Learn how to be alone and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored

Solitude or aloneness is being perceived by many people as something terrible or wrong that can happen to a human being. That is because people’s minds are being conditioned to think and believe in that way. And there’s nothing to be argued about as people’s minds are thinking in certain ways and believing in certain beliefs. That’s how people are being taught and brought up by their parents or the society for how people think and what to believe.

Many people never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without clinging onto other people, to be surrounded by other people to be interacting or communicating with them physically and mentally. They will feel lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored, if there is a prolonged period of time that there are no people around them to be interacting with. They constantly looking/craving for physical and mental attention, love and companionship. A lot of time this is because the parents never teach or allow their children to learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. The parents try to give maximum love and attention to their children and make their children always be busy with doing something and interacting with some other people, either mentally or physically, or both. They think this is good for them and to show that they love and care for their children very much.

That is also one of the important elements why there are people suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, unloved, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and so on. The children are being brought up in the way of building up intense attachment towards the love, attention and companionship from one or both of their parents or caretakers, but the parents or caretakers will not be always being by their side, and there will not be always somebody there to give them the attention, love and companionship that they like and want, that they cling onto and crave for. They never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing. Their minds are being used to interactive stimulation, receiving inputs and expressing outputs. These minds can’t stand being silence without any inputs or outputs for a few moments. The sense of loneliness, left out, unloved, unworthiness, depression, meaninglessness and boredom kicks in as soon as they are being away from family and friends that are always being close by physically, to interacting with and doing things together all the time.

Just like for the children without a father or both parents, people might think that by showing them lots of love and attention will help them and benefit them. People like to say, “People need love.” and they think that it means giving or showing love (affection) to other people who need love. But what people really need is realizing the unconditional unlimited love in themselves, without expecting love (affection) through receiving love (affection) from others. If people don’t know how to teach or allow the children to be independent, how to love themselves and how to be alone by themselves, that they can be happy and live life meaningfully as they are, even without one or both of the parents being by their side physically or mentally giving them personal love, attention and companionship, then if the children don’t get enough of love, attention and companionship from the people who are not being there for them all the time, these children will try to cling onto other people looking for attention, love and companionship.

It’s okay that one doesn’t have one or both of the parents being with them or to be there for them. Even if there is one or both of the parents being there for them, it doesn’t mean that the parents have to or will be there all the time, that there are times that one or both of the parents might not be there for them temporary or permanently. And it’s okay.

It’s okay that one doesn’t have anyone or friends and family members being with them or to be there for them. One can love oneself, whether doing something or doing nothing by oneself, and be happy and live life meaningfully being alone by oneself without anyone beside them to interact or communicate with physically or mentally. One has no craving for love, attention and companionship from other beings. One is peaceful as it is, being free from attachment and craving.

But all these children grow up without learning or knowing know how to be alone by themselves, and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. They suffer from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, depression and meaninglessness, if they think there’s no one there being with them or to be there for them, to interact with them, to give them love, attention and companionship.

Sooner or later, everyone will have to deal with solitude or aloneness at some stage in life whether we like it, or not. It is a natural process of life. It’s something wonderful if one knows the truth of aloneness or solitude. Only those who know this, will know.

Those who don’t know, they have strong aversion or fear towards solitude, afraid of being alone by themselves, and they will be suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, meaninglessness and depression if there’s nobody being with them to be interacting or communicating with, physically or mentally. They think and believe that it’s because they are not good enough, that’s why they are being left out, unloved and being alone by themselves, that they are so pitiful without anyone, friends or family being with them, to give them love, attention and companionship, physically or mentally. They always feel that they are not good enough, that they need to be in competition with other people especially their brothers and sisters to get the maximum love and attention from their parents. They need other people to show thankfulness and appreciation for what they have done for others to feel that they and their effort of doing something are being appreciated and acknowledged. They always try very hard to please everybody to make everyone love them and acknowledge them that they are good enough and well-deserved with love and happiness. But, they don’t realize that they don’t have to please anyone to make other people love them. People who love them will love them as they are. Those who don’t love them will not love them even if they try to please these people. And many people will take advantage of the people who want or need to be loved by other people.

Most parents or caretakers don’t realize that it’s how they bring up the children that had caused the children to think and believe like that, to be suffering from love seeking, attention seeking, lack of something, missing something, or craving for something, and suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, meaninglessness, and so on, through out their entire life, unless/until they realize the truth that they don’t have to think and believe and suffer in such way. When they have their own family, that is also how they are going to bring up their children the way that how their parents brought them up, and most probably, their children will also end up like them, unless the children start to think for themselves and realize what is unconditional love from oneself towards oneself.

