Learn how to free the mind from all kinds of disturbs and hurts

When a mind/person feels disturbed, unhappy, angered, disappointed or hurt by something, usually the impulsive reaction will be expecting some kind of sympathy or empathy from other minds/people, and looking forward to be comforted, loved, looked after, acknowledged, or supported by other minds/people. And most minds/people would also think and believe that that is how people should react towards other people’s state of minds that are disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed or hurt, to be there to be listening to what they think is disturbing their minds and comforting these suffering minds/people by showing them love, care, acknowledgement and support, to be sharing and lessening their ‘unhappiness’ or ‘suffering’, in terms of generating a ‘loving kindness’ society/community. There’s nothing wrong with that and it might give the troubled/disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt minds certain degrees of relieve, to feel better, but it doesn’t help them to be free from the root cause of the suffering from disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. Instead, most probably it might be unintentionally empowering or feeding the attachment, clinging, craving or expectation in people’s mind.

Just like giving sugary fizzy drinks to the unhappy kids might make them feel happy, but they would crave for more sugary drinks to make them feel happy. As once the craving is being gratified, it would only intensify the craving. And if their craving is not being gratified, they would be more unhappy. That’s not freedom at all.

There’s clinging, craving and expectation towards receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, even though there’s nothing wrong with receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, as this is what most worldly minds/people believe and expect the society/community/family/relationship/friendship should be, but the mind is not free. If for some reasons, the mind doesn’t get what it thinks and believes it deserves to be getting from others, it will be more disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt and would do things that would hurt itself and/or others. This is not freedom.

As well as most egoistic minds would want to feel that they are needed by others to feel good and meaningful about themselves and their life existence, that they are capable to give and show love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support to others who ‘need’ them. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that, just that these minds would feel bad or meaningless if for some reasons they think that they are not needed by some others, or when they think that other people do not appreciate what they give. This is not freedom.

Only those who can go beyond worldly thinking and belief can penetrate the real meaning of this teaching and practice. It doesn’t mean that everyone in the society will become ‘cold’, ‘heartless’ or ‘lack of sympathy/empathy’, but the minds are free from clinging, craving or expectation towards receiving the ‘deserving’ love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support from others to feel loved, cared, worthy, comforted, acknowledged or supported, to feel good and meaningful, by knowing what is going on in the mind and be free from ignorance and egoism, and thus, be free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. One doesn’t need anyone to be there to be listening to one’s ‘troubles’, ‘unhappiness’ or ‘hurts’, to be ‘comforted’, as there’s no trouble, unhappiness or hurt existing in this liberated mind. One also can give and show sympathy, empathy, love, care and support to others without the attachment, identification, craving, intention or expectation in order to attain good and meaningful feelings towards oneself or one’s life existence. That is true freedom and compassion.

Yoga practice such like cleansing technique, breathing exercises, yoga asana exercises, chanting, prayer, or concentration practice, can also give the effects of relieving certain degrees of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment or hurts in the minds, but again, it doesn’t stop the mind from continuing be disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed, or hurt by something that they don’t like, don’t want and don’t agree with, that they think is bad, wrong, disturbing, unhappy, frustrating, disappointing, or hurtful, if the mind is not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Those who truly want to learn and practice yoga, it’s not about doing some forms of yoga practice to be getting some conditional and impermanent physical/mental/emotional benefits or getting some momentary relief from what they think is painful suffering, but they learn how to free the mind from the root cause of all kinds of suffering, of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts.

Naturally, the society will have more physical/mental/emotional healthy minds/people, where the minds/people realized unconditional love from within, know how to look after themselves and love others unconditionally, being free from clinging, craving, aversion or expectation.

But not many minds/people would understand and appreciate the greatness of this freedom. Most minds/people believe in and want a society/community/family/relationship/friendship that builds on ‘needing each other’ all the time to feel love, good, happy and meaningful. That’s how people are being taken advantage by others who have selfish intention being in a relationship or friendship. Even in the world of yoga, some yoga teachers or so called ‘gurus’ take advantage of the yoga students for their vulnerability when the students longing or expecting to be receiving comfort, sympathy, empathy, kindness, love, care, affection, acknowledgment, or supports from the yoga teachers or ‘gurus’.

