How to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

Many people experience hurtful feeling or ‘heartbroken’ derived from love relationship that is not the way that they like/expect it to be, or it didn’t have a happy ever after ending. In the beginning it was all good and happy, but after some time, something changed, it’s not the same as before, and it turns sour and bitter, and then completely broken. It’s quite painful/hurtful/sorrowful.

Some people would like to know how yoga can help them to be ‘healed’ from hurts, or how to be free from getting hurt in love relationship, or how to stop/not feeling hurt in love relationship?

The yogic way to be free from all suffering is through understanding/knowing the truth of suffering. It’s not about ‘healing’ as many would think what it is. All suffering derived from ignorance and egoism. Once ignorance and egoism is annihilated, there’s nothing or none needs to be ‘healed’.

Some people had tried to let go after they learned about the teachings of yoga about letting go, but they found that it’s very difficult or impossible to let go. This is because they don’t have the correct understanding of what is going on in the mind. Upon understanding what is going on in the mind (all the impermanent selfless modification and changes in the mind and the real cause of pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness), all the pain/hurt/sorrow/bitterness ceased existing, there’s needless to let go anything.

It’s not an obligation or compulsory duty as a human being to must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life ‘happily’ or ‘normally’.

One doesn’t need to possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily as one is, if the mind is free from being conditioned by worldly/cultural thinking and belief. It’s merely part of the worldly/cultural thinking and belief that many people think and believe that everyone must possess one or many love relationship/friendship to live life happily and meaningfully. Most people’s values of life, self-worth, success, confidence, happiness and the senses of meaningfulness are very much being determined by having one or many (good) love relationship/friendship, which is unnecessary at all if one’s mind is free from ignorance and egoism. If people don’t have any love relationship/friendship or they have bad/unhappy/broken love relationship/friendship, they would think and feel bad, unworthy, low confident, failing, depressed, or meaningless about themselves and their life. This is truly unnecessary. One can be friendly to all beings without the need of possessing one or many (good) ‘committed love relationship’ or ‘friendship’, and still be happy as one is.

If we really want to be in a love relationship, we must first learn how to respect everyone and love everyone as they are.

When we feel unhappy/dissatisfied/disappointed/angry/hurt in a love relationship, ask ourselves this, “Do we love them as they are? Are we being possessive towards the people in a relationship with us and have expectation towards everyone about how they should behave or feel?”

Even if we dislike and disagree with this, everyone has the freedom to behave or feel the way that they (want to) behave and feel, even if they are being in a ‘committed’ relationship with somebody. No one is obliged to respect ‘commitment in a relationship’. True relationship where two parties truly love each other and want to stay together out of their own freewill, doesn’t have ‘commitment’ to be respected. Even after being in a relationship, people have the freedom of how they feel and what they want, whether they want to love someone, or stop loving someone, or don’t want to love someone, or they changed from being loving/caring to unloving/uncaring, or they want to stay in a relationship or end a relationship, or they merely want to be single again even though they still love the person in the relationship with them, or they want to be with someone else, or they couldn’t help themselves being selfish/abusive, or they are suffering from depression/emotional problem/behavior problem/greed/dissatisfaction/lustful desire, and etc.

Meanwhile, we also have the freedom and rights for how we want to feel (whether okay or not okay) and what we want to do with the relationship, to decide whether to let go or continue the ‘broken’ relationship depending on what is best for everyone, especially when it includes children. There’s neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad in any decision made. If we truly know what we want and don’t want, and what is best for everyone, there’s no difficulty in making decision and there’s no guilt or regret in any decision made. Such like, ending a ‘violent/abusive’ relationship is better for oneself and the children, without hurtful/revengeful/fearful feelings due to compassion and understanding in oneself, being compassionate towards the person in the relationship with us is suffering from mental/emotional/behavior problem.

Find out the truth of our feelings of love towards the person in the relationship with us.

Do we really love the person in the relationship with us, or we only love what we like and want from being in the relationship with someone? When ‘we’ feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt in a ‘broken’ relationship, it’s really nothing to do with how the people in a relationship with us behave in the relationship, whether they didn’t treat us nicely or they treat us badly, or how they want to feel, whether they feel love or don’t feel love for us, or what is their decision/desire, whether to continue staying in or ending the relationship with us. When we feel angry/disappointed/betrayed/unhappy/hurt, it’s because ‘I don’t like/want/agree with this’ – Things are not being the way that we want it to be, or the relationship is not going to the direction that we want it to be.