People also perceive the state of fullness or non-separateness, where one doesn’t need any other beings to be there to show love, attention and companionship, to be interacting with, to feel loved and meaningful, as something horrible or wrong. They think that these people who don’t need other beings being with them to be there for them, without feeling lonely, unloved, unworthy, meaningless, left out or bored, are impossible or insane or hard, and that these people must be so lonely and unhappy and live life meaninglessly for not needing anybody being there for them, where in truth, these people are peaceful, happy and live life meaningfully without being depending on other beings’ love, attention and companionship to life live meaningfully, or to feel loved and worthy, or to be free from loneliness and boredom.

Those who think and believe that they need to have other people’s love, attention and companionship to feel loved and worthy and meaningful, to not feel lonely and bored, are not free at all. But people don’t see that. And that’s their freedom of thinking and believe.

Doesn’t need anyone to be there for one to be happy and live life meaningfully, doesn’t mean that one is rejecting love and companionship from others, but, one will enjoy and appreciate all the love and companionship from others that are available in the present moment, without craving or clinging onto the love and companionship from others to be who they are, to feel happy and meaningful, or not. And when there is absence of love and companionship from others, one is still peaceful and happy and live life meaningfully as one is.

If people still can’t understand this, no one can make them understand. One has to realize this by oneself through direct experience and self-realization. Even some yoga and meditation teachers also don’t understand this. They teach about in order to counter loneliness, boredom, meaninglessness, depression, low self-esteem, or unworthiness, people need to have more friends to interact with, to play with, to communicate with, to share with. And it’s okay.

Be free.

Advertisements

Suffering is not due to bad karma, but ignorance

Not everyone believe in karma, but there are quite some people believe in karma, especially in Asian culture.

A lot of time, people would relate or refer any kind of suffering as the result of bad karma (the consequences of bad actions). If someone is going through some kinds of difficult situation or very unpleasant condition or painful experiences in life, where the body and/or the mind has to go through certain difficulty or pain, people would say, “Oh, this is due to bad karma. And it’s good to go through suffering to burn-off the past accumulated bad karma.” Although by saying so, it might make the person who is suffering feels a little better and make it easier to deal with suffering, but most suffering is unnecessary and can be avoided if we know how to avoid behaving ignorantly.

People like to give their opinion and say, “Oh. Such a terrible bad karma exists in your family. Your family has to go through all these suffering is because of your family past bad karma. You all must have done lots of bad things in the past. That’s why your family has to suffer so much for it in this life.” This is such ignorant thinking and belief and saying.

Even good people who have been doing a lot of good and right actions, and didn’t do much bad or wrong in this world, and for those who believe that they have been accumulated lots of good karma in their past life are not excluded from experiencing physical, emotional and mental suffering if their minds are not free from ignorance and egoism. People like to say, “You are such a good person. You don’t deserve all these suffering. It must be bad karma from your past life.” And this is ignorant thinking and belief and saying.

For the strong ego, it would prefer to blame on past life bad karma for its suffering, than to acknowledge and admit that it’s due to its ignorance in the present.

Those who know about suffering and the cause of suffering do not blame on past life and bad karma. It’s ignorant behavior of actions and reactions in this life existence that people end up in many unnecessary suffering.

Most suffering is truly unnecessary, and the cause of these suffering is ignorance that gives rise to ignorant behavior, that leads to the consequences of ignorant behavior, which is unnecessary suffering that doesn’t has to be existing in the first place.

For example, if a person is suffering from an illness, which is treatable and not too complicated, if the illness is being treated properly and immediately, but for some reasons, due to ignorance, one is not getting the proper treatment immediately, and this person has to suffer more painful consequences that could be avoided in the first place, and/or it might be too late to do anything even though one tries to get the proper treatment later on.

Another example, one who ignores the little small problems that arise in life which could be solved easily and immediately, but for some reasons, due to ignorance, all the unattended little small problems would turn into serious unsolvable big problems. And it might be too late to do anything even if one realizes and regrets towards one’s ignorance.

Another example, one who knows that by mixing with those who have strong influence in getting into unnecessary troubles and by taking certain substances to get high can turn into addiction that would cause many forms of complication in health, life and relationship with others, but still want to take those substances to get high and hang out with those who have strong influence in getting into unnecessary troubles, and ends up in unnecessary suffering and troubles. That’s pure ignorance.

