Freeing the mind from being conditioned by worldly thinking and belief

The minds that are under the influence of ignorance, that are ignorant towards itself is being conditioned by worldly egoistic social/cultural/religious thinking and belief, are being limited to be in certain ways and not to be in certain ways to feel good, happy and meaningful, or not. There will be judgment or identification of “If I’m like this, I’ll be okay, good and happy. And if I’m not like this, I’ll be not okay, not good and not happy.” or “If life is like this, it’s good and meaningful. And if life is not like this, it’s not good and meaningless.” or “Things/people should be like this or shouldn’t be like that, then it’s right and good, or else it’s bad and wrong.”

Such as many ‘yoga teachers’ would think and believe that they need to attend Internationally recognized ‘yoga teachers training courses’ and be ‘qualified’ and ‘certified’ to be ‘yoga teachers’, to be ‘authorized’ and ‘allowed’ to teach yoga to other people, and need to be attending ongoing ‘yoga courses’ to be upgrading one’s knowledge and teaching skills, and also believing that ‘possessing all these names and forms’ would also make them responsible ‘good’, ‘well-trained’ and ‘well-informed’ yoga teachers. Or, many ‘yoga students’ who think and believe that ‘yoga teachers’ who attended Internationally recognized ‘yoga teachers training courses’ to be ‘qualified’ and ‘certified’ to be ‘Internationally recognized yoga teachers affiliated with such and such yoga alliance/association/organization’ as well as attending ongoing ‘yoga courses’ to be upgrading their knowledge and teaching skills or those who have been ‘teaching yoga’ for such and such years, that they must be ‘good and responsible yoga teachers’, or else, they are not good or responsible yoga teachers. But yoga and teaching yoga to others are not determined by all these names and forms at all.

Such as many people including many yoga enthusiasts and physical/mental health professionals, who think and believe that ‘the practice of silence’, ‘seclusion’, ‘solitude’, ‘dispassion’, ‘renunciation from worldly affairs/ties/connections/relationships/activities/interactions/communications’, ‘refraining the mind from going out chasing after the objects of the senses that stimulate the mind and to gratify the desire of craving and aversion which empower the ego/egoism that feed the ignorance’, or ‘reducing/limiting mind imprints of ceaseless inputs and outputs to silent the restless modification of the mind’ are something ‘sad’, ‘bad’, ‘wrong’, ‘unhealthy’, ‘insane’, ‘mad’, or ‘meaningless’, as all these observances appeared to be contradicted with the ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ worldly thinking/belief/values/behavior/practice/way of living. But, these are the observances that would free the mind from ignorance and suffering.

The egoistic minds that are under the influence of ignorance and egoism need the presence of someone else or something to be constantly acknowledging/validating one’s existence or purpose, or to feel ‘needed/wanted’ by other people, to be acknowledged and identified by oneself and others as “I am a lovable, knowledgeable, intelligent, generous, friendly, helpful, good, kind and caring person who is needed/wanted by other people to be there in their life.”

Meanwhile, the minds that are free from ignorance, that are not being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking and belief, are free being anyway, being undetermined by the quality of names and forms, impermanent changes, time, space and causation (actions and the consequences of actions), without judgment or identification of “If I’m like this, I’ll be okay, good and happy. And if I’m like that, I’ll be not okay, not good and not happy.” or “If life is like this, it’s good and meaningful. And if life is not like this, it’s not good and meaningless.” or “Things/people should be like this or shouldn’t be like that, then it’s right and good, or else it’s bad and wrong.”

The selfless minds that are void of ignorance and egoism don’t need the presence of anyone or anything to be constantly acknowledging/validating one’s existence or purpose, or to feel ‘needed/wanted’ by other people, to be acknowledged and identified by oneself and others as “I am a lovable, knowledgeable, intelligent, generous, friendly, helpful, good, kind and caring person who is needed/wanted by other people to be there in their life.” even though they might be performing actions that are ‘helping’/’supporting’/’benefiting’ other people, without attachment, identification or association.

The minds that are void of ignorance and egoism have no ‘problems/troubles/disturbs/hurts/disappointment/dissatisfaction’ that need to be ‘shared with’ or ‘heard by’ other people, and don’t need other people keep asking oneself “How are you/Are you okay?”, to feel being noticed, acknowledged, heard, understood, sympathized, empathized, cared, liked, loved, helped, supported or touched by ‘other people’.

It’s everyone’s freedom for what and how they think/believe/behave/desire/don’t desire. Only those who have sufficient awareness to be aware of and acknowledge the ignorance in one’s mind would have initiative to free the mind from ignorance.

Being alone doesn’t induce the sense of ‘loneliness’. Being alone is not something sad, bad, or unhealthy. It’s the thinking that is under the influence of worldly social/cultural/religious thinking and belief about “Loneliness is deriving from being alone, and being alone is something sad, bad and unhealthy.” that causing the mind thinks and feels lonely, sad, bad and unhealthy for being alone. As there are many people who are not alone also would suffer from ‘loneliness’, while there are people who often being alone by oneself don’t suffer from ‘loneliness’, neither will they feel disturbed when surrounded by other people, just that they don’t associate/involve with other people’s actions and reactions, and they do not interfere with other people’s different ways of thinking/belief/behavior/practice/living.

Most mental health professionals would suggest and encourage people who suffer from ‘loneliness’ to be with other people, to talk to other people, to interact with other people, or to engage in some form of physical/mental/emotional activities with other people so that they will feel less lonely, and it might make people feel less lonely when their minds are being busy with the engagement with physical/mental/emotional activities with some other people, but it doesn’t really free the mind from the suffering of ‘loneliness’. Because ‘loneliness’ is not caused by being alone, or isolation from other people, or not engaging in any activities with other people.

