Disturbed / hurt by remembering / thinking about past unpleasant experiences

Minds that feel being disturbed or hurt by ‘something’ that is being perceived/acknowledged as ‘hurtful’, ‘wrongful’, ‘bad’, ‘disturbing’, or ‘undeserving’, they are actually being disturbed or hurt by the remembrance towards the perceived names and forms that doesn’t exist in NOW, unwittingly attached onto the perceived names and forms (past experiences in the form of memories), being determined by the past memories as well as keep feeding these memories to keep them ‘alive’ to be shadowing/haunting the mind repeatedly in NOW.

The past is not just about whatever happened some time ago.

What is here in NOW is constantly changing/passing away and instantly becoming part of the past memory that is made up of a continuous chain of countless pieces of thoughts/images.

For example, maybe someone says and does something that is hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing to this person (this mind) in this present moment NOW.

The mind immediately processes this experience and will analyze and assert, “This is something hurtful/wrongful/disturbing that I or anyone don’t deserve to be experiencing.” and react with “I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this.” and by the time the mind is analyzing and asserting about ‘this experience’, ‘this experience’ is already beyond NOW being stored as part of the memory. But somehow, the mind will continuously feel disturbed and hurt by the continuous remembrance of “This is something hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing that I or anyone don’t deserve to be experiencing.” and continuously react with “I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this.” Even when ‘this experience’ that instantly becomes ‘that experience’ which existed moment/seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years ago, that doesn’t exist in the NOW, and even when the memory starts to fade away and changed into some blurred images that are not exactly what it really was as it happened, the mind will still be disturbed and hurt by the remembrance towards ‘the disturb/hurt reacted towards that experience’.

It’s always, “You/They did this.” or “You/They said that.” This is truly unnecessary. Imagine if someone is completely forgetful about everything or has no function of memory to be remembering anything, what is there to disturb or hurt this mind?

It’s not about erasing one’s memories to be free from disturbs or hurts coming from continuously remembering the past experiences that the mind perceived as ‘disturbing’/’hurtful’/’wrongful’/’bad’, but it’s developing the ability of ‘non-attachment’ to be unattached/non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion towards all the thought/emotion activities in NOW perceiving all the pleasant/unpleasant names and forms or desirable/undesirable experiences, and all that is being stored as part of the memory that constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW.

If the mind is always being in the NOW, without attachment towards what is NOW and beyond NOW (memories or imaginations), being aware of but without attachment/clinging towards any thought/emotion activities of the mind as well as the pleasant/unpleasant memories/images constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW, then this mind won’t be disturbed or hurt by anything at all, not even being disturbed by what is happening NOW or the constant flashback of memories of the past thought/emotion activities perceiving all kinds of pleasant or unpleasant, agreeable or disagreeable, desirable or undesirable names and forms.

The real practice of non-attachment, is not about having very few or zero things/objects/relationships/enjoyments in life, or ignoring/neglecting one’s duty/responsibility and do nothing to improve, but it’s about non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion/non-judgment/non-expectation towards what is going on in the thinking mind (the modifications of the mind), of whatever the mind perceives in NOW and all that beyond NOW (memories and imaginations), allowing all the pleasant/unpleasant, agreeable/disagreeable, desirable/undesirable names and forms being there as they are and ceaselessly changing as they are, arising and passing away as they are.

Go beyond the worldly thinking and belief about “Life has to be in certain ways and people must behave in certain ways to live a good, happy, joyful and meaningful life, or else life is not good, happy, joyful or meaningful.” Life is just what it is. It doesn’t has to be in certain ways and people don’t have to behave in certain ways, while life doesn’t need to be good, happy, joyful and meaningful the way that the mind thinks and believes what is good/happy/joyful/meaningful. Life is neither good nor bad, neither happy nor unhappy, neither joyful nor joyless, neither meaningful nor meaningless.

Whether one is practicing yoga, or not, is not determined by whether one is doing some ‘yoga practice’ in the form of Pranayama, Asana, Yamas, Niyamas, Kriyas, Japa/Kirtan and etc, or not, but it’s whether there is attachment towards the modifications of the mind, or not. If there’s attachment, there’s no peace. Peace is there as it is, in the absence of attachment.

Be free.

The power or function of memory is neither good nor bad

Most people, are interested in boosting the power or function of the memory. So that one can remember as much as possible all the knowledge and skills that one has been learning, to do things, to remember everyone and everything that one has come in contact with from the past to the present. Otherwise, for most people, there’s no meanings or values in life existence, if one doesn’t remember any knowledge or skills that one has been learning and doesn’t remember the people/relationships that one has come in contact with and are related to. They want to remember ‘love’ and ‘happiness’ and ‘goodness’ and ‘achievements’. People want to remember everyone and everything, and be remembered by others, to be existing, to be meaningful, to be alive.

Meanwhile some people try their very best to forget all those unpleasant/unhappy/painful/hurtful memories that are disturbing and hurting them in the present now.