If we truly know what is love, self love, unconditional love and what is relationship, then how we feel won’t be determined by how other people behave or feel towards us and whether the relationship is perfect or imperfect. We would love and accept them as they are, even if they don’t love us, or don’t want to love us, or don’t want to be in a relationship with us, or want to love someone else, or want to be in a relationship with someone else. We don’t and shouldn’t agree with or support or encourage any ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment or behavior from anyone, but at the same time, we don’t have to be influenced or determined by other people’s ‘hurtful/wrongful/abusive’ treatment and behavior. We won’t do or say things that would hurt them or those whom they love. We also won’t hurt ourselves in order to hurt them or make them feel bad/guilty/disturbed. We would wish everyone (whom we love or don’t love) peace and happiness whether they love us/be nice to us, or not.

Understand/Inquire the root cause of hurtful feeling in love relationship.

All hurtful feelings derived from ungratified desire of craving and aversion in our own mind (not getting what we like and want and getting what we don’t like and don’t want, and losing what we like and want), it’s not caused by bad relationship/bad life experience of bad people/partner/spouse/lover and their wrong doings or bad behavior. It’s how the mind reacts towards what it experiences or perceives that it doesn’t like, doesn’t want and doesn’t agree with. It’s the responsibility of the mind itself whether to be disturbed or be undisturbed by all the unpleasant/challenging experiences.

If we truly love the person in the love relationship with us, we won’t feel hurt even if they don’t love us, or stop loving us, or love someone else.

Most minds/human beings are not perfect, full of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

We would understand that due to ignorance and egoism, people would behave selfishly and irrationally, and be unloving towards the people in a relationship with them, regardless whether they think they love or don’t love the person in the relationship with them. People would do and say things that would cause physical/mental/emotional pain, even when they think they love the person in the relationship with them, not to say especially when they don’t really love the person in the relationship with them. We are hurting ourselves if we expect everyone to be perfectly ‘good’ and ‘loving’ the way that we think it should be, the way that we want them to be.

Respecting the law of impermanence.

The nature of minds/feelings/relationship/togetherness is impermanence, forever changing.

Everyone has the freedom and rights to love or not to love someone, or stop loving someone whom they used to love. Feelings will change. What we want in life will change. Life will change. Condition and situation will change. There’s nothing wrong with feelings changing from time to time. Most minds/human beings are not free from ignorance and egoism and are identifying strongly/passionately with fleeting feelings as ‘who they are’, their relationship with everyone and life existence are very much being influenced and determined by those fleeting feelings.

We would let go this relationship and the person in the relationship with us, in peace, if this relationship doesn’t work, even when two people still love each other, but couldn’t continue the relationship for some good reasons, not to say when one person in the relationship doesn’t feel love for the other person and doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or prefer to love someone else and be with someone else.

We will wish the person in the relationship with us and the people whom they love/cherish peace and happiness. Ourselves would also have peace and happiness being free from anger, hatred, jealousy, regret, guilt, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurts.

There is nothing wrong and it’s okay and we have the freedom and rights to feel angry, disappointed and hurt, but we don’t have to, if we understand.

If we feel angry, disappointed and hurt in a broken love relationship (when the relationship turns into something that we don’t like and don’t want, or the person in the relationship with us doesn’t behave or feel the way that we expect/would like them to behave or feel,) it’s because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don’t really love them. We don’t even love ourselves. We only love what we like and want of what we experience/get from being in the love relationship the way that we like and want it to be.

We are the one who is selfish, as we have expectation towards how the relationship should be like and how the person in the relationship with us should feel or behave, or how they should treat us in the way that we like and want. And when we don’t get what we like and want, and are getting what we don’t like and don’t want, or we are losing what we like and want towards the relationship and the love from the person in the relationship with us, we (the egoistic mind) feel betrayed, ill-treated, angry, jealous, dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt.

Who is feeling hurt?