It’s the egoism of attachment/clinging towards the presence of other people being around and the desire of craving for receiving acknowledgement, attention, empathy, sympathy, love, care, liking, understanding, or support from other people and the attachment/craving towards the mind stimulation of inputs and outputs derived from engaging in social physical/mental/emotional interactions/activities with other people, that the mind feels lonely/miserable/sad/wrong/unhealthy for being alone without any physical/mental/emotional contact with ‘someone’ or ‘something’ for an extended period of time. It’s like the addiction towards certain substances and the mind will feel great/satisfied/happy/relieved momentarily within the effectiveness of the substances, but once the effect of the substances is gone, the mind will crave for getting the effect of the substances again, and again, and it will feel uneasy/unhappy/dissatisfied/irritated/agitated/anxious/aggressive/sad/miserable/sicked if it’s craving for the effect of the substances is not being gratified over an extended period of time.

Just like low self-esteem, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurts, anger, fear, worry, guilt, regret, pride, arrogance, unhappiness, meaninglessness and etc, ‘loneliness’ is the by-products of ignorance and egoism and being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking and belief to think/feel/analyze/judge/behave/desire/act and react towards all the mind perception of names and forms or life experiences in certain ways, it’s not coming from particular environment, condition, situation, people, things or happening being sad, bad, wrong, negative, depressing, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful or unhealthy. Such as by giving the mind what it likes and wants and not giving the mind what it doesn’t like and doesn’t want would give momentary satisfaction to the mind, but it doesn’t free the mind from ‘dissatisfaction’. By doing what the mind likes to do and achieving what the mind wants to achieve might give the mind the momentary sense of confidence, happiness and meaningfulness, but it doesn’t free the mind from the sense of ‘low self-esteem’, ‘unhappiness’ and ‘meaninglessness’.

‘Loneliness’ doesn’t exist in the selfless/’I’less/egoless and silent mind. In silence and selflessness, who is there to perceive/experience/feel/identify with loneliness, low self-esteem, dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness, meaninglessness, hurts, anger, fear, worry, guilt, regret, pride, arrogance and etc?

Be free.

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Be strong and feel empowered?

Many people want to be ‘strong’ and feel ’empowered’, as they think and believe that if they are ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’, they will be ‘belittled’ or ‘intimidated’ by those who are stronger than them, and if they are strong, they won’t become a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’.

In yoga, one doesn’t need to be ‘strong’ or feel ’empowered’ so that one doesn’t become a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of what most minds think and believe as a form of ‘intimidation/belittling’.

One just needs to stop seeing/thinking/believing/identifying oneself as ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’ and one is naturally a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’ that needs to be toughen up and be empowered. One also needs to be free from self-pity as well as expectation or longing for receiving sympathy, empathy, protection, acknowledgement, support, attention, understanding, praise, liking, appreciation, encouragement, or empowerment from others.

It’s stop thinking/believing that oneself or ‘all human beings’ should be treated in certain ways and shouldn’t be treated in certain ways, or oneself deserves to be treated in certain ways while doesn’t deserve to be treated in certain ways.

If the mind is not free from such thinking/belief/identification of “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.” then even though other people are not being intimidating/belittling oneself at all, but one will always feel ‘intimidated’ or ‘belittled’ by other people’s confidence, courage, credibility and straightforwardness, which the perception of being intimidated or belittled is not coming from others, but from within constantly feeling “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.”

Even if other people’s action/speech/behavior is truly unpleasant/unreasonable with the intention to intimidate or belittling oneself, one won’t be intimidated/belittled by that at all, if oneself is free from the thinking/belief/identification of “I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people’s intimidation/belittling.” and would allow other people to act/speak/behave the way as they are, but one is not determined or disturbed by it. Neither does one need to be ‘protected’ from it.

One would stop seeing/perceiving ‘intimidation/belittling’ here and there, but just being aware of people are either being confident, courageous, credible and straightforward as they are which is nothing ‘intimidating/belittling’, or people are acting/speaking/behaving in the way that reflects their state of mind under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, unhappiness, or suffering. Instead of feeling being a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s intimidation/belittling, one will be compassionate towards other people’s unhappiness and suffering.

One will understand that one doesn’t need to be ‘strong’ or feel ’empowered’ at all, as the one who feels weak and vulnerable, who is highly sensitive, who is longing for attention and understanding from other people, who has expectation towards other people’s treatments towards oneself has to be in certain ways and not to be in certain ways, who thinks oneself deserves certain treatments/reactions and doesn’t deserve certain treatments/reactions, who constantly feels intimidated/offended/bullied/victimized/belittled/unattended/unheard/discouraged by other people, who wants to be sympathized, be protected, be heard, be understood, be noticed, be attended, be encouraged, be supported, be liked, be praised, be appreciated and be acknowledged, or who doesn’t like to be unnoticed/unattended, unheard, disliked, disagreed with or criticized, is the ego.

Free the mind from this ego.

One will no longer identify oneself as a ‘target’ or ‘victim’ of other people’s ‘intimidation/belittling’. One stops seeing other people’s action/speech/behavior that one’s mind perceives/recognizes as unpleasant/unreasonable as a form of ‘intimidation/belittling’, while allowing other people to be free to act/speak/behave the way as they are, to express their unhappiness and suffering in the way that they are, that they know.

Those who understand this, they cannot be disturbed/hurt by other people’s ‘unpleasant/unreasonable’ action/speech/behavior, but they can choose to move away in silence. It’s not a weakness to move away in silence towards other people’s ‘unpleasant/unreasonable’ action/speech/behavior, as these people are in suffering/unhappiness, and they don’t know how to express their suffering/unhappiness in a less unpleasant/unreasonable way.

Be free.

Knowledge, talents and skills

Having some knowledge, talents and skills is very useful and helpful for people to be doing something in life. But it’s okay and one doesn’t need to feel bad about oneself, if one thinks oneself doesn’t have much knowledge, talents or skills to be doing something in life.

