us, or love us less, or prefer to love someone else.

One must learn how to love oneself before one knows how to love other beings.

Be free.