It’s the ego, or the identification of ‘I’ who feels hurt by the perception of hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

If the mind is free from ignorance (knowing the truth of suffering) and egoism (free from the idea of ‘I’, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation), this mind won’t perceive hurtful/wrongful/undeserving experiences and react with hurtful feelings. This mind won’t be/feel hurt by anything, even if the perceptions of names and forms or life experiences are very unpleasant and challenging, when everything is not the way that we would like it to be.

Realize selflessness, the truth of ‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’.

‘I’ and ‘I am hurt by something hurtful’ doesn’t exist upon the realization of the truth. There’s no ‘I’ existing. There’s no one existing to be hurt, or experiencing hurt, or feeling hurt. There’s no one needs to be healed from hurt. All experiences are just what they are, neither hurtful nor not hurtful, upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. If anyone still feels hurt by something being perceived as ‘hurtful’, and believes that ‘I’ need to be healed from hurt, it’s due to ignorance and egoism.

Realize non-separateness or oneness of unconditional love.

One doesn’t need to rely/depend on receiving love/relationship/friendship/companionship/acknowledgement from anyone (not even ‘God’) to feel loved/confident/complete/satisfied/meaningful, if one realized non-separateness/oneness of unconditional love, without discrimination of self and not-self/others, conditions, possessiveness, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison, or expectation. There’s no unhappiness, anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or hurt. It doesn’t matter we have or don’t have any love relationship, and whether the love relationship turns out well or not well. One is still happy and peaceful as one is.

If we don’t know what is love or how to love, we will only end up unwittingly and ceaselessly hurting ourselves and those whom we think we love very much, especially those in a relationship with us. It’s because we don’t love ourselves and we don’t love those whom we think we love. We don’t love anyone, not even ‘God’, we only love the desires of what we like and want.

Be free.

Advertisements

Yoga and ‘positive empowerment’ ideologies?

Many people, including yoga practitioners and yoga teachers, would think and believe that yoga philosophy or the teachings of yoga and the yoga practice is about ‘positive empowerment’.

There’s nothing wrong or bad with ‘positive empowerment’ ideologies, it helps many people to ‘positively’ deal with the perception of certain worldly life experiences that are not necessarily the way that the mind would like it to be, that are quite challenging, exhausting, unpleasant, painful or harsh, by being ‘positive’, ‘optimistic’, ‘hopeful’, ‘confident’, ‘worthy’, ‘strong’, and etc, just that it is not what yoga and yoga practice is about.

Worldly passionate egoistic minds that are identifying with and attached onto the qualities of names and forms of family and cultural background, worldly thinking and belief, intelligence, knowledge, creativity, higher technologies, higher standard of living, enjoyment of the senses, sense of achievement and meaningfulness, sense of belonging, social community interaction and activities, relationships, friendships, fun elements, good condition of the body and the living environment, and etc, wouldn’t like or agree with the practice of yoga of renouncing worldly ideas/thinking/belief/habits and thinning-out/annihilation of the mind.

Only those who have realized the fleeting impermanence of all the names and forms in this worldly life existence, who have intense yearning for salvation or liberation from suffering, would perceive and understand worldly life existence differently from the passionate minds.

For the passionate minds, the worldly life existence is what they are and all they are, and they spend all the effort, energy, life span and sense of meaningfulness into creating and protecting what they think is ‘I’ and ‘mine’ – my life, my body, my mind, my name, my gender, my sexual orientation, my appearance, my action, my fruit of action, my health, my feelings, my education, my career, my wealth, my achievements, my results, my qualifications, my certifications, my accumulated experiences, my property, my things, my knowledge, my language, my personality, my professionalism, my talent, my skill, my ability, my strength, my love, my kindness, my goodness, my family, my ancestor, my birth place, my nationality, my race, my community, my tribe, my people, my country, my world, my planet earth, my universe, my culture, my religion, my thinking, my belief, my rights, my freedom, my happiness, my relationships, my friends, my relatives, my partner, my children, my grandchildren, my pets, my future, my children’s future, my interest, my hobbies, my collections, my ideas, my creativity, my ambitions, my generosity, my reputation, my confidence, my self-esteem, my pride, my contribution, my sacrifice, my effort, my time, my space, my yoga, my yoga mat, my yoga accessories, my yoga brand, my favorite yoga practice/yoga poses, my yoga school, my yoga students, my yoga teacher, my Guru, my disciples, my followers, my fans, my God, my things to do/enjoy before dying, and so on.