This power or function of memory is neither good nor bad. It has its benefits to humanity and some defects as well.

If a mind is free from ignorance and egoism, this mind can make use of the power of memory to remember all its learning and knowledge or skills to be doing something that would benefit oneself and others without attachment, identification, judgment, or expectation. One will not have craving or aversion towards the past pleasant/unpleasant experiences/feelings, and will not be disturbed or determined by being aware of the memory of all these past pleasant/unpleasant experiences/feelings, in the present now. There’s no judgment or expectation towards oneself or others based on the past pleasant/unpleasant experiences/feelings. There’s no suffering or miseries exist in this egoless mind.

Due to ignorance, the ego clings onto the past memories of pleasant/happy and unpleasant/unhappy experiences/feelings.

When remembering the pleasant/happy/accomplishing/satisfying experiences/feelings that are already gone and don’t exist in the present, there is suffering/unrest/dissatisfaction derived from missing and craving towards all those pleasant experiences/feelings.

When remembering the unpleasant/unhappy/painful/hurtful/fearful/regretful/guilty/disappointing/dissatisfying experiences/feelings, that are already gone and don’t exist in the present, there is suffering/unrest/unhappiness/painful sorrow/hurts/fear/regret/guilt/disappointment/dissatisfaction derived from aversion towards all those unpleasant experiences/feelings, continuously be disturbed or determined by all those unpleasant experiences/feelings, which is unnecessary.

And due to ignorance, people don’t just want to have a good and highly efficient function of the memory to remember the past of this life existence from birth till the present which one could barely remember a little bit of here and there without the precise/exact details, there are also many people who ‘believe’ in various/countless past lives before this life existence, and they are not just very interested in knowing/finding out what were their past lives, but they are also be disturbed or determined by what they think they know about their past lives. And not just that, they also very interested in knowing/finding out what will be their future lives, and be disturbed or determined by what they think they know about their future lives.

When people are dissatisfied with and don’t want to confront the reality that they perceive in the present, they try to runaway from this reality that they don’t like and don’t want, by imagining they have a better/nicer/happier reality in the past or in the future, being in an imaginary reality that they prefer, that they created for themselves, and somehow they might feel better and safer being in that imaginary reality. That’s their freedom.

People’s minds are already very busy/restless being disturbed and determined by the perceived experiences in the present now, not to say, to also be disturbed and determined by the past memories and the future imagination/anticipation/projection/expectation/speculation. “This is who I was and this is what I am and this is what I will be.”

People are being disturbed and determined mentally/emotionally/physically by the ignorant/egoistic attachment and identification towards the desires of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation towards all the perceived names and forms or experiences, whether it’s in the present, or remembering the past, or imagining the future.

Maybe people’s life in the present is not complicated/excited/busy enough, life is so dulled and bored, that’s why people try very best to bring back the past and project into the future, to spice up their life in the present?

So, if past lives exist, and someone somehow ‘recalls’ some good/pleasant/joyful/meaningful and bad/unpleasant/hurtful/painful/fearful memories of one’s past lives, and then so what? Missing the past pleasant past lives experiences and people whom one loved very much in past lives? What if one finds out that the people whom one loved very much in past lives are now one’s greatest enemies whom one hates and hurts very much in the present? Or be disturbed by the past unpleasant past lives experiences and people whom had hurt one very much in past lives? What if one finds out that the people whom had hurt one very much in past lives are now one’s best friend or lover or family or respected personal whom one loves very much in the present?

It’s truly unnecessary.

And so, when one truly realized the truth of what is going on in this mind, and goes beyond all the memories of past pleasant/unpleasant, or rightful/wrongful, or good/bad experiences/feelings, being free from attachment and identification with the past, the last moment and before, then there will be complete freedom in all the relationships with everyone now, in the present, it really doesn’t matter what happened just now, or yesterday, or last week, or last month, or last year, or last 20 years. It’s only the present moment. And even this present moment is impermanent. And this is actual lasting liberation that comes from the realization of the truth, it’s not the same as the momentary ‘high effect’ of numbing the mind through drugs and alcohol intoxication.

People, including some yoga and meditation practitioners, who like to relate YOGA and MEDITATION or HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS with getting high through drugs and alcohol intoxication, are only trying to momentary escape/runaway from suffering or miseries that they don’t want. They’ll go back to their suffering and miseries again, once the numbing effect of the drugs and alcohol disappeared. That’s their freedom for what they want to do with their body and their mind. It’s neither right nor wrong. But, yoga and meditation or higher consciousness has nothing to do with getting high through drugs and alcohol intoxication. People who truly practice yoga and meditation and have gone beyond the attachment or identification with the life existence of the body and the mind don’t need to get high or momentary relief by taking drugs or alcohol, as they don’t need to escape or runaway from suffering or miseries, as there’s none. There’s no craving for the momentary pleasant sensations/effects/relieves coming from the effect of drugs and alcohol.