It’s everyone’s freedom for what they think or don’t think, believe or disbelieve, want and don’t want. People don’t have to practice yoga of freeing the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, but just want to do some yoga practice regularly and engaging in social/community activities, to attain some momentary physical/mental/emotional benefits or relief, to attain some kinds of conditional and impermanent good, positive, loving, happy and meaningful feelings.

Work diligently to free the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, if one wants to attain or realize this freedom.

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What happens when we feel ‘touched’ or ‘moved’ by someone or something?

We might think it is because we are admiring or appreciating some ‘nice’ qualities in others that is deeply ‘touching’ or ‘moving’, or we think it is because other people show us and others unconditional friendliness, assistance, acceptance, forgiveness, loving kindness, or simply being nice to us, which we didn’t expect to be receiving, that make us feel ‘touched’ or ‘moved’.

What happens is, in that ‘touching’ moment, we are reconnecting with those ‘nice’ qualities that exist in us but somehow we might have forgotten, or suppressed, or denied for some time, most probably because we think and believe that we have to be selfish, defensive, aggressive, hard and mean, when things get rough in life, or when we feel threaten by someone or something.

We are actually being ‘touched’ and ‘moved’ by the unconditional love that was always there in us. And that allows us to ‘see’ or ‘recognize’ those ‘touching’ qualities in others, and generate such admiration towards other people having such ‘touching’ qualities that actually comes from within us. When we think we are ‘touched’ by someone or something, it is not the intention of that person or that thing to touched anyone’s heart, but it is coming from ourselves realizing the similar qualities in us that allows us to reflect them on another person or onto something.

That’s why within the same situation, some people feel touched, but some others don’t.

Om shanti.

Receiving compassionate love and actions from compassionate beings is not necessarily something that we would like it to be…

Receiving compassionate love and actions from compassionate beings is not necessarily something that we would like it to be, or the way that we expect it to be…

Some people might think that being compassionate and performing compassionate actions mean showing sympathy towards other beings’ suffering and unhappiness, or to show loving kindness to suffering and unhappy beings is by giving them whatever they like and want, to make them feel happy by satisfying their desires of wants and don’t wants.

But being compassionate towards other beings’ suffering is not about giving them what they like and want to satisfy their desires of likes and dislikes, wants and don’t wants, to give them momentary satisfaction and happy feelings, but it’s about provide them with what they truly need, which is the gift of Dharma or wisdom, that will free them from the root cause of suffering or unhappiness, which is ignorance and egoism. And the practice of Dharma or knowledge to be free from suffering is not necessarily something that they like and want, nor it is something that they can agree with due to the deep rooted ignorance, nor it is an easy and pleasant journey for the egoistic mind in the process of eliminating ignorance and egoism. The ego will resist and reject.

A compassionate teacher of Dharma has no fear to give something that is good and beneficial but it might appear to be something quite unpleasant or disagreeable to the students, for the well-being of the students and the entire universe. The Dharma teacher doesn’t take away the things that the beings think and believe are what making them unhappy and suffering, to make them stop suffering or stop being unhappy. The Dharma teacher also doesn’t give the students what they like and want to make them feel good and happy by satisfying their desires of wants and don’t wants, which will be detrimental for the well-being of the students by promoting and strengthening the ignorance, egoism, attachment, desires, greed, craving and aversion. Even though the students might be unhappy, dissatisfied, angry and hating the teacher for not giving them what they like and want. This might appear to be something really unpleasant for the student, but this is real compassionate love from the teacher to the student. Although the student might not see it as an act of loving kindness, as they will be dissatisfied and unhappy about not getting something that they like and want.

The only way to be free from suffering and unhappiness is to allow the beings to know the truth through their own effort and self-realization, to be free from ignorance, egoism, attachment, desires, greed, craving and aversion.