For the dispassionate minds, the worldly life existence is simply a precious momentary platform and priceless opportunity for them to work diligently to annihilate the mind/ignorance/egoism – the root of countless births and deaths (restlessness), and the consequence of that – suffering. The worldly passionate minds would ignorantly think that this is selfishness, that this doesn’t contribute anything to the world like all the other intelligent educated kind people who actively trying to do so many actions in order to change the world to be a better place or to be the way that they think it should be, but they don’t realize this serious stuff of yoga practice is indeed the greatest form of contribution towards humanity that anyone can give – to be free from ignorance/egoism/impurities and suffering, to be in peace and manifesting peace into the environment/the society/the world, unconditionally.

If someone really interested in practicing yoga or realizing yoga, must understand the difference between yoga (the annihilation of the ego/egoism and restraining/thinning-out the function/modification of the mind) and worldly ‘positive empowerment’ ideologies (the empowerment of the ego/egoism and stimulating/augmenting the function/modification of the mind).

The one who needs to be empowered and is being empowered by ‘positive empowerment’ ideologies is the ego. All these worldly ‘positive empowerment’ ideologies are stimulating/feeding/fueling/empowering/strengthening the thinking mind/egoism. While yoga practice is mainly to breakdown/annihilate the ego/egoism and stop stimulating/stop feeding/thinning out/annihilating the thinking mind (including the mind with all positive and good qualities.)

The one who truly understands yoga and practices yoga, doesn’t need to be empowered, encouraged, motivated, inspired, acknowledged, supported or accompanied by anything and anyone, but realizing the truth and lives in the truth, and not running away from or denying the undesirable/disagreeable reality perceived by the mind that it doesn’t like and doesn’t want, or trying to change the undesirable/disagreeable reality to be the way that the mind would like or want it to be.

Yoga practitioners or yoga teachers, who think and believe all beings/people, including themselves, need to be empowered, encouraged, motivated, inspired, acknowledged, supported, or accompanied by other(s), of family/community/teachers/friend circle/social network to live life, to look after themselves and/or others under their care, to be doing something beneficial to themselves and/or others, to be performing their duties and responsibilities towards themselves and/or others, and to perform the yoga and meditation practice to attain salvation, otherwise, they would be discouraged, demotivated or lack of inspiration to perform all these actions, then they aren’t really practicing yoga, even though they might think and believe that they have been practicing yoga for a long time or they are highly experienced in the yoga practice. Though it’s everyone’s freedom of how they understand and practice yoga.

This doesn’t mean that the world is a loveless place if all practice yoga or everyone doesn’t (need to) connect with other(s), to be giving or receiving love from one another, but in fact, it’s the contrary, the world will be full of ‘love’, as everyone is love itself and manifesting love unlimitedly, unconditionally, intentionlessly or selflessly. There’s needless to connect with other(s) or depend on receiving love from other(s) to feel love or loved by other(s). There’s no separateness, loneliness or meaninglessness.

It’s only those who haven’t realized the truth of ‘love’, will perceive separateness, loneliness and meaninglessness, and believe that all beings need to be giving and receiving love from one another, and have the need to connect with other(s), to be receiving love from other(s), to feel love and meaningfulness. That is not freedom, nor end of suffering. As there will always be many inhuman selfishness, cruelty, greed, violence or corruption in the world as most minds are not free from ignorance and egoism, and are functioning under the impulse for survival and gratification of desires. Even those who identifying themselves as ‘good’ beings/people who think they do many ‘good’ actions in this world would also want to discriminate/punish/hurt other(s) out of pride, self-protection, survival instinct, anger, hatred, hurt, fear, worry, and etc.

Love or peace is always there, as it is, never increase nor decrease, unaffected by the impermanent changes of good and bad qualities of names and forms. Those who realized this, are free from clinging onto or needing or craving for love from someone or somewhere. It’s only those under the influence of ignorance and egoism don’t realize this, and hence are not free, but finding momentary satisfaction and comforts in the qualities of names and forms that the mind likes and desires.

Dispassion, renounce worldly ideas, objects, activities, ties and relationships, non-attachment, non-identification, awareness, self-control, self-discipline, the correct understanding of the basic and yet essential teachings of yoga, and the four essential qualities of a Sadhaka – Viveka, Vairagya, Shatsampat and Mumukshutva, are the very basic qualities of a yoga practitioner or person who wants to practice yoga and realize yoga.