And for another example, due to the strong ego, one pushes the body and mind beyond its limitation to achieve what the ego wants to achieve, and causing unnecessary damages into the body and mind, losing one’s mobility and sanity, and requiring intensive care from others. This is not because bad karma. It’s purely ignorance.

Due to ignorance, egoism and impurities of dissatisfaction, disappointment, lust, desires, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, hurt, guilt, offensiveness, defensiveness, pride, arrogance, fear and worry, and so on, one would generate actions and reactions that give rise to unnecessary suffering onto oneself and affecting others either directly or indirectly.

Even the most intelligent or virtue person in this world also can’t escape the fundamental suffering of a life existence that is under the function of the physical body and mind perception of names and forms that is subject to impermanent changes and selflessness (All the impermanent changes and perception of names and forms are not in the control of an ‘I’, or how ‘I’ would like it to be).

If one is free from ignorance, then even though one is going through some kind of physical and/or mental suffering, one will not generate or react with further ignorant reactions that would bring further ignorant consequences. One would know how to transcend or go beyond the difficult condition, or unpleasant and painful experiences with correct understanding, wisdom and compassion, and remain equanimous being at peace, being undisturbed or undetermined by it, while being aware of the difficult condition, or unpleasant and painful experiences are impermanent and it’s not ‘I’.

Past life and karma (whether good or bad, easy or difficult) doesn’t mean anything to the one who has realized unconditional peace and love, who is free from ignorance. There’s no fear or aversion towards difficult condition, or unpleasant and painful experiences. There’s no clinging or craving towards easy condition, or pleasant and enjoyable experiences.

Feel offended by other people’s ‘non-sociable’ personality or practice of silence?

Walk alone, live alone, eat alone and meditate alone. Cut off all connections ruthlessly. Hide yourself away. Do not build ashram. Do not hoard disciples. Do not mix. Do not associate.

– Swami Sivananda (excerpts from Concentration and Meditation)

Many friendly sociable good people who are interested in yoga and meditation practice, but somehow, they don’t really understand the core teachings and practice of yoga and meditation of silencing the mind, would feel very intimidated or offended by the teachings and practice of turning the mind inwards for self-introspection and silencing the mind, through the practice of seclusion and solitude (cutting off from all social interactions and connections), where the sociable friendly good people would feel very uncomfortable and intimidated being with those who do not engage in social interactive activity and conversation. They criticize people who observe silence, seclusion and solitude as being ‘unfriendly’, as their minds are being conditioned by certain ideas and standards to categorize people into ‘friendly people’ or ‘unfriendly people’ in the social world based on what they think is friendliness and unfriendliness.

Those who don’t talk much, or don’t engage in a social interactive conversation with other people, or don’t invade or interfere with other people’s way of life, thinking and behavior, who don’t comment or acknowledge about other people (whether it’s something good or bad), are being recognized as ‘unfriendly’ or ‘uncaring’ in the sociable society.

“People in a room do not talk to each other is so wrong.” This is the thinking and belief of the worldly minded people.

People attending a ‘silent meditation retreat/course’ complain about people in the retreat/course are so unfriendly because they don’t talk or interactive with one another?!

But what kind of bad actions have these people who are being perceived by friendly sociable good people as ‘unfriendly and uncaring people’ done to other people? Nothing. In fact, they are helping the world to have less conflict and have more peace by observing silence when they do not go around judging or expecting other people to be in certain ways that they think it should be. They do their own things and don’t invade or interfere with other people’s way of life and do not generate inconvenience for other people. That is already a great contribution to the society. We should be grateful and thankful to them.

The nature of those who observe silence appear to be ‘not fun’, non-concerning and non-engaging with other friendly sociable people who expect all human beings should be fun to hang out with, should be active in social interaction, to be talkative, to be engaging and connecting with other human beings physically and verbally, it’s not surprised that why people feel ‘wrong’, ‘awkward’, ‘unwelcome’, ‘disrespected’, ‘hurt’, ‘offended’, ‘intimidated’, ‘unconcerned’, ‘unnoticed’, ‘unacknowledged’, and so on, when they come in contact with those who observe silence. All these reactions of a disturbed state of the mind are coming from their own minds reacting towards something that they dislike and disagree with, and it’s nothing to do with whether other people are being ‘friendly’ to them, or not.