If the ‘teacher’ is impure and has selfish desires, and is attached to his or her actions and the result of the actions, then this teacher will give the students whatever they desire, like and want, to make them feel happy and satisfied, so that the teacher will be able to get something in return that he or she likes and wants from the students, whether the teacher is aware or unaware that this will be detrimental for the well-being of the students. The students might feel happy and satisfied for getting what they like and want. The students might see it as an act of loving kindness, because they are getting what they like and want, but indeed it is exactly opposing to what wisdom and compassion really are.

It’s up to the students whether they want to have strong determination and will-power to let go of their desires of craving and aversion, and self-disciplining themselves for their own good. Or they can continue to fulfill their never ending desires of craving and aversion to get momentary satisfaction and happy feelings, but the root cause of dissatisfaction, unhappiness and suffering is still there.

A father out of passionate love for the child, might gives the child whatever the child likes and wants, as the father doesn’t want the child to be unhappy, and the child might be happy and satisfied after getting what the child likes and wants, but this will be detrimental for the well-being of the child.

A father out of compassionate love for the child may not give the child what the child likes and wants that will be harmful to the child, not that the father wants the child to be unhappy, even though the child might be unhappy and dissatisfied for not getting what the child likes and wants, but this will be beneficial for the well-being of the child.

A compassionate being who has realized selflessness and compassion, who is free from ignorance and egoism, might be criticized by those who are unhappy and dissatisfied because they are not getting what they like and want, but this compassionate selfless being has no fear, nor be affected, nor disturbed, nor determined by both the positive and negative reactions coming from any beings towards the selfless compassionate actions being performed for the well-being of all beings.

Om shanti.

Intelligence, kindness, peace and happiness?

Wisdom and ignorance, happiness and unhappiness has nothing to do with high intelligence nor low intelligence, Low intelligence doesn’t guarantee kindness, peace and happiness as well. Kindness without non-attachment doesn’t guarantee happiness either.

Happiness is already and always there in oneself. We are disconnected with this happiness when the mind is under the influence of ignorance, egoism, attachment, craving and aversion.

Intelligence and knowledge is neither good nor bad, and has no quality to make anyone happy or unhappy, kind or unkind. We can make use of the intelligence and knowledge to be doing something good or bad for oneself and others, but it also doesn’t guarantee peace and happiness.

Just like a person might have the intelligence, knowledge and skills, to think, to design, to construct, to build a highly ecological and functional beautiful house to live in, but it doesn’t guarantee this person who creates the house, or the people who live in the house will be compassionate, peaceful and happy, be free from being affected, disturbed, influenced or determined by ignorance, selfish desires, egoism, attachment, craving, aversion, pride, arrogance, anger, hatred, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, feelings of hurts, fear and worry. And all these defilements has nothing to do with the degree of intelligence and knowledge about this and that.

Real kindness or compassion, peace and happiness, shine in oneself disregards the degree of intelligence and accumulated knowledge, when oneself is free from all these defilements, stop making oneself miserable and unhappy, and stop hurting oneself or others out of these defilements.

Om shanti.

The practice of unconditional forgiveness and letting go – The essential practice to attain peace…

Real forgiveness is unconditional. When something happened and we felt hurt, angry and unhappy, but we don’t want to be unhappy, and want to be free from anger and being hurt, we need to be able to forgive and let go… In unconditional forgiveness, we do not expect other people to be sincere to ask for forgiveness from us, or be regretful for what they had did, but, we forgive everyone including ourselves for being imperfect, and let go of any anger and hatred that arised and accumulated due to we cannot forgive and let go of what had happened…

Practicing unconditional forgiveness or to forgive and let go unconditionally, is initially about being kind to ourselves, and then it’s about being compassionate towards other beings who had intentionally or unintentionally inflicted the anger, pain or unhappiness in us.

Usually when someone intentionally inflicts unhappiness or generates tensions onto somebody else, it is because he or she is very unhappy and is suffering from anger, hatred and dissatisfaction. We should be compassionate towards them, show them peace and loving kindness, share love and happiness with them, and not being angry with them.