As by having knowledge, talents and skills also doesn’t guarantee that the mind is free from ignorance and suffering, or is peaceful and be able to forgive and let go something that the mind perceives as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, or ‘hurtful’. The mind might still be disturbed or determined by all the qualities of names and forms that are impermanent and selfless. Some people even use the knowledge, talents and skills that they have to be doing something that cause damages or harmful effects in the world.

Regardless of whether one is knowledgeable, talented and skillful to be doing something constructive/destructive in life, or not, it’s about whether the mind is or isn’t free from ignorance and egoism, that determines whether the mind will be disturbed or undisturbed by all the mind perceptions of names and forms, and whether the mind will have peace, being free from impurities, restlessness and suffering, or not.

People might have the knowledge, talent, skill or money to build the most beautiful functional house to live in, and people might attain some momentary satisfaction and happy feelings for being able to build a beautiful functional house to live in, but it doesn’t guarantee that the people who build the house and those who live in the house are all free from ignorance, egoism, impurities, restlessness and suffering, or won’t be disturbed by all the perceptions of names and forms, and are peaceful and compassionate and be able to forgive and let go something that the mind perceives as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’ and ‘hurtful’.

Make good use of the knowledge, talents and skills that one have to be doing something constructive in life, if possible, but without attachment and identification towards the knowledge, talents and skills as ‘who I am’, without pride or the sense of superiority, and without being determined by one’s action and the fruit of one’s action coming from the knowledge, talents and skills that one have, to feel meaningful and happy, or not.

Self-esteem and confidence

Any issues regarding self-esteem and confidence shouldn’t and doesn’t need to be existing at all. But due to ignorance and egoism, many people depend on self-esteem and confidence to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not. Many people are suffering from mild to severe low self-esteem or low confidence that leads to the sense of meaninglessness and depression. Even many mental and psychological related studies and professionals also preach, think and believe that the development and empowerment of self-esteem and confidence is very important in life existence as human beings and it’s the key to personal and global growth, success and happiness.

Real confidence has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence that builds on physical appearance, condition, ability and achievement, or mental state, ability and achievement, or desirable and undesirable life experiences, or good and bad relationships with parents, family, friends and the rest of the world. It is beyond all these names and forms, when the mind has gone beyond the identification of what the mind thinks is ‘I’ and ‘my’, where this identification of ‘I’ and ‘my’ with the different qualities of names and forms is just a by-product of the worldly thinking and belief, or family, cultural, social and religious belief.

It’s the ego that feels it has to be good enough for something, or for somebody, or for oneself. It also feels that it might be not good enough for something, or for somebody, or for oneself, based on what the thinking and belief recognize as ‘good’ and ‘good enough’, or what is ‘self-esteem and confidence’, ‘success’, ‘happiness’ and ‘meaningfulness’, and the relationship between them, where most people think and believe that ‘high self-esteem and confidence’ is related to ‘success’, and ‘success’ is related to ‘happiness’, while ‘happiness’ is related to ‘meaningfulness’. And many people are suffering because of this thinking and belief or trying to live up to this thinking and belief for their entire life, and passing this thinking and belief from generation to generation.

It’s the idea of ‘I’, or the ego, that needs to feel good about oneself, and wants other people to perceive oneself as good enough, and needs to attain or possess certain qualities of names and forms to be identifying with, that would make one feels good and proud of oneself and also would make other people feel good and proud of oneself, in order to be happy and live life meaningfully.

And all these qualities of names and forms are impermanent and there is no ‘I’ to be found in any of these names and forms, or to be in control of the impermanent changes, to be the way that ‘I’ like it to be. No matter how much influences we can influence the condition of the physical body and the state of the mind, to maintain the function and the life span of the body and the mind, the body and mind will still have to go through inevitable changes of decay, old age, discomfort, illness, weakness, ceased functioning, and decompose, or death.

Once the mind fully understood this, it will be free from the bondage of self-esteem and confidence. There’s no ‘I’ being good or not good enough. There’s neither high nor low self-esteem. There’s neither high nor low confidence.

One doesn’t need to be somebody with particular appearance, condition, ability or achievement, or have certain good and positive life experiences, or good relationships with anyone, in order to feel confident, happy, satisfied or meaningful.

One can have and appreciate all the attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship that is available in the present, but one doesn’t need other people’s attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship in order to feel confident, love, happy or meaningful. If all these qualities of names and forms are not available, one is still happy and peaceful as one is. One doesn’t feel lack of something or missing out anything, or one is not good enough to deserve love, happiness and meaningfulness.

And that’s real confidence. One doesn’t need to be confident or satisfied about oneself at all. One doesn’t need to feel proud of oneself, and doesn’t need other people to feel proud of oneself, to be ‘I’, or the good ‘I’, the successful ‘I’, the happy ‘I’, the meaningful ‘I’. One is happy and peaceful as one is, without any identification with any quality as ‘I’.

There is no thinking or identification of “I am a good and kind human being. I want to do good and be kind and be able to contribute towards humanity.” but goodness, kindness and contribution towards humanity are being manifested and performed through the body and mind out of wisdom and compassion.

If one doesn’t know this, one will always looking for or craving for attaining and possessing certain qualities of names and forms that one would like to relate oneself with, to be identifying with, to feel good and satisfied about oneself, to boost up one’s self-esteem and confidence to be who ‘I’ am, thinking that by attaining and possessing such qualities of names and forms will also make other people to give them the attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship that they want from other people, in order to be happy and feel meaningful. But then one is not free. And that’s one’s freedom of thinking and action.

Be free.

The connection between low self-esteem and parenting

There’s a huge connection between low self-esteem and the way of the parents bring up their children.

Low self-esteem is a form of mental illness. And there are quite many of the world population are suffering from some forms of mental illness, especially low self-esteem.