The real ‘Guru’ or teacher is there to guide the students to destroy/eliminate the ego/egoism and to thin-out the mind. Destroying/eliminating the ego/egoism and thinning-out the mind is the only objective/goal of all the yoga practice and it’s true compassion and the greatest contribution to humanity and the world. All other benefits deriving from performing the yoga practice are just some momentary side-effects. These side-effects cannot bring salvation or liberation. Yoga practitioners aren’t interested in all these momentary side-effects at all, but allowing them to be there as they are.

Everyone is free to practice yoga, or not. It’s everyone’s freedom for what they want to do with their life, their body and mind.

Be free.

Love all beings and things as they are

If one wants to know yoga, or wants to practice yoga, or wants to be free from all sorts of suffering of unhappiness and restlessness of dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, anger, hatred, hurts, guilt, fear, worry, grief, painful sorrow, and etc, one can contemplate on this teaching, if one wants.

Minds that are free from suffering, are being free from ignorance and egoism. These minds don’t fall in love with beings or things in this world no matter how good, pleasant, charming and attractive they are, but merely being in peace and harmony while sharing this space of impermanent existence of names and forms with all beings and things out of wisdom and compassion, with correct understanding of the nature of all the names and forms in this world under the influence of ignorance and egoism, without expecting/wishing all beings or things have to be the way that the worldly minds would like them to be, but allowing all and everything to be what they are, as they are, even if they are not perfect, or not as good as how the worldly minds would like them to be.

These liberated egoless minds might or might not perform actions out of selflessness and compassion that would benefit the world, without any attachment, identification, craving/aversion, possessiveness, discrimination, judgment and expectation. There’s no fear, worry, sorrow, grief, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, anger, hatred, hurt, violence, ill-will, and etc, towards beings, things and happenings that are not necessarily the way that the worldly minds would like them to be. There’s no expectation that all other beings must also be like them to be selfless and compassionate to perform actions that would benefit the world. There’s no expectation that all other beings would not perform actions that would harm the world. There’s no expectation that the world has to be all good and nothing bad after they have performed actions that would benefit the world. They are peaceful as they are, while living, moving and performing actions in the world, being undetermined by their actions and the fruit of their actions, or the good and bad condition of the world.

Contemplate on these, and be free –

Do one’s best to perform actions that one thinks and believes are good and beneficial to the world out of compassion, but let it go instantly. Do not expect the world has to be all good and nothing bad, or there should be more good and less bad. Without the ‘I’ and possessiveness and desire, “Love the world, as it is, whether in good condition or in bad condition.” instead of “I love the world and I want the world to be like this and not like that.”

Do one’s best to maintain the good health of this physical body out of compassion, without expectation that the body has to be all good and nothing bad. Without the ‘I’ and possessiveness and desire, “Love this body, as it is, whether in good health or in sickness.” instead of “I love my body and I want my body to be like this and not like that.”

Do one’s best to maintain the good relationship with everyone whom we love, and appreciate things that we love, without expectation that all the relationships with everyone whom we love and things that we love have to be all good and nothing bad. Without the ‘I’ and possessiveness and desire, “Love all and everything as they are, whether they are the way that the mind would like them to be, or not.” instead of “I love everyone and everything, and I want everyone and everything to be like this and not like that.”

Those who don’t know or don’t understand this, would generate more unnecessary disturbs or disharmony in themselves and into the world, out of their ‘love’ towards the world, beings or things that they ‘love’ very much, under good or bad intention, whether aware or unaware.

Be free.

It’s better not to teach yoga than teaching yoga without correct understanding

Yoga and its practice is neither good nor bad. Teaching yoga is also neither good nor bad.

If people practice yoga with the correct understanding, and if people teach yoga to many more other people with the correct understanding, then yoga appears to be something good. There will be more wise people and less ignorant thinking and behavior in the world.

If people practice yoga without the correct understanding, and if people teach yoga to many more other people without the correct understanding, then yoga appears to be something not so good. There will be stronger ignorance in people with ignorant thinking and behavior in the world.