People would feel disturbed and offended by other people whom they think are not being ‘friendly’ enough towards them, as they expect friendly treatment from others the way that they think it should be. There’s an issue with themselves, not with other people. Other people have the freedom to be friendly or unfriendly towards anyone.

Because of most friendly sociable good people would feel greatly disturbed and offended by other people who observe silence of the mind, that’s why it’s better for yoga and meditation practitioners to retreat from the society to observe seclusion and solitude.

‘Friendliness’ in the path of yoga and meditation is nothing to do with accumulating friendships, constantly visiting each other to stay connecting, to be hanging out from time to time to do some social activities together, and get into worldly conversation of commentary, criticism, mocking, flirting, boasting, story telling, mourning, grumbling, debate and discussion, and so on. ‘Friendliness’ in Yoga is when the mind is being free from ill-thinking, ill-will, anger, hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, offensiveness, defensiveness, judgment, expectation, interference, invasion, violence or hostility towards all and everyone, free from discrimination of friends or not friends, superiority or inferiority that based on personal likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements.

When people don’t do anything that intentionally to hurt us, or disturb our peaceful life, or cause inconvenience to us, or interfere with our freedom of thinking, action and speech or way of life and conduct, that is what true friendliness is about.

When people in the society who think they are friendly people criticizing or mocking those whom they think are unfriendly people, then they don’t know the true meaning of friendliness, as themselves are being unfriendly, by having such ill-thinking and criticism towards other people whom they feel offended or intimidated by their silence of action and speech, and they interfere with other people’s freedom of actions, to act or not to act (whether to talk to another being, or not talking to anyone, where not talking to other people when there are people around expecting people should talk to one another is being perceived as unfriendly, offensive and wrong for the worldly friendly sociable good people.)

There is nothing wrong, offensive or intimidating when people have no interest to engage in any ‘friendly’ and ‘caring’ conversation with us. But the expectation from us towards other people that all ‘normal’ and ‘good’ people must somehow be engaging in interactive conversation with us to show friendliness to us, is what make us feel offended, intimidated, or wrong, when we don’t receive the interaction the way that we expect it to be. We are the one who is intimidating and offending other people’s freedom of behavior. But we don’t see it this way.

If people truly love the world and want to build a peaceful harmony society, it’s not about expecting other people to conform to our own way of life, thinking, belief, culture and behavior that we think is the way it should be. But it’s to respect everyone to be different and allowing everyone to be different, without invading or interfering with other people’s way of life, thinking, belief and behavior that are different from ours.

It’s okay if people don’t want to be sociable with other people. It’s okay if people are not interested in engaging in some forms of interactive activities or conversation with us. It’s okay if people keep to themselves and are not interested to connect with anyone to live a quiet secluded life. At least they don’t do anything intentionally that would hurt or disturb our life or the environment. If we feel disturbed is because we are disturbed by our own mind reaction towards their behavior that we dislike and disagree with.

When people talk too much, or talk non-sense or subject that we aren’t interested in, especially when we want some quiet time to ourselves, or people want to know too many things that we prefer to keep to ourselves, we complain about them for being overly warm and too friendly and busybody.

When people don’t talk to us or interact with us, and don’t ask anything about us that we would like to share with other people, we also complain about them for being ‘cold’ and ‘unfriendly’ and ‘uncaring’.

Be free.

Go beyond the balanced and imbalanced state of the mind

Depression is not uncommon and is a sensitive subject to deal with, and it doesn’t exclude those whom the society believe are good, loving, generous, friendly, physically active, fit and healthy people, as well as those who have been doing yoga and meditation practice. It’s a form of mental illness.

Mental illness or mind blockage is neither a good nor a bad thing, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Different people might suffer different level of depression and might require different approach/counteract to counter the depression.

Though there is nothing wrong or bad or negative or shameful about someone is suffering from depression, there are people might not know how to deal with their own depression or with other people around them who are suffering from depression.

For many people, it’s normal that occasionally, the mind would feel unhappy, sad or down about something that they experience that their minds recognize as something ‘sad’ or ‘depressing’, or when they are not getting what they like and want or they are getting what they don’t like and don’t want, or when they think their lives are lack of something that would give them the sense of liveliness, goodness, positiveness, happiness, or meaningfulness. Once they found or attained something that would give them the sense of liveliness, goodness, positiveness, happiness and meaningfulness, when they experience something that they like and want, and when they don’t experience something that they don’t like and don’t want, they would stop feeling unhappy, or sad, or down. But this is not the same as those who suffer from depression.