The main element that contributes to low self-esteem is the family brought up of how the parents bring up their children, where people are being influenced by the trends of the society on how they bring up their children, where the society emphasize on appearance, performance and achievements to be the important values of a society.

People feel that they need to look and behave and carry themselves in certain ways so that they will be accepted and respected by the family and the society. Their perception towards themselves of what they think is who they are and their life existence is very much being defined by their appearance, performance and achievements that is determined by the expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment and criticism from themselves and other people towards them.

Proudness is the shadow that follows low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is absent, proudness doesn’t exist.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem need to feel proud of oneself. This is mainly the responsibility of how their parents brought them up. The parents have expectation towards their children and whether they are aware or unaware, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they are influencing the thinking and belief of their children to become the person that they want them to be and the way that they like it to be, and the way that they think is good for their children. They try to motivate their children to be they way that they like them to be by giving them praise and compliment, and they try to demotivate their children to be the way that they don’t like it to be by giving them criticism and punishment. There’s always assessment and judgment coming from the parents towards their children for how they look and behave, how they perform physically and mentally, and what they achieve or can’t achieve. They will be happy and be nice to their children when their children fulfill their expectation, that they behave and achieve something the way that they like it to be. They won’t be happy or be nice to their children when their children didn’t fulfill their expectation, that they didn’t behave or achieve something the way that they like it to be.

The parents hope that their children are ‘good’ enough and be competent to be able to compete with other people in the society to excel among the others and to be able to fit in into the higher or better class of the society. They want their children to be successful to be respected by the society and live life meaningfully, according to their thinking and belief about what is success and live life meaningfully.

Many parents will say this to their children, whether they are aware or unaware of the consequences of their action and speech, and whether they really mean what they say, or not. But the children will take it seriously, even if the parents didn’t really mean what they say.

“You need to have some sorts of expectation towards yourself to improve and be better. Set up your goal and expectation and strive to achieve your goal and expectation. Then you are considered successful and well-deserved lots of love and happiness and respect from everyone.”

“Good boy/girl! Well done! You make us so proud, mummy and daddy love you so much. Keep it up and be better and better.”

“You are so bad and terrible. Can’t make anyone proud of you. You don’t deserve love from anyone. Mummy and daddy don’t want you anymore. We are so disappointed in you.”

“If you are like this, mummy and daddy don’t want to love you. Look at your sister/brother/friend, they are so much better than you.”

“If you achieve this result, we will give you this and bring you there. If you don’t, we won’t give you this or bring you there. Let you stay at home by yourself. We only bring your brother and sister.”

“Say please and thank you, or else, I won’t give you what you want.”

“Come on, you can do better than this, and you will make everyone proud of you.”

“Are you a good boy/girl, or not? This is not good enough, you can be better than this. If you are very good, then people will love you. If you are not good, then no one will love you.”

This is how the parents nurture their children to grow up becoming people who suffer from all sorts of mental illness.

They always feel bad and dissatisfied with themselves towards the ability, performance and achievements of their physical body and their mind. They always feel that they need to compare and compete with other people, including their siblings, their spouse, their friends, their classmates, their colleagues, their neighbours, and anybody. There is an instinct to constantly judge their and other people’s appearance, ability, performances and achievements to compare and compete with one another. They were being told by their parents to think and believe that they are always not good enough and will never be good enough, that they always have to be better than what they are now. They want to be loved by their parents and everyone, but they think they must first be good enough, and they always afraid of being not good enough for their parents and other people, even though they know they are good enough for themselves. They always longing for praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, especially the parents, siblings, friends and spouse. Or else, they will feel very dissatisfied, disappointed and depressed about themselves and their life.

It’s so tiring to try to fulfill the expectation from their parents and the society and themselves, to be good enough that they can be proud of themselves in order to love themselves, and to please everyone expecting people will like and love and be nice to them, for their whole life, in the family, in love relationship, in friendships, in the school, in the workplace, or in the community. They are defined and determined by their actions and the result of their actions, and other people’s reaction and treatment towards them to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not.

Those who are free from low self-esteem don’t need to feel proud of anything. They don’t feel bad or dissatisfied about themselves for being what they are, as they are. They know what they can achieve and what is their limitation. But they are not defined or determined by their achievement or limitation to be who they are. They don’t need praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from anyone. They are not affected or disturbed or determined by other people’s expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment or criticism towards them. They are not determined or affected by their actions and the result of their actions. They don’t need to be good enough the way that how the world think and believe as good enough in order to love themselves. They love themselves as they are, and they love everyone as they are.

This is the essence of yoga.

There are yoga practitioners including some yoga teachers are not free from the suffering of some forms of mental illness, and it’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about if the mind is not free. Everyone takes their own time to practice and realize the truth and be free.

Learn how to be alone and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored

Solitude or aloneness is being perceived by many people as something terrible or wrong that can happen to a human being. That is because people’s minds are being conditioned to think and believe in that way. And there’s nothing to be argued about as people’s minds are thinking in certain ways and believing in certain beliefs. That’s how people are being taught and brought up by their parents or the society for how people think and what to believe.

Many people never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without clinging onto other people, to be surrounded by other people to be interacting or communicating with them physically and mentally. They will feel lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored, if there is a prolonged period of time that there are no people around them to be interacting with. They constantly looking/craving for physical and mental attention, love and companionship. A lot of time this is because the parents never teach or allow their children to learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. The parents try to give maximum love and attention to their children and make their children always be busy with doing something and interacting with some other people, either mentally or physically, or both. They think this is good for them and to show that they love and care for their children very much.