No doubt that there are many people interested in yoga and love to do yoga practice, and many are also interested in teaching yoga, but it’s not necessarily a good thing if the people have no correct understanding.

It’s normal and understandable that there are many people who think they love yoga are still very much under the influence of ignorance, they are not free from egoism and attachment towards worldly thinking and belief and behavior.

Many existing yoga teachers are teaching yoga to other people with what they think is yoga, that is influenced a lot by their worldly egoistic nature of social and cultural and spiritual thinking and belief and behavior that is full of passionate love and affection and clinging, desires of craving and aversion, personal and worldly identification, attachment and identification towards qualities of names and forms, attachment towards actions and the fruit of actions, and etc. And hence, they are actually feeding the world with deeper ignorance instead of wisdom, and empowering other people’s ignorance and egoism with their own ignorance and egoism.

Many yoga practitioners and yoga teachers mistaken worldly egoistic attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection as compassion.

For example, it’s normal for most people to fall in love with other people or animals or things. When someone meets another person who has something in common with mutual feelings of similar interest and liking towards each other, and they want to be friends, stay connected, be interacting with one another, see each other, talk to each other and do some activities together, know that it’s nothing to do with compassion. It’s just egoistic attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection towards something that the mind feels inclined or attracted to. Compassion is nothing to do with falling in love with people or animals or things.

Compassion is nothing to do with passionate love and affection towards people, animals or things that the mind likes and agrees with, that the minds perceives and recognizes as ‘cute’, ‘pretty’, ‘beautiful’, ‘adorable’, ‘friendly’, ‘lovely’, ‘good’, ‘positive’, ‘right’, ‘happiness’, or ‘meaningfulness’.

Compassion is nothing to do with sympathetic feelings towards people, animals or things that the mind thinks and believes as pitiful and sympathy deserving. Those who have lots of sympathy and affection towards certain people or animals that they like and love are not necessarily compassionate. There are people love and be nice to their friends and pets more than their own parents or children. They would treat their friends and pets like king and queen, but yet, they would neglect or abuse or abandon their parents and children.

People can be very kind and loving towards their own particular community but they would have animosity or ill-will towards other communities. People can be very sympathetic and loving towards someone’s suffering, and be very violent and hating towards those whom they think and believe are the ones who are responsible for the suffering of that someone. This is the manifestation of passionate love and affection that based on personal likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements. This is nothing to do with compassion.

Compassionate minds are free from attachment, identification, clinging, desires of craving and aversion, and are free from impurities of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, regret, guilt, fear, worry, offensiveness, defensiveness, aggressiveness, depression, painful sorrow, grief, vengeance, ill-will and ill-thinking towards all and everything without discrimination of good and bad, superiority and inferiority.

Compassion is equanimity towards ‘good’ and ‘bad’ qualities, condition and situation. Free from craving or aversion towards ‘good’ qualities, condition and situation. Free from aversion or craving towards ‘bad’ qualities, condition and situation. Actions being performed out of compassion is free from ignorance and egoism and impurities. It’s not about “I will be nice to you and you will be nice to me.” There’s no craving or expectation to be receiving love and kindness or friendship and companionship from other beings.

If one thinks one is full of love and kindness towards ‘all beings’, including animals, and has lots of love and affection towards particular animal, that one is keeping the animal as pet, receiving the pet animal as a family member, accepting all the good and bad of the pet animal as well as taking full responsibility towards the consequences of keeping a pet animal, showing lots of love and affection towards the pet animal and enduring the potential difficulties that may arise due to the pet animal’s imperfect nature and behavior, but one couldn’t respect other beings for being different from oneself, one couldn’t accept and love all human beings as they are, including those whose one’s mind perceives, recognizes, thinks and believes as ‘wrong’, ‘selfish’, ‘bad’ and ‘evil’, one discriminates towards other people whom one doesn’t like and doesn’t agree with, and being impatient, frustrated, angry and hating towards certain people’s imperfection and the consequences of their imperfect thinking and behavior, having ill-will and ill-thinking towards people who inflict problems and troubles and damages to one’s life existence, wishing these people to be punished and suffer for their imperfect thinking and behavior, that one doesn’t like and doesn’t agree with, but then one doesn’t mind at all for all the troubles and problems and damages that the pet animal brings into one’s life existence, as one has so much love and affection towards the pet animal to tolerate and accommodate the imperfection of the pet animal, then know that this is not what compassion or loving kindness towards all beings is about.