If somebody unintentionally inflicts unhappiness or generates tensions onto somebody else, then why do we still want to be angry and unhappy about it, since it is just an intention-less act comes from beings without the awareness that their action might cause somebody else discomforts… We should be compassionate towards them and show them peace and loving kindness, share love and happiness with them, and not being angry with them as well.

And so, whether anybody had intentionally or unintentionally inflicted any unhappiness or tensions onto somebody else, we should be compassionate towards them, and show them peace and loving kindness to ease their painful suffering that had caused them doing such ignorant action, and not being angry and hating towards anybody at all…

If we are being angry and unhappy about somebody or some undesirable happenings, we are the first one who is getting hurt and will bring harmful effects into our body and the mind. And if we extend this anger or unhappiness onto some other people, we will be hurting other people too. If we don’t know how to forgive and let go, we are actually hurting our own self, and bringing painful suffering to ourselves and others as well.

If we can forgive other people’s imperfections and wrong doings, we actually prevent ourselves and other people from getting further harms into the body and the mind. But first of all, we need to be able to forgive ourselves for our own imperfections and mistakes, then only we can forgive other people’s imperfections and mistakes.

In order to be able to forgive ourselves for being imperfect and accept ourselves as we are, we need to know how to accept ourselves as we are for what we can do and cannot do; for what we had did and haven’t done yet; be able to let go of the past instantly without any judgments, comparisons, criticisms and expectations. We also need to know how to not attach to all the names and forms, and know what is renounce from the fruit of our actions; not identify with the thoughts, feelings and sensations; know how to observe all the thoughts, feelings and sensations without associate with them or react to them, and let them go. We need to be able to accept ourselves as we are, without judgment and expectation, then only we can accept other people as they are, without judgment and expectation… Not expecting other people will be the way that we want them to be.

In order to be able to accept ourselves as we are and accept other people as they are, we need to know how to accept everything in the world as it is; not trying to interfere with the law of nature; not trying to control anything to be the way that we want them to be. At the same time, we also need to allow both “good” and “not good” things to be exist in this same space of the universe. We don’t possess the universe. Everyone and everything has the rights to be exist in this space of the universe just like ourselves being here.

And to start with, we practice observing the natural breath. Just be aware of the natural breath. Be aware of the air coming in and going out from the nostrils during the inhalation and exhalation. Accept the breath as it is. Not trying to interfere, or to control, or to change the pattern or the rhythm of the breath. Let go of any judgments, comparisons and expectations towards the breath and the result of observing the breath.

After inhalation, we have to exhale. After exhalation, we need to inhale. If we try to just inhale and not exhale, we will be in suffering. If we try to just exhale and not inhale, we will be in suffering too. If we try to not inhale nor exhale, we will be in great suffering. What we can do is, allow the breath to be what it is, allowing the inhalation to happen and allowing the exhalation to happen naturally. This is the law of impermanence. Having birth, we need to allow growth, old age, decaying, illness and death to happen, and accept all the different changes in our body and in the mind as it is, from moment to moment. Sometimes we feel good, sometimes we feel bad. Sometimes we have negative thoughts, sometimes we have positive thoughts. Sometimes we experience comfortable sensations, sometimes we experience uncomfortable sensations. Sometimes we act and speak selfishly, but sometimes we act and speak unselfishly. Sometimes we are wise and clear minded, but sometimes we are ignorant and confused in the mind.

Know that we are not the body, we are not the mind. We do not identify with them, and not generate reaction towards what the mind and body is experiencing from moment to moment, nor associate with them. We stand as a witness towards all the changes that is happening in our body and in the mind. We let all these phenomena manifest themselves; stay for a while; they will change and disappear – unceasingly arising and passing away. And then we extend this practice of being an observer, observing all the happenings out there in the world. Everything happens for a reason. If there is no such cause, there will be no such effect. If there is such effect, it is because there is such cause. We all are responsible for all the happenings in our lives and in the world.