That is also one of the important elements why there are people suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, unloved, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and so on. The children are being brought up in the way of building up intense attachment towards the love, attention and companionship from one or both of their parents or caretakers, but the parents or caretakers will not be always being by their side, and there will not be always somebody there to give them the attention, love and companionship that they like and want, that they cling onto and crave for. They never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing. Their minds are being used to interactive stimulation, receiving inputs and expressing outputs. These minds can’t stand being silence without any inputs or outputs for a few moments. The sense of loneliness, left out, unloved, unworthiness, depression, meaninglessness and boredom kicks in as soon as they are being away from family and friends that are always being close by physically, to interacting with and doing things together all the time.

Just like for the children without a father or both parents, people might think that by showing them lots of love and attention will help them and benefit them. People like to say, “People need love.” and they think that it means giving or showing love (affection) to other people who need love. But what people really need is realizing the unconditional unlimited love in themselves, without expecting love (affection) through receiving love (affection) from others. If people don’t know how to teach or allow the children to be independent, how to love themselves and how to be alone by themselves, that they can be happy and live life meaningfully as they are, even without one or both of the parents being by their side physically or mentally giving them personal love, attention and companionship, then if the children don’t get enough of love, attention and companionship from the people who are not being there for them all the time, these children will try to cling onto other people looking for attention, love and companionship.

It’s okay that one doesn’t have one or both of the parents being with them or to be there for them. Even if there is one or both of the parents being there for them, it doesn’t mean that the parents have to or will be there all the time, that there are times that one or both of the parents might not be there for them temporary or permanently. And it’s okay.

It’s okay that one doesn’t have anyone or friends and family members being with them or to be there for them. One can love oneself, whether doing something or doing nothing by oneself, and be happy and live life meaningfully being alone by oneself without anyone beside them to interact or communicate with physically or mentally. One has no craving for love, attention and companionship from other beings. One is peaceful as it is, being free from attachment and craving.

But all these children grow up without learning or knowing know how to be alone by themselves, and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. They suffer from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, depression and meaninglessness, if they think there’s no one there being with them or to be there for them, to interact with them, to give them love, attention and companionship.

Sooner or later, everyone will have to deal with solitude or aloneness at some stage in life whether we like it, or not. It is a natural process of life. It’s something wonderful if one knows the truth of aloneness or solitude. Only those who know this, will know.

Those who don’t know, they have strong aversion or fear towards solitude, afraid of being alone by themselves, and they will be suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, meaninglessness and depression if there’s nobody being with them to be interacting or communicating with, physically or mentally. They think and believe that it’s because they are not good enough, that’s why they are being left out, unloved and being alone by themselves, that they are so pitiful without anyone, friends or family being with them, to give them love, attention and companionship, physically or mentally. They always feel that they are not good enough, that they need to be in competition with other people especially their brothers and sisters to get the maximum love and attention from their parents. They need other people to show thankfulness and appreciation for what they have done for others to feel that they and their effort of doing something are being appreciated and acknowledged. They always try very hard to please everybody to make everyone love them and acknowledge them that they are good enough and well-deserved with love and happiness. But, they don’t realize that they don’t have to please anyone to make other people love them. People who love them will love them as they are. Those who don’t love them will not love them even if they try to please these people. And many people will take advantage of the people who want or need to be loved by other people.

Most parents or caretakers don’t realize that it’s how they bring up the children that had caused the children to think and believe like that, to be suffering from love seeking, attention seeking, lack of something, missing something, or craving for something, and suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, meaninglessness, and so on, through out their entire life, unless/until they realize the truth that they don’t have to think and believe and suffer in such way. When they have their own family, that is also how they are going to bring up their children the way that how their parents brought them up, and most probably, their children will also end up like them, unless the children start to think for themselves and realize what is unconditional love from oneself towards oneself.

People also perceive the state of fullness or non-separateness, where one doesn’t need any other beings to be there to show love, attention and companionship, to be interacting with, to feel loved and meaningful, as something horrible or wrong. They think that these people who don’t need other beings being with them to be there for them, without feeling lonely, unloved, unworthy, meaningless, left out or bored, are impossible or insane or hard, and that these people must be so lonely and unhappy and live life meaninglessly for not needing anybody being there for them, where in truth, these people are peaceful, happy and live life meaningfully without being depending on other beings’ love, attention and companionship to life live meaningfully, or to feel loved and worthy, or to be free from loneliness and boredom.

Those who think and believe that they need to have other people’s love, attention and companionship to feel loved and worthy and meaningful, to not feel lonely and bored, are not free at all. But people don’t see that. And that’s their freedom of thinking and believe.

Doesn’t need anyone to be there for one to be happy and live life meaningfully, doesn’t mean that one is rejecting love and companionship from others, but, one will enjoy and appreciate all the love and companionship from others that are available in the present moment, without craving or clinging onto the love and companionship from others to be who they are, to feel happy and meaningful, or not. And when there is absence of love and companionship from others, one is still peaceful and happy and live life meaningfully as one is.

If people still can’t understand this, no one can make them understand. One has to realize this by oneself through direct experience and self-realization. Even some yoga and meditation teachers also don’t understand this. They teach about in order to counter loneliness, boredom, meaninglessness, depression, low self-esteem, or unworthiness, people need to have more friends to interact with, to play with, to communicate with, to share with. And it’s okay.

Be free.

Low self-esteem and the state of being free from pride are two different things

The minds are being conditioned to think and believe in a particular way to categorize everything into good and bad, right and wrong, meaningfulness and meaninglessness, positiveness and negativeness, happiness and unhappiness, appropriateness and disappropriateness, and so on. And once the mind is being conditioned to think and believe in a particular way, it’s not easy to allow the mind to be opened to see things as they are, because the mind naturally and autonomously reasons and analyzes everything based on that particular thinking and belief.

People growing up being fed with many information coming from their parents, care taker, friends, religious teachers, society, medias, and went to school/college/university to learn about many things/subjects and gathering all kind of information, and all these information become part of the thinking and belief to reason and analyze everything. But how many would reason the truth of all these information that is influencing them to reason and analyze everything?