For those who suffer from depression, depression is just what it is that is not in their free-will or control towards how they feel. The mind is just being in a ‘involuntary’ state of depression under the influence of chemical hormonal imbalanced that may require the help of medical treatment to get out of depression, as depression is not determined by whether their life experiences are ‘lively or lifeless’, ‘good or bad’, ‘positive or negative’, ‘joyful or sorrowful’, or ‘meaningful or meaningless’, or whether they have a cheerful and positive personality, or whether they are surrounded by positive and cheerful people who love them and care for them. The depression is there, even though life is all good and there are many people around them that are cheerful, loving and caring.

Those who suffer from depression are getting the direct experience of the teaching of yoga that the function of the body and mind is not in the control of ‘I’, they don’t belong to ‘I’, and they are not ‘I’. Even though the function of the body and mind is not in the control of ‘I’, but out of compassion, people can perform necessary actions that can influence the state of their minds to regain stability or balance.

There are people don’t understand depression and they might get impatient with or be annoyed by other people’s state of depression, and they ‘advise’ or tell people who are suffering from depression to be grateful for the good things that they have and to stop being depressed, because they think it’s wasting time and energy, and it’s meaningless to be depressed most of the time, especially when there’s no reason to be depressed, as they feel that it’s quite ‘depressing’ for them to deal with or be with people who suffer from depression. Some close family members or friends might feel guilty that they couldn’t help much no matter how much they show love and care for their loved one who suffers depression or any kind of mental illness.

We can’t tell people who suffer depression to ‘just get over it’ or ‘please stop being depressed’ as it is really not in their control or free-will towards how they feel or the state of their mind. Maybe there are some people in the world enjoy being depressed, but most people don’t like to be depressed. Most people want to feel good and happy most of the time.

Everyone has their freedom for how they feel and think. The people who suffer depression are allowed to feel depressed and be depressed, even though they don’t want to feel depressed, but they have no control over it. While the people who get annoyed by other people’s depression also are allowed to be affected and feel annoyed. There are people don’t have empathy or compassion towards other people’s suffering, and that itself is also a natural form of mental illness or mind blockage as well. If we understand that there are different types of mental illness or mind blockage, we won’t be just being compassionate towards those who are suffering from depression, but we would also be compassionate towards those who are lack of empathy and compassion towards other people who suffer from depression.

Yoga practice such like ‘proper’ yoga asana practice with correct understanding (non-judgmental, non-perfection, non-competitive and non-fitness challenging), breathing exercises, chanting and etc, can help to balance the state of the mind and relieve the state of depression up to a certain extent, but even the balancing effect derived from the yoga practice is impermanent, and it’s not a guarantee that after we have been doing yoga practice for some time, we will be immune to depression or any other kind of mental illness, even if our physical body is becoming more fit and healthy from the regular yoga practice.

If the yoga practitioners actually practice yoga according to the essential teachings of yoga of freeing the mind from ignorance and egoism, learning how to go beyond the balanced and imbalanced state of the mind through the realization of the truth of the mind and suffering, and realized SELFLESSNESS and unconditional peace and love that is beyond all states of the mind and the impermanent function and condition of the physical body, and all the mind perception of different qualities of names and forms, then depression is just one of the condition of the mind that is not ‘I’ and it’s not a suffering.

When the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, then it doesn’t matter whether the mind is occasionally be affected or disturbed by the perceived qualities of names and forms, and feel unhappy, sad or depressed about something that the mind recognizes as ‘unhappy’, ‘sad’, and ‘depressing’, or there is depression in the mind caused by the chemical hormonal imbalanced, there is an awareness being aware of the mind is in a state of unhappiness or there is depression in the mind, being aware of what is going on in the mind, but there’s no judgment, attachment, identification, craving or aversion, and most importantly, knowing that it’s impermanent and it’s not ‘I’.

The realization of the truth of the mind and suffering, being free from ignorance and egoism doesn’t stop the truth of changes, decay, old age, sickness, and death or decomposition. All the saints and sages in the past had showed us the truth as it is. The mind could be liberated from ignorance, egoism and suffering, but, the life existence of the body with the function of the mind will still have to go through impermanent changes of decay, old age, sickness, pain, weakness, and death or decomposition. And upon the realization of the truth, all impermanent changes, decay, old age, sickness, pain, weakness and death, are not ‘suffering’. There is no suffering even though the body and mind are going through changes, decay, old age, discomfort, pain, unpleasantness, or some other limitation.