If people couldn’t understand this, or one understood this, but one dislikes and disagrees with and doesn’t want this liberation due to the mind is conditioned to think in certain ways or believe in certain beliefs, or one understood this, but one couldn’t let go attachment and identification, that’s their freedom.

It’s okay whether the power or function of memory is good or not so good. It’s okay if the mind couldn’t remember this or that. It’s okay if the mind couldn’t remember everything and everyone as it was and as it is. It’s okay if the mind remember some past unpleasant/unhappy experiences or feelings. It’s okay if the mind couldn’t remember some past pleasant/happy experiences or feelings. It’s okay if the mind couldn’t remember someone who is somehow related to this body and this mind.

Be free.

The function of memory and the existence of ‘I’

The existence of ‘I’ is very much influenced by the function of memory to remember all or some of the relationships and experiences with everyone and the objects of names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses, and the accumulated knowledge and skills through remembering all its learning and training from the past till the present, with all kinds of imagination, anticipation, speculation, projection and expectation, plus all the thought activities of pleasant and unpleasant reactions of feelings and emotions towards all the good and bad, desirable and undesirable experiences.

If the mind couldn’t remember certain experiences in the past, it won’t relate itself with those experiences and will have no identification with those experiences. At some points, the mind might confuse some wild imaginations and the dreams that it remembers as part of the life experiences that it thinks it experienced in life. Under the function of memory, most of the time, the mind doesn’t remember things exactly as they were. A lot of the details of the memories are doubtful and confused. And the ego attached onto these blurred memories of the past to be identifying as ‘I’, and judges itself and everyone and everything based on these memories.

If the function of memory doesn’t exist, or the mind couldn’t recall all that it perceived of what it saw/heard/smelled/tasted/felt/thought/knew/acknowledged/learned/experienced/practiced/acted/reacted/acquired/possessed, or what it liked and didn’t like towards all the perceived names and forms, there’s no remembrance of an existence or identification of ‘I’ and any relationships with anyone in the present. Whatever was being processed in the mind wasn’t being stored as a conscious memory to be recall into the present, though there will be subtle imprints of all the present reactions of craving and aversion towards all the perceptions of names and forms being stored in the subconscious mind where all these subtle imprints of craving and aversion would bubble up to the surface of the conscious mind during the deep mind purification process, when the mind stops reacting with craving and aversion towards all the perceptions in the present.

Without memory storage of what it perceives through the senses and what is being processed through the thinking faculty, the mind won’t remember a continuous/permanent identity that attached onto some qualities of names and forms that comes with certain accumulated knowledge, experiences and relationships with everyone to be identifying as “This is what I was/am from the past till now.” This mind won’t be influenced by any particular ethnic and social background, culture, knowledge, idea, practice, thinking, belief, or learning, to apply any judgment, comparison, or expectation that based on the memories of past experiences of accumulated knowledge, ideas, beliefs, actions and reactions towards all the mind perceptions of names and forms in this existence now, such like, “I had this before. This was good, I liked this. I want this again.” or “I had that before. That was bad, I didn’t like that. I don’t want that again.”

Even though there might be spontaneous reaction of craving or aversion towards the mind perception of names and forms in the present now, but then, the mind won’t be able to remember this experience and its reaction of craving and aversion towards this experience. All experiences will appear to be something new or unknown to it. The desire of craving and aversion on the conscious level are very much influenced by the memories of the past pleasant and unpleasant experiences. “I experienced this before or I know this, I remember either I had liked this and I want this again (craving), or I didn’t like this and I don’t want this again (aversion).” Meanwhile, the subtle desires of craving and aversion that continuously bubble up to the surface of the conscious mind which the memoryless mind doesn’t remember or doesn’t know what they are or where they come from, but somehow there are ceaseless reaction of craving and aversion towards all the names and forms being generated due to these subtle imprints of desires.

If the mind developed awareness towards the existence of these subtle desires of craving and aversion, without attachment towards these desires or identification with them, or it is uninfluenced by these existing subtle desires to generate more reactions of craving and aversion, this mind is free.

That’s why for those who take seriously in the path of yoga and meditation, the practice of renunciation and seclusion, reducing and restricting mind inputs of all sorts, or the contact with objects of names and forms, or social interactions and activities in the world, is a very important observation to minimize and restrict the accumulation of subtle imprints of under current desires even if the mind has no awareness or memories of all its reactions of craving and aversion towards all the perceptions of names and forms.

It’s everyone’s freedom for what they want to do with their worldly life existence of the impermanent and selfless body and mind.

For those who are absolutely okay with the impermanent and selfless function of the body and mind, who are free from clinging and craving towards good condition and free from aversion towards bad condition, and aren’t disturbed or determined by all kinds of suffering in the world of names and forms that derived from ignorance and egoism and impurities, they don’t need to practice yoga and meditation, as they are free as they are.

Be free.