Practicing yoga is to learn to inquire the truth of everything, without the influence of the thinking and belief in the mind, but just to see things as they are. Most of the time, people are just being different from one another, and there’s nothing wrong or sick for being different from one another. But, those who attached strongly onto their own way of thinking, belief and behavior, will perceive other people who think, believe and behave differently from them as something wrong or sick.

Low self-esteem is being categorized as something not good, bad, or negative in the worldly thinking and belief. It is being treated as a form of physical/mental/emotional weakness that they think it would make a person inferior than other people. But, low self-esteem is just another by-product of ignorance and egoism, just like pride, arrogance, unhappiness, anger, hatred, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, animosity, offensiveness, defensiveness, violence, grief, sorrow, agitation, meaninglessness, worthlessness, loneliness, fear and worry, and so on.

If the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, low self-esteem as well as all the other form of impurities won’t exist in the mind.

Worldly minded people think that in order to counter or conquest low self-esteem, they need to develop confidence and proudness through accumulating knowledge, skills, achievements, friendships and widening the social interaction network. But they don’t see where does low self-esteem come from.

The cause of low self-esteem is not because of lack of knowledge, skill, achievement, friendship or limited social interaction network. It is the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism about how a person should think, belief and behave in the society that categorize people into ‘normal’, ‘rightful’, ‘positive’ and ‘healthy’, or ‘abnormal’, ‘wrongful’, ‘negative’ and ‘unhealthy’, is the real cause of why people are suffering from low self-esteem when they try to comply to all the standards of the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism about what is a good and meaningful life that people would feel proud of, but somehow they think they are not good enough when they are unable to achieve the standard of a good and meaningful life that everyone could feel proud of. They were being told to believe that they are not good enough and their life is meaningless, if they don’t achieve something that they can feel proud of themselves, or if they are unable to make other people to feel proud of them.

Even many of the yoga practitioners and teachers in the world are not free from being influence by the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism.
This is a common and ‘normal’ and ‘right’ thing to say in everyday life,
“I am so proud of myself.”
“I am so proud of you.”
“You must be so proud of yourself.”
“My parents are very proud of me.”
“You should be so proud of yourself. How is it possible that you are not proud of yourself?” and so on.

If people didn’t make a statement about “I am so proud of you.” after other people have achieved or done something that they believe as ‘good’ or ‘great’, they will be considered as lack of empathy, unappreciative, stingy to say nice things, or being ‘abnormal’. And people would feel disappointed or upset if other people didn’t say anything about being proud of them, and it makes them think that maybe they are not good enough to be proud of themselves, or they are not good enough to make other people to be proud of them.

And, in order to help people who they think is suffering from low self-esteem, they think that they should constantly telling people, “I am so proud of you.” thinking that this will help people to be free from low self-esteem, so that people won’t feel bad about themselves, and feel good about themselves. What can really help people who are suffering from low self-esteem is allowing them to understand that they are fine as they are, that they can just do their best without the intention of doing something to feel proud of themselves, and they don’t need to make other people to feel proud of them, or they don’t need to keep hearing other people to tell them, “I am so proud of you.” to be happy or to live a meaningful life.

It’s like some people always looking for love and affection or attention from other people. If they don’t hear from other people, “I love you.” or “I miss you.” for some time, they will feel unloved, left out and miserable. And people think that by constantly showing and telling people, “I love you.” will help people to be free from unhappiness or suffering from unloved or low self-esteem, but it doesn’t, because it only empowers the attachment and the craving for love and acknowledgement from others to feel loved and meaningful. What can really help people to be free from the unhappiness or suffering from unloved or lack of love, is allowing them to understand that they don’t need love from others at all, through realizing unconditional love in themselves, by freeing the mind from ignorance and egoism.

It’s the worldly thinking and belief that is why people create unnecessary unhappiness or suffering in themselves, drowning in the desire of craving and ceaselessly longing for love and acknowledgement from other beings, by thinking that human beings should attain love and acknowledgement from one another, to feel loved and meaningful.

Those who are free, They are happy and peaceful as they are. They appreciate all love and acknowledgement from everyone as it is, but they don’t need love or acknowledgement from others to be happy, to feel meaningful, or to be who they are. Even if they have no parents, siblings, children, friends or anyone being there, to show love and care for them or to acknowledged them, they are peaceful as they are.

Worldly minded people would relate or refer the people or children who are being free from pride, who don’t have the need/desire/craving to feel proud about anything as a form of suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-respect/self-love, or worthlessness. They believe that ‘normal’ and ‘mentally healthy’ people must have some sort of pride or proudness about themselves or towards something that is related to them in life, such like be proud of their family background, culture, religion, country, nationality, parents, siblings, children, friends, or things that they like to do or things that they can do, and etc.

Or else, they suggest that people must be suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-respect/self-love, or worthlessness, and it’s ‘abnormal’ and ‘mentally unhealthy’ for someone who doesn’t have the need/desire/craving to feel proud of anything, who response to the question of “Do you feel proud of yourself? You must be so proud of yourself. Your parents and friends must be so proud of you for your achievement.” with the answer of “No. I never feel proud of myself or anything. Why do I need to feel proud of myself? I don’t need anyone to be proud of me either. People can be proud of me if they want. It’s their freedom. It doesn’t matter to me whether people are proud of me, or not. I am what I am. I’m not interested to be what other people want me to be, so that they will be proud of me.”