Most people, including many yoga practitioners and yoga teachers would disagree with this teaching and practice of yoga, and generate intense disgust and aversion towards this very important yoga practice of renouncing all kind of worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection. People will give themselves many reasonable excuses to avoid this teaching and practice. There’s nothing wrong with people’s such reaction and it’s everyone’s freedom for what they want to do with their life existence and how they want to react and feel about everything.

In yoga, one needs to be able to abandon ‘worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection’ if one wants to realize unconditional love or compassion. Or else, one couldn’t be truly compassionate even one would like to be compassionate, as one ignorantly mistakes ‘worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection’ as compassion.

Yoga is about dispassion. Dispassion leads to wisdom and compassion. Wisdom and compassion leads to liberation from suffering.

Compassion doesn’t bring painful sorrow and suffering, but ‘worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection’ will lead to painful sorrow and suffering.

In yoga practice, when one is truly and sincerely yearning for liberation, one not just renounces the worldly attachment and clinging of ties and relationships with other human beings and things, and cutting off all kind of social connections, interactions and activities, to retreat into seclusion and solitude to silent the mind, but one also renounces attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection towards all kind of animals, insects or nature.

If one thinks one is practicing yoga of renunciation of seclusion and solitude by staying away from other human beings and worldly connection of social interactions and activities, but one feels so lonely and bored being away from other human beings and social interactions and activities, and wants to keep one or few pet animal in one’s life to accompany and entertain oneself so that one doesn’t feel so lonely and bored, as well as to feel love and connection with the pet animal, then one isn’t practicing yoga at all.

Those who can’t bear to see or hear or come in contact with all kind of suffering that exist in the world, and feel very disturbed by one’s suffering and other’s suffering, and be offended by all kinds of ignorant behaviors that lead to great suffering in oneself and other beings, then know that it’s not compassion, but it’s mere passionate love and affection.

Not many yoga practitioners are yearning for liberation. They just want to get some good feelings and benefits from doing the yoga practice. And that’s their freedom.

Contemplate on this and be free.

Teach the children to accept and love themselves as they are

If we want to help to build a more peaceful and compassionate society, it’s very important to have young generations that are selfless, peaceful, wise and compassionate, and hence, how the parents or caretakers and the influence of the surrounding environment for the children growing up to be adults/leaders that are endowed with awareness, self-discipline, self-control, independence, truthfulness, honesty, peace, wisdom and compassion is very crucial.

We need to teach the children how to accept and love themselves as they are, to develop awareness, independence, self-discipline and self-control, to inquire the truth of everything, to realize the truth of impermanence and selflessness, to be free from craving and aversion, to have unconditional peace and compassion, so that they don’t need to depend on the qualities of names and forms that are impermanent to be who they are. They don’t need to depend on receiving other people’s love, kindness, acknowledgement, compliments, supports, friendships, relationships and companionship, or depending on a wishful desirable perfect world, to be who they are, to be proud, to be confident, to feel meaningful, to be happy, and to perform actions that are wholesome to themselves and others, out of free-will, out of compassion towards oneself and others, without attachment or identification towards the actions and the result of the actions to be who they are.

They know what are their ability and limitation. They are not defined by their ability and limitation to be who they are. They do their best to achieve what they want to achieve, but they have no attachment or identification towards the ability or limitation, the achievement or non-achievement. They allow other people to think, to judge, to compare, to expect, to like and dislike, to agree and disagree with towards their ability and limitation, but they are not affected or defined by other people’s thinking, judgment, comparison, expectation, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements.

Being free from pride and arrogance, they know how to take consideration towards other people’s advice, but without taking other people’s advice blindly, and they know how to make use of the opportunity that is available to make decision and perform actions that they think are the best, without attachment or expectation towards the outcome of the decision made and the actions performed.

They can work in a group, cooperating with all levels and respecting all levels as equally important, without the sense of superiority or inferiority, knowing that the entire system requires every levels to work together for it to be functioning, but at the same time, they can work independently as well, when cooperation from others is not available.