Once we understand this, and are able to accept everything as it is, then we can accept ourselves as we are and accept other people as they are without any strong attachment towards all the conflicts and unhappiness that is happening among us and other people, or in any relationships. We are able to forgive and let go. The past is already gone, we can’t go back to the past to change or undo what had happened. Let them be and let them go. The future has not arrived yet, it doesn’t exist in the reality of this present moment. The present moment now is constantly changing from moment to moment.

If earlier I felt very bad, it doesn’t mean that I will continue to feel bad forever. If I was very angry earlier, it doesn’t mean that I will be angry forever. Either I will become more angry or less angry, and sooner or later this feeling of anger will disappear. Especially if we divert our attention onto something else. We can try and experience the truth of impermanence. Try to stay sad and angry for a long time. It will be so tiring and the intensity will becoming less and less. It doesn’t stay constantly the same unchanged. It’s the same for any happy feelings and excitement. They all don’t last long, and will change and disappear. Even the state of calmness is impermanent. If we know how to transcend these three states of the mind (agitation, depression and calmness), we will be free and be at peace all the time.

If we know the truth of impermanence, and able to accept the law of impermanence as it is, we will not have any attachment towards any names and forms, including both happy and unhappy events. We also won’t have any judgments, comparisons, criticisms and expectations towards ourselves and other people.

Once we let go of judgments and expectations towards ourselves and other people, we will be free from anger, irritation, frustration, dissatisfaction and disappointment. And thus we don’t even need to forgive anybody for any unhappy events, or against-our-wish happenings. If we know how to accept the reality of everything as it is, we don’t need to forgive anyone or anything. Because there is nothing there that we need to forgive or need to be letting go. It is only when we cannot accept the truth of thing as it is, because it is not the way that we want it to be, we will be angry, upset, dissatisfied and unhappy.

But if we still be disturbed, affected and determined by all the qualities of names and forms, and still have anger, unhappiness, disappointment and getting upset about someone or something, then we need to cultivate forgiveness to heal ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, and be compassionate towards all beings including those who had inflicted pain and suffering onto us, intentionally or unintentionally…

What is the meaning of being so upset or unhappy about some other people doing something wrong and bad, and make ourselves be in misery due to other people’s ignorance? We don’t have to. Let other people’s wrong doings and ignorance be with their respective owner, and not carry other people’s unhappiness and ignorance into our hearts. Be happy and let go. Life is too precious to waste our time and energy in conflicts, unhappiness, anger and hatred.

Whether other people sincerely ask for our forgiveness or not, we should forgive all and everything that had hurt us intentionally or unintentionally. This is actually being kind and compassionate towards ourselves and other beings. Wish all beings (including ourselves) be free from anger, hatred and guilt, and be at peace…

If we cannot forgive and cannot let go, we will never be in peace… Why do we want to hurt ourselves by being unforgiving and refuse to let go? Free ourselves from anger and hatred is true liberation… Whether other people want to forgive us for our imperfections, and free themselves from anger and hatred or not, even after we asked for forgiveness from them sincerely, that is their own freedom and choices, if they want to continue to be angry and unhappy, and don’t want to forgive and let go… We should respect their freedom to be angry and unhappy, and allow them to be angry and unhappy. We don’t have to feel unhappy and guilty if other people cannot forgive us and cannot let go of their anger and hatred towards us… Let them be what they want to be… When we ourselves are free from anger and hatred, then only we can share love and peace with other people…

If we ourselves cannot forgive and let go, how can we expect other people to forgive and let go? And if we can forgive and let go, then we won’t be bother about what other people did and didn’t do, and whether other people can forgive and let go or not. We can’t be angry with other people who are angry with us for what we have done and cannot forgive us… They have the rights to be angry and unforgiving, and be unhappy and not peaceful… It is their own responsibility to cultivate compassion and be compassionate towards themselves, and practice compassion towards other people, and to forgive and let go, and be in peace…

It is our own responsibility to be compassionate towards ourselves and other beings, to forgive and let go, and be in peace…

Be happy.