There are children or people whom the worldly minded think that they are suffering from low self-esteem (which they are not), when they don’t need to feel proud about themselves even when they had achieved great results in school or in career, as the worldly minded think and believe that every normal and mentally healthy person should feel proud of themselves or feel proud of other people around them for being ‘good’ and for achieving ‘great results’ or ‘success’, that it’s something wrong in their brain or mind for not feeling proud for something that the worldly minded think is good and great. But actually, people are peaceful and happy as they are, when they are free from pride or the need/desire/craving to feel proud and meaningful about anything towards oneself and others, which the worldly minded have no understanding at all due to ignorance. These people or children are aware of themselves of what they achieve or don’t achieve, but there’s no identification or attachment towards the quality of names and forms that they possessed or don’t possessed, and there’s no need to depend on anything to feel proud, in order to feel good or meaningful about themselves or about life.

The needlessness to feel proud of anything and the absence of meaninglessness due to the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, and the low self-esteem or the sense of meaninglessness that is due to being informed by the worldly minded to believe that they shouldn’t be contented with being what they are, that they always have to be better than what they are, that they have to achieve certain standards and higher performances to feel good and meaningful, is two completely different things. And, most people become mentally disturbed, when they start to believe what they have been told by other worldly minded people that it’s ‘abnormal’ and ‘wrong’, that they are mentally sick for being different from other ‘normal’ people.

There are children or people who don’t feel the need of friends or companionship from others, who are happy being alone by themselves, or they feel fine and happy without mixing or playing or interacting with other children or people, and there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s not a form of mental illness to be alone, to feel needless to have friends, or it’s needless to be mixing and playing and interacting with other children or people in order to be happy, to feel meaningful, to not feel lonely, or to be ‘normal’.

The children or people who are fine and happy being alone by oneself and don’t need to feel proud or meaningful about anything, they are not mentally sick or in suffering at all. They are happy and peaceful as they are. But worldly minded people don’t think so. They think that these people or children must be so lonely and miserable and meaningless without any friends to play with or interacting with, because that is being planted in their mind, “If you don’t have friends to play with or interacting with, you must be lonely and miserable and meaningless.”

There are people who don’t need to feel sad or grief or mourn for the dead, and being indifferent towards birth and death, it’s not that they are lack of empathy or mentally sick, but they have realized the truth of life existence and have gone beyond ‘normal’ worldly thinking and belief about birth and death, where ‘normal’ people would cheer and celebrate for the newborns as a form of happiness and blessing, and they would grieve and mourn for the dead as a form of painful sorrow and suffering.

Meanwhile, ‘normal’ worldly minded people would feel so unhappy, meaningless, lonely and miserable when they are alone by themselves, when they are not being with other people, thinking that they are being left out and unloved, that no one notice or appreciate them, that no one is there to love and care for them, to be friend with them, or to play and interact with them, constantly craving for and clinging onto ‘friends’ and ‘social interactions’, in order to feel happy, meaningful, loved and ‘normal’, and there is fear and sadness towards solitude, illness, old age, death and separation from the people and things that they love, constantly missing the people and things that they loved when they are out of sight or unavailable. But for them, this is ‘normal’ and ‘mentally healthy’.

No wonder the saints and sages in the past declared that “The awakened ones are awake while the others are asleep.” and “The unawakened ones take suffering as bliss and take bliss as suffering.” There’s no debate can change another person’s mind. It has to come from everyone’s self-realization to realize what is going on in their minds.

Everyone is free for how they want to feel and what they want to do with their body and mind. Allowing everyone to feel what they feel and be different from one another, even if people believe that being prideful and full of passionate desires is ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’, while thinking that it’s ‘abnormal’ and ‘unhealthy’ for other people who are free from pride and passionate desires.

The mind is being hardwired by worldly thinking and belief that based on egoism

Many people are not interested in letting go of the ego, while there are people who are interested in letting go of the ego, but they find that it’s not that easy to be free from the ego or egoism. This is because the mind is being hardwired by worldly thinking and belief that based on egoism.

The moment we were born into this world we were being nurtured under the worldly thinking and belief that based on egoism to identify this life existence of a body and a mind with certain qualities of names and forms to possess a strong worldly personal identity of “This is I”, “This is what I am”, “This is who I am”, “This is where I came from/belong”, “This is what I should believe”, “This is how I should think, behave, act, react and feel”, “This is good and right” or “This is bad and wrong”, “This is successful and meaningful” or “This is failure and meaningless”, “This is happiness” or “This is unhappiness”, and etc. We were being told that “This is who I am”, and if we behave like this and achieve this ‘quality’, then “I am good” or “I deserve happiness”, while if we behave like that and don’t achieve this ‘quality’, then “I am bad” or “I don’t deserve happiness”.

Human beings are being hardwired by the worldly thinking and belief that are influenced by a particular heritage/cultural/religious/political/social belief, values and ethics to feel good or happy or proud/meaningful about oneself or one’s existence if one conforms to that particular thinking and belief to live life, to behave, to act and react, or to think and feel. As well as to feel bad or unhappy or guilt/shameful about oneself or one’s existence if one doesn’t conform to that particular thinking and belief to live life, to behave, to act and react, or to think and feel.

The sense of belonging is one of the characteristics of the ego. Human beings are being hardwired to think and believe that everyone should attached onto and identified themselves with a personal identity as well as a group identity that make them feel that this is “who I am” and “where I belong”. It’s very difficult for many people to understand that the life existence of a body and a mind doesn’t really need any identifications or sense of belonging to be ‘somebody’, to feel secured, proud, good, confident or meaningful. Even ‘psychologists’ who deal with psychology problems (especially low self-esteem and depression), believe that human beings need to/should attached onto and identify themselves with a ‘strong’ personal identity as well as a group identity that make them feel that this is “who I am” and “where I belong”, to feel secured, proud, good, confident and meaningful about themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, just that it doesn’t stop people from continuously be disturbed or determined by craving and aversion towards all the perceptions of names and forms, and experience suffering. As people are still not free from the root cause of all kinds of affliction and suffering – ignorance and egoism.

Ignorance doesn’t allow the mind to know that it can be free, peaceful, happy and live life meaningfully as it is, without any personal identifications or sense of belonging, being free from all kinds of insecurity, low self-esteem, meaninglessness, void, loneliness, craving, fear, affliction or suffering that arise due to ignorance and egoism.

Ignorance and egoism stop people from letting go of the ego or worldly personal identity with some qualities of names and forms. There is huge fear of the unknown. The mind doesn’t know why, but there is great fear or resistance towards not being ‘somebody’ that will make ‘I’ and other people to feel proud of.

Based on the thinking and belief that was being hardwired into the mind about what is good and bad, right and wrong, should and shouldn’t, that influence how one should think and behave and feel, the ego constantly judges itself as well as others, and has great expectation towards oneself and others to conform to that thinking and belief to think and behave and feel towards everything that the mind perceives or experiences through the senses. The ego ceaselessly looking for acceptance, approval, support, acknowledgement, agreement, attention, liking, love, respect, praise and compliment from the world or the society that it thinks it belongs to. The ego doesn’t want to possess or be related to anything that doesn’t conform to that thinking and belief. It will feel bad or shameful about itself and others who doesn’t conform to that thinking and belief. It wants to build a worthy reputation as well as would do anything to protect that reputation at any cost.

Even those who are practicing yoga, would also identify themselves as ‘such and such’ yogi, ‘I’ practice ‘such and such’ yoga, ‘I’ came from/belong to ‘such and such’ yoga lineage/school/group/community/affiliation, or ‘I’ have ‘such and such’ certifications and qualifications and years of experience.

It’s up to everyone’s self-inquiry and self-realization whether one will realize what is going on in this mind and be free from ignorance and egoism, or not.

Being strong vs real strength…

We think that we need to be strong, hard and aggressive to protect ourselves from being bullied or hurt by other people… But if we are really that strong, why do we still need to “be” strong, hard and aggressive to “protect” ourselves?

That means we are not really strong. We “pretend” to be strong. This is due to low self-esteem, not trusting ourselves, and need to depend on some external “protection shields” of being hard and aggressive to “protect” or to defend ourselves from potential bullies and hurts. Because of this sense of defensiveness, we will become offensive even before other people try to “bully” or “offend” us. In fact, nobody has the intention to bully us, it is our own fear and projection, thinking that “All these people are going to bully me, and so, I have to defend myself, I need to be strong and aggressive, so that I attack them first before anyone attacks me…”

Those who are truly strong, they don’t need to show that they are strong by being hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive. Instead their whole being projects gentleness and calmness.

Real strength comes from compassion and wisdom. It is being compassionate and wise. It is being free from doubts, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, low self-esteem, aggressiveness, violence, offensiveness, defensiveness, agitation, depression, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and attachment towards qualities of names and forms… There is no fear towards other people’s harshness, aggressiveness, bully or “potential” bully, offensiveness, arrogance, jealousy, criticism, condemn, slander, unfriendliness, and etc…

We are able to tolerate, adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand, forbear and accept…

We are able to accept the reality of the present moment now as it is, not necessarily the way that we like it to be. We are able to adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand and forbear any uncomfortable conditions and situations that we don’t like or disagree with…

We are able to perform actions without being influenced by any impurities in the mind. We are able to perform actions to help everyone including ourselves to evolve, to be peaceful and happy…

We are able to perform all our duties and responsibilities without attachment, without judgment, comparison and expectation. We perform actions and renounce from the result or the fruit of actions…

This is real strength.

We don’t need to be hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive to “protect” ourselves from getting bully or hurt from anyone…

It doesn’t matter what are the behaviors, actions and reactions of other people towards us, it is our own ego doesn’t like or disagree with their behaviors, actions and reactions, and feels irritated and unhappy about them. It is our ego that feels that we are weak, but we don’t like to be weak and don’t want other people to think that we are weak, and so we “pretend” to be strong, by being hard and aggressive to defend ourselves from any potential “attacks” from anyone…

No one can bully or hurt us but our own mind creations of fear. It is our own mind being ignorant and influenced by impurities… It is absence of compassion and wisdom.

Whenever we feel irritated or getting angry about other people’s offensive behavior, it is ourselves being defensive… We feel offended by other people’s actions and speech… It is coming from being low self-esteem and feel being intimidated by other people’s confidence all the time. This intimidation is not coming from other people. No one can intimidate us unless we allow that to happen by being low self-esteem. It is our own low self-esteem thinking that other people are trying to press us down, or bully us, or hurt us… Even if other people have the intention to intimidate us, but it won’t affect us if we are truly confident…

If  we don’t like other people to contradict with our actions and speech, we like and want other people to agree and support our actions and speech, as we will feel irritated, frustrated and unhappy when other people don’t like and disagree with us or our actions and speech, but out of our own offensiveness and defensiveness, we constantly contradict with other people’s actions and speech, criticize and attack other people with harsh speech and aggressiveness, then how can we expect other people not to be offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness? And when other people feel offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness, and react by being aggressive towards us, and we criticize them as “aggressive people” who bully and hurt us, and blame them for causing us painful sorrow and unhappiness?

When we start to attack other people with aggressiveness to show that “I am stronger than you, and I won’t let you bully or hurt me…”, then make sure that we will take full responsibility towards the consequences of our aggressive behavior… Don’t blame other people for being aggressive towards us.

And if there’s somebody is being aggressive towards us even though we didn’t offend anyone intentionally, we can choose to be gentle and remain calm, and move away… Allow this person to express what he or she wants to express, and let him or her be irritated and unhappy for being aggressive. We don’t have to disturb our own peace and happiness by throwing back aggressiveness towards him or her… Or we can choose to feel offended and start to be aggressive and offensive to defend ourselves and be irritated, frustrated and unhappy.

Om shanti.