The society will naturally have more peace and harmony by having less personal, family, relationship, social, political and religious problems if the children grow up to be adults/leaders in the society who are endowed with peace, wisdom and compassion, being free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Unfortunately, most people who became parents are not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities, and are being conditioned and influenced by worldly, cultural, social and religious thinking and belief to live their life and how they bring up their children. Many children grow up to be adults/leaders living in the society with some sorts of psychological issues and behavior problems, full of discrimination, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, selfishness, aggression, violence, corruption, untruthfulness, dishonesty, offensiveness, defensiveness, animosity, depression, low self-esteem, hurts, regret, guilt, fear and worry. And then, when they try to runaway from or cover up what they think is not good or bad or negative or imperfect about themselves, that they don’t like about themselves, that they don’t want any others to know about it, they might create further and deeper problems for themselves and others, in their life and relationships, and in the society.

This is due to many parenting are influenced by the worldly, cultural, social and religious thinking and belief that emphasizing on empowering the ego of the children to boost their self-esteem or self-confidence or self-image by giving them praise and compliment and rewards to motivate and encourage them to be what the parents expect them to be and by giving them criticism and threat and punishment to discourage them to be what the parents don’t want them to be, telling them that they need to do well and be good but also always be better and better, so that they can please other people, to attain praise and compliment, love, support, approval, agreement, acknowledgement and friendship or relationship from others to be who they are.

Whether they are aware of unaware of it, many parents bring up their children by emphasizing on the empowerment of the worldly egoistic nature with great attachment and identification towards the qualities of names and forms, to be somebody that the children and their parents and other people would be proud of. This empowerment of egoism generates separateness and discrimination, that give rise to many personal, family, relationship and social problems in one’s life and in the society.

If children start early to develop correct understanding towards the thinking and behavior pattern, actions and reactions, craving and aversion, feelings and emotions, all sorts of mind activities and impurities, the ego and egoism, and train to eradicate egoistic thinking and behavior that give rise to restlessness and the impurities of dissatisfaction, disappointment, greed, anger, hatred, jealousy, corruption, untruthfulness, dishonesty, violence, animosity, offensiveness, defensiveness, hurts, regret, guilt, fear and worry, they can be kind and compassionate towards other beings, but without expecting or craving for love and kindness and appreciation from other people in return, without clinging onto other people’s love and kindness and appreciation to be who they are.

Children growing up suffering from low self-esteem is because of the parents make them think and believe that they have to be in certain ways and achieve certain qualities, in order to be accepted and be loved by their parents and other people. They were told that they don’t deserve love and they shouldn’t love themselves if they are not good enough, that they shouldn’t accept themselves as they are, as they need to be better and better, and never stop being better. There will never a point that they are good enough so that they can accept and love themselves, as they are. Because the parents are so afraid that their children will stop improving themselves if they think they are good enough. And so, the parents make sure that their children never think that they are good enough.

When these children couldn’t be in certain ways or achieve certain qualities, their parents will show dissatisfaction, disappointment and aggressiveness towards them, and this make them think and believe that they are not good enough, that they don’t deserve acceptance and love from their parents and other people, or even from themselves. They don’t know how to love themselves and they also don’t know how to accept or love other people as they are, as they will also be like their parents, that they will also have expectation towards other people to meet up with their expectation towards other people, that they have to be in certain ways and achieve certain qualities, to be good enough, but they will never be good enough, as they need to be better and better.

If the children grow up knowing how to accept and love themselves as they are, unconditionally, they will always accept and love themselves as they are, regardless they are being in the way that their parents or other people expect them to be, or not, and whether they achieve the qualities that their parents and other people expect them to achieve, or not. And they will also know how to accept and love other people as they are, without expecting other people have to be the way that they think they should be, or to achieve certain qualities that they like and agree with.

It’s not easy to guide children. Parents or caretakers who devote their time, effort, patience, love and acceptance towards the children unconditionally, is a great yoga practice. They don’t need to be regularly doing some forms of yoga exercise, or breathing exercise, or chanting and prayer, or ritual, or to call themselves yoga practitioners or yogis, but by nurturing young children to grow up becoming responsible, peaceful and compassionate members of the family and the society, without egoism of attachment, identification and expectation, just do their best, and let go of the outcome, allowing the children to learn and evolve as they are, and love them as they are, unconditionally, is a great yoga practice and great contribution to humanity.

Be free.