The mind that is not free from ignorance and egoism, would perceive depression as something ‘horrible’ and have aversion towards ‘depression’, and either it would hate itself for suffering from depression or it would generate self-pity, and would expect sympathy and empathy from others. And it feels more depressed if it doesn’t get the sympathy and empathy from others. And others who show sympathy and empathy towards those who suffer from depression might criticize others who don’t show sympathy or empathy, which they think and believe as ‘normal’ human being, everyone should have sympathy and empathy towards other people’s suffering.

The mind that is suffering from depression, but is free from ignorance and egoism and suffering, doesn’t need self-pity or sympathy and empathy from others, as that is unnecessary for a liberated mind. Meanwhile this mind allows other people to show sympathy and be empathetic towards this mind that suffers from depression, or not. And those who are free from ignorance and egoism might show sympathy and empathy towards other people’s suffering but there’s no expectation that other people should also or be morally obliged to show sympathy and empathy towards other people’s suffering, and they won’t be disturbed by other people being non-sympathetic or non-empathetic, because they understand that under the influence of ignorance and egoism, or being unable to be sympathetic or empathetic is also a form of mental illness or mind blockage.

Out of compassion, the selfless mind will help itself with necessary actions or even receiving medical treatments that can help to counter depression if required, to influence and balance the state of the mind, and if the mind is still not free from the state of depression after all kinds of effort being done, there’s no judgment, disappointment and criticism. There’s no expectation that the mind has to be in a good and balanced state or be completely cleared from depression after all the efforts and actions have been done to help to counter depression.

It’s okay if the mind is not okay in this moment. Be compassionate towards this mind that is not okay in this present moment, even though this condition might last for a prolonged period of time, but still, it’s impermanent and it’s not ‘I’.

Be free.

Truthfulness and worldly social mingling and interaction

To practice truthfulness (one of the basic practice of yoga), we learn how to minimize as much as possible from engaging in worldly social mingling and interaction, because these worldly social activities empower egoism and strengthen worldly ideas, which is the opposite of yoga practice.

If we analyze our daily interactions and conversations with other people, we will see that it’s mostly about the empowerment of egoistic personal and worldly attachment, identification, judgment, comparison, expectation, desires of craving and aversion, the past and the future. Yoga practice is to free the mind from all these mind activities of egoism. There is also intentional and unintentional hypocrisy, untruthfulness and ego flattering elements in many of the social interactions and conversations.

It’s a normal cultural social politeness for many people to be HYPOCRITE and UNTRUTHFUL and FLATTERING when interacting with other people, to maintain ‘good relationship’ with everyone in the society and this game of hypocrisy and untruthfulness exists even among family members, couples and friends.

Most people don’t want to know the truth as the truth is not necessarily something that they like or agree with.

Since little, everyone was being taught to be polite, to be good and say only good thing in front of everyone, to please other people, to gain love and liking, and acknowledgment/acceptance/recognition from other people, to maintain ‘good relationship’ with everyone, but then, behind people’s back, there’s complaints, gossips, slandering, back-biting, criticism, blame, or bitching. There are many this type of ‘good relationships’ everywhere in the worldly life. And this is being perceived as the ‘correct’ behavior or ‘normal’ way of life in the society and in the family. People don’t like truthfulness and straightforwardness. Being truthful and straightforward is something very rude and wrong.

Truth seekers don’t waste energy, time and effort in this worldly egoistic game of accumulating and cultivating such type of ‘good relationships’. And hence, the practice of silence comes into everyday life to minimize involving in unnecessary social game of hypocrisy, untruthfulness and flattering of the ego of oneself and others. Performing selfless service in a huge community, is not about cultivating and accumulating personal friendships or relationships at all, if one truly knows what is selflessness and selfless service.

There are not many ‘yoga and meditation enthusiasts’ have the understanding, initiative and willpower to cut down or cut off worldly passionate social activities. It’s a painful and contradicting process for the mind to retreat from worldly social activities, as it is going against ‘normal cultural thinking and behavior’. There are lots of ‘justifications’ coming from the egoistic mind to avoid or give up renunciation from a passionate worldly life of social activities.

Those who aren’t really interested in the path of yoga and meditation to free the mind from the root cause of all suffering – ignorance and egoism, they don’t have to practice truthfulness or dispassion or renunciation from worldly social activities.

It’s everyone’s freedom for what they want to do with their life existence, and what they want to